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To be so upset at my DS 4's school

(316 Posts)
MrsBB1982 Thu 21-Jan-16 21:16:07

So please bear with me. I think some background is useful.

DS is 4 and started reception in September. He's not a natural 'concentrator'. Academically he's above average but just struggles to sit down for any length of time. His school already expect him to sit down for classes the whole day...double maths then double english then double geography for example.

We've been told his behaviour an issue. He got sent to the headmaster on Thursday and Friday. His form teacher wasn't with him so it was just him and the head.

Since then he keeps saying 'I might have to leave the school and me er see my friends again'. He's now becoming g withdrawn and doesn't want to go to school

He's a loving, kind and sweet natured lad. He's born at the end of August so very young in his class. DH and I know he's not perfect. Like I said concentration has always been an issue although he can finish tasks. He's a fidgety energetic lad. He can be hot headed and we describe him as a 'reactor' in that he tends to react to a situation before thinking through.

If you're still with me! My question is AIBU in thinking going to the headmaster two days in a row for poor concentration/fidgeting/talking (confirmed as the reason by his teacher ) on his own an being threatened with having to leave the school is heavy handed. He's not been lashing out or anything physical.

We haven't been consulted about this. We only know because DS mentioned it. Or does he really have a problem?

hesterton Thu 21-Jan-16 21:19:21

Talk to the school. He is very young for heavy handed scolding.

notenoughbottle Thu 21-Jan-16 21:19:37

I had to re read you're post when you said about double geography etc to see that he was 4! Are these actual lessons that he has?! What kind of school is he at that treats a small child like this. I'm disgusted they thought that was appropriate tbh.

Griphook Thu 21-Jan-16 21:19:42

Yanbu, completely over the top, and if they are not telling you about the issue with his behaviour how can you support him and them

EcclefechanTart Thu 21-Jan-16 21:21:14

What on earth kind of school is this? I thought he must be 14, not 4, when I saw the timetable and the punishments!

BiscuitMillionaire Thu 21-Jan-16 21:21:51

Is this a private school? It seems heavy-handed. He's only 4. Many many 4-year-olds struggle to sit still and listen.

However, it seems you've only heard what happened from him, so why don't you ask the class teacher to explain it to you. Also tell them that he's becoming withdrawn and doesn't want to go to school any more.

Playdoughcaterpillar Thu 21-Jan-16 21:22:41

Sounds awful! What sort of reception class has a timetable like that? Are you in UK? My son is same age and can't concentrate for more than 10 mins but what 4 yo can? Fortunately his teacher knows this and they have a very fluid, engaging quickly changing day. Door open to outdoor classroom most of time, loads of hands on free flow. Are you sure this is best school for him? I've never heard of this sort of timetable. Requires more concentration than my timetable in year 7 many moons ago!

PerspicaciaTick Thu 21-Jan-16 21:22:51

I'm assuming that this is either a private school or you are abroad somewhere. The EYFS curriculum followed in England is play based and certainly doesn't expect children to sit still for extended periods. Ofsted would have quite a lot to say about a reception class where the children can't freely access outdoor play for example.

WutheringFrights Thu 21-Jan-16 21:23:35

Double maths, geography and science! Bloody hell! Our reception just play all day (apparently, according to DD)

pudcat Thu 21-Jan-16 21:23:36

double maths then double english then double geography for example. This is not typical of a Reception class. I would move him.

MsJamieFraser Thu 21-Jan-16 21:25:10

a 4 year old should not be sitting down and learning, at this age is learning through fun.

ds2 who is 6, is only starting now to sit at tables

ChoudeBruxelles Thu 21-Jan-16 21:25:21

What do you mean double maths etc. Kids in reception don't have set periods like secondary school

MrsBB1982 Thu 21-Jan-16 21:25:45

Thanks for the speedy replies!

I specifically checked with the form teacher and sadly all this fuss only over his ability to sit still/keep quiet/ focus.

I can understand that it may be disruptive to other kids but he's so young. Doesn't he need guidance before being read the riot act?

Yes. It is a private school. DS finds large groups daunting. His state primary was a huge class if over 30 and we took the decision to send him to a private school with a class size of 16 thinking it would be less of a jump from his tiny little nursery.

bigchangesabound Thu 21-Jan-16 21:27:47

Poor boy!
This needs to be sorted out fast before he switches off and becomes disillusioned by school, and then he really will be getting into trouble (all caused by poor management on the school's behalf). Please talk to the school ASAP about this and explain how being sent to the head is making your boy feel. They may be doing it to 'scare him' into behaving and concentrating but it's not working and not the best way to deal with a 4 year old.

DisappointedOne Thu 21-Jan-16 21:28:28

Get him out of there. It's not school:it's child prison.

MrsBB1982 Thu 21-Jan-16 21:28:54

They really are set timetables. The more I think about it the crazier it seems. I'm just relieved that people don't think it's because my son has ADHD. The school. Give them impression there's something wrong with him

DH and I are starting to think this is totally the wrong environment for him. The only saving grace is his form teacher. She's lovely and so understanding. But we get the feeling her hands are tied by the head

PerspicaciaTick Thu 21-Jan-16 21:29:09

I'd go and take another look at state primaries, the classes may be larger but they are very similar in approach to nursery whereas your private school sounds a world away from the nurturing, play based school I want for my child.

EcclefechanTart Thu 21-Jan-16 21:30:27

I would change school. He needs a play-based curriculum for reception (which I believe most schools have). I'm not remotely surprised that a 4 year can't cope with this. Mine wouldn't be able to either.

notenoughbottle Thu 21-Jan-16 21:30:34

I thought it sounded like a private school. I think you need to weigh up what will suit you're son best. Being in a larger class but being able to be himself and not being noticed as much for being fidgety etc or being in the private school so he's in a smaller class. What are you actually hoping to gain from him being in his current school? I know that these schools exist to produce high fliers but you also need to have a happy child and you're ds doesn't sound happy - just constrained.

MrsBB1982 Thu 21-Jan-16 21:31:48

Just to add to our woes my husband has finished his training so we're in the process of looking for a new job. This could mean relocation. It would open up the option of state primaries but at the moment we don't know what's best. He hates change. Do we ride the storm at this place and wait to know where we will be based (could take up to 6 months) or move him somewhere in the meantime?

notenoughbottle Thu 21-Jan-16 21:33:22

IMO I wouldn't want my ds to spend the next six months in this hellish school...

MrsBB1982 Thu 21-Jan-16 21:34:11

Stupidly we chose it for the small class size and because they sold themselves as a nurturing environment. We didn't choose it because of academic excellence.

We don't care about whether he can do his times tables age 5. We want him to be happy.

pudcat Thu 21-Jan-16 21:34:30

Poor little mite. Get him out of there quickly. Four year olds can not sit still all day. They need activities and play. The only saving grace is his form teacher. She's lovely and so understanding.~ So why send him to the head

3isthemajicnumber Thu 21-Jan-16 21:35:25

My 5 year old in reception played hospitals for the whole day today. Your poor ds no wonder he's fidgety.

Excited101 Thu 21-Jan-16 21:35:43

Your son sounds utterly normal and the school sounds unhinged.

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