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to not be gushing and enthusiastic about their apologies?

(391 Posts)
Shamalamalam Tue 01-Nov-16 08:32:07

MiL and SiL have upset me quite a lot. MiL (not heard from SiL) has apologies, I've said OK. I'm not sure what else they want from me, but apparently it looks like I'm sulking.

To give a bit of background, I'm quite crafty - I love sewing, knitting, etc, and in my own family we give each other lots of handmade gifts. I know not everyone appreciates homemade gifts, so I've always just kept this to my own family, unless people have directly commented or outright asked me for something

Anyway, on Friday MiL sent out a group email asking if we knew what our plans were for Christmas.

MiL and SiL then emailed each other throughout the day, but have obviously done the classic error of "reply all" instead of just replying to each other, so I (and DH and half a dozen other family members) get a whole load of emails calling me smug, hoping they wouldn't get one of my crappy homemade gifts again this year.

MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better.

JerryFerry Tue 01-Nov-16 08:34:05

Christ what a bitch!
I'd be sulking for as long as I wanted. Not for her to decide how you respond.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 01-Nov-16 08:34:28

I'd find that VERY hard to forgive,how awful.

HRarehoundingme Tue 01-Nov-16 08:34:28

I would be pissed off now passively aggressively I would reply all to the email and moan about them to everyone else however I agree it's not your job to make them feel better and I wouldnt be helping gem feel better.

SidneyPiecrust Tue 01-Nov-16 08:35:15

Not sure I would want to spend any time with them. Christmas definitely not, for me that would be an email I could not forget. What did your dh say?

foodiefil Tue 01-Nov-16 08:35:22

Take the high road. Tell her you WERE hurt and the only reason you gave those gifts was because you THOUGHT she would like them. Being pleasant but looking/sounding hurt at all times. But also very humble. All done with the intention of making her feel no bigger than a 2p piece. They've shown themselves up. In fact REPLY ALL to that email. Hold your head high. Don't sulk. Be in control by letting everyone know you're ok... Even ask the group 'would anyone else prefer shop bought this year as well? Haha I'm just kidding smile xx'

FedUpWithBriiiiiick Tue 01-Nov-16 08:35:35

What a pair of bitches, OP. They should be grovelling at your feet right about now.

I bet your gifts are lovely, and appreciated by other family and friends who aren't nasty and jealous of your skills.

You are not responsible for making them feel better, they should feel bloody wretched about this. Karma.


blueistheonlycolourwefeel Tue 01-Nov-16 08:37:19

I'd reply "I always provide home made gifts because they show I have put time and effort into your gifts. From now on, I won't bother and you can have nothing, you ungrateful lumps!!"

fluffypigs Tue 01-Nov-16 08:38:25

I would just be honest and reply that you found the comments hurtful and you wished they'd told you how they felt to your face. And then perhaps take them into account when making your Christmas plans...

MamehaSan Tue 01-Nov-16 08:38:47

Whatever you do, don't reply all. You'll only be accused of escalating the situation. Maintain a dignified silence and let them sweat. Pair of ungrateful arses. I know how much time and effort goes into handmade gifts. Get them a £4.99 primark scraf this year, if you're feeling charitable.

FetchezLaVache Tue 01-Nov-16 08:38:50

She only feels bad because she got caught.

And no, it's not up to you to make her feel better!

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead Tue 01-Nov-16 08:39:06

I agree. Don't be passive aggressive about it, but there's nothing wrong with admitting that you're very hurt. You shouldn't feel obligated to simply brush it off.

At least your MIL had the grace to call to apologise, it looks like she's at least taken it seriously.

I'd be gutted, poor you.

MamehaSan Tue 01-Nov-16 08:40:07

* scarf confused

MamehaSan Tue 01-Nov-16 08:40:11

* scarf confused

ThatStewie Tue 01-Nov-16 08:40:41

you don't need to accept their apologies. It's not sulking to be clear that what they said was cruel and unpleasant and that you have no intention of spending Christmas with anyone who clearly does not respect you. Your MIL feeling bad is not your responsibility. She is an adult and needs to take the consequences of her actions.

Ratbagcatbag Tue 01-Nov-16 08:42:26

Agree with everyone else. You shouldn't be making them feel better. I hate that a simple sorry is supposed to fix some really nasty stuff.
They would be getting the grand sum of fuck all for Xmas from me or a token boots 3 for 2 £5 hand cream set. I would put zero effort in from now on. (If also rearrange seeing them as well but I'm a grumpy bitch when someone is awful to me)
How has your dh reacted? I hope he's thoroughly disgusted with his family.

Pteranodon Tue 01-Nov-16 08:42:32

I'd reply all, suggesting gifts only for the children of the family from now on, actually firmer than that - I will be giving to the children only, feel free to do likewise - & I certainly wouldn't be making any plans to see any of them any time soon. How do you know they say you are sulky? I'd respond: fine, I'm smug and sulky. Shrug. And leave them to it. Life is short, & could be sweeter.

expatinscotland Tue 01-Nov-16 08:43:18

I wouldn't bother replying another further. You've accepted her apology.

scaryteacher Tue 01-Nov-16 08:44:49

That gets you out of Christmas with the ils then. Reply that you won't be spending Christmas with them for the foreseeable future. I hope your dh has given them grief.

Shamalamalam Tue 01-Nov-16 08:45:57


MiL obviously felt bad when she called, I said OK, I was hurt but thanks for apologising. I'm not sure what more they want from me - flags and bunting maybe.

I wouldn't mind, but the only handmade stuff I've given them, they've asked for. I made my own daughter a Waldorf doll a few years ago and SiL asked for one for her daughter, so I made one for her birthday, with a little suitcase of outfits to go with it. I've knitted a huge, super chunky, snuggly blanket, MiL asked if I'd knit her one for her birthday.

I know not everyone likes homemade stuff, so I don't foist it on everyone.

The kids like making sweets and cookies to give as gifts, they can just chuck them if they don't like them

originalmavis Tue 01-Nov-16 08:46:11

But remember - everyone saw what a pair of horrible people they are. Just tell them they won't be getting anything at all ever again, so problem solved.

I'd sulk for ever if it were me.

Inertia Tue 01-Nov-16 08:46:48

Don't respond.

Don't engage with providing their gifts or cards, leave it up to DH if he wants to bother.

Spend Christmas with people who make you happy.

rollonthesummer Tue 01-Nov-16 08:47:21

Blimey-how nasty! What did your dh say?

Diemme Tue 01-Nov-16 08:47:41

Yanbu. An apology is for when you say something offensive, reflect and then realise you were wrong. Not for when your offensive comments were accidentally spread around!

WhisperingLoudly Tue 01-Nov-16 08:48:38

I wouldn't reply and I wouldn't be seeing them at Christmas. I'd send £5 generic hand cream sets as gifts.

I'd also expect my DH to speak to his mum and sister and enforce how badly they've behaved.

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