Social climbing - first generation?

[user1465284888]

Hello,

Please note that I am very embarrassed writing this thread, but I need to know whether I am being unreasonable.

I am a second genereation "immigrant", born and raised in London to a mother who is a cleaner and a father who is a cab driver. Through their hard work and sweat, plus my own - I have finished completed my education to a masters degree at a world-renowned institution (Top 5, in the world).

Of course, being a "working class" girl I noticed very quickly that people throughout my education lived very different lives to me. I somewhat admired how they would complain about M&S not having their milk, Harrods running out of their Skiing gear and I wanted that for myself and children. So, I have worked hard and I am about to start work in the city on a very decent salary (just under £50k including bonus).

But, I am worried. I am that I will forever be working class and my children too. A Russian gf of mine told me to mingle well in the city, marry well and send the children to boarding school. However, I am told that the rich can smell a social climber, not even the "middle-class handbook" can save you and that they are not very receptive to "foreigners".

So, my question is - as a first generation, non-white, young lady who genuinely wants the best for herself and children how can I move up a social class and "polish myself"?
I have seen other people from afar do it and after months of lurking, I know there are a few posh mothers who can give me some pointers.

Please help and go easy on me. I am by no means a "gold digger" or "opportunist" as I have worked hard to have my own. I just know what poverty looks like and I do not want that for myself and children. Plus now I am in my early 20's I think I can move up the ladder, surely?

[Floggingmolly]

The rich can smell a social climber?? You're not rich, for a start...

[NotSure202]

I agree that the rich can indeed spot a social climber a mile away. I disagree that being foreign is a problem though.

I would just get involved in the things you are interested in and like to do, and let life take its course. Be natural though, and be yourself because being a phony is no way to live your life. You also have nothing to apologise for - you come from a great family and have done great things. Be proud of that and who you are.

[BillSykesDog]

But just on the off chance you're not, just don't try. Be yourself.

[timelytess]

www.tatler.com/news/articles/august-2015/tatler-and-debretts-school-of-etiquette

[Optimist1]

You want to pretend to be of a higher social class than you are? You're focussing on the wrong "ladder" here - you're aleady a couple of rungs up the one called Achievement by virtue of your education and your parents' sacrifices. But if you want to focus on hoodwinking new friends and potential husband (and insult your parents into the bargain) go right ahead.

[Gruach]

[Hoppinggreen]

Caring about class so much very lower middle class so not giving a crap would be your first step.

[MarchEliza]

Is Femail planning on an article about social climbing immigrants??

They come over here, stealing all our degrees etc. Etc.

[DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings]

Make sure you're regularly eating Pom bears around the right kind of people. Pom bears are vair classy. Ensure you eat them with a flourish so they notice you and your Pom bears.

[unlimiteddilutingjuice]

I think what your trying to do is unnecessary.
You already have an education and a good job.
You can already give your kids more opportunities than your parents were able to give you.
You are probably not going to slip down the ladder. Although anxiety about doing just that is typically middle class so, in that sense, you fit in perfectly!
The kind of cultural distinction you are talking about it really a way for the established middle and upper class to desperately try and hang on to their privilege and exclusivity. Buts its a desperate gambit and its never been completely successful for them! Plenty of now middle class people used to be working class. Go back another generation and its almost all of them!
Also- please try not to value the attributes your background and culture has given you. Your perspective is valuable and unique exactly how it is.

[user1465284888]

@londonmummy1966 Sorry, English is my third language!

[jay55]

Use Carol Middleton as a role model and marry your child to a prince.
Your blatant gold digging will put most men off unless you're very attractive.

[user1465284888]

@jay55 I am not interested in "gold digging" at all. That is why I have worked really hard to land a good job! It was a suggestion made by a friend.

[YourPerception]

Don't call them posh to start with.

You need to change your vocabulary. Loo instead of toilet. Chin instead of friend or mate.

Really £50k isn't that huge an income in London to the upper class.

There is also nothing wrong with you. You really don't need to change your class.

[icanteven]

In the event that this is real, I suggest that when you have a couple of years on your CV at the fantastic job you have just landed (well done!) you should move to Ireland or the US. The UK concept of class is alive and well, and is deeply mysterious to those of us brought up in countries without as rigid a class system. If you want to live in the UK, then you need to ignore/rise about the class nonsense, but if it gets under your skin, then there are lots of great jobs in your likely field in Dublin (Accenture, Google etc. all have HQ's there) and we don't worry about class anything like as much. And the US, of course, but poss. more challenging to get permission to work there etc.

Anyway, if you went to a top 5 uni, you'll find that your background doesn't matter as much as you think. The "polish" you talk about was probably picked up unconsciously while you were at uni, unless you lived under a rock the whole time.

[YourPerception]

Chum instead of friend

[Enb76]

Actually, by having a good job you're a foot up that ladder already. Though to be honest 50k is not all that much. The direction you look to be heading means that you won't ever be in a situation that your parents were in but never think less of your parents because the work it took to get you here is something you should be really proud of them for. Just be you. What people can smell a mile off is insecurity and they'll laugh at you for wanting to be what you're not. You can meet the right people without having to be them and the fact that you're 'foreign' is a bonus not a detraction. Being foreign forgives you all sorts of idiosyncrasies that the British use as class distinctions. Just be you and the rest will fall into place.

[user1465284888]

Thank you so much for all your responses. I believe my OP was rooted in self-improvement and making sure my family's hard work and sacrifices do not go in vain.
I have much to learn!

[user1465284888]

@Enb76 That is a lovely message! Thank you so much.

[yorkshapudding]

There is a difference between wanting to make a comfortable living in order to give your children a good start in life and being a social climber. I understand the former completely but not the latter. You can be successful, give your children a very comfortable life and still be proud of your working class roots. The fact that your parents weren't born wealthy and so they worked hard and made sacrifices for your education is not something to be ashamed of. It is the very opposite.

My parents both grew up poor. They worked extremely hard to give me a good start in life because they wanted me to have options that they didn't have, not so I could re-write history or pretend to be something I'm not.

[user1465284888]

I think £50k is a respectable income considering I am under 24. It is by far not enough, I am aiming got £100k+ by the age of £28-30!

[Whynotnowbaby]

Trying too hard will not help you, relax, and enjoy being with people you like and who like you. They may not be the upper classes (and frankly with 50k a year you won't keep up with them) but you will feel comfortable and make good friends to help you through hard times and share the fun when you're happy. People from every social group will dislike someone who pretends to be something they are not and you won't enjoy trying to remember your fake persona all the time.

[lenibose]

You are not poor. And with your income your children won't be poor and will have opportunities your parents (or maybe you) didn't have. How does anything else matter??

As an Asian immigrant myself I can tell you that all that matters for DH and me (and we are both highly educated- PhDs etc) is that DS is happy, well adjusted and has the best education possible. I couldn't care less if his mates go skiing and he doesn't. I will say this nicely, because I know immigrants have a certain social anxiety (even second generation ones) that others find hard to understand. You don't have to ingratiate yourself with anyone or be like anyone or dress like anyone. Most people will respect your story, and as long as you are a nice person it is fine. For those who will look down their noses at you, I am not sure they are worth you, or your future children, associating with them.