To be so upset at my DS 4's school

[MrsBB1982]

So please bear with me. I think some background is useful.

DS is 4 and started reception in September. He's not a natural 'concentrator'. Academically he's above average but just struggles to sit down for any length of time. His school already expect him to sit down for classes the whole day...double maths then double english then double geography for example.

We've been told his behaviour an issue. He got sent to the headmaster on Thursday and Friday. His form teacher wasn't with him so it was just him and the head.

Since then he keeps saying 'I might have to leave the school and me er see my friends again'. He's now becoming g withdrawn and doesn't want to go to school

He's a loving, kind and sweet natured lad. He's born at the end of August so very young in his class. DH and I know he's not perfect. Like I said concentration has always been an issue although he can finish tasks. He's a fidgety energetic lad. He can be hot headed and we describe him as a 'reactor' in that he tends to react to a situation before thinking through.

If you're still with me! My question is AIBU in thinking going to the headmaster two days in a row for poor concentration/fidgeting/talking (confirmed as the reason by his teacher ) on his own an being threatened with having to leave the school is heavy handed. He's not been lashing out or anything physical.

We haven't been consulted about this. We only know because DS mentioned it. Or does he really have a problem?

[conkerpods]

Glad to read your boy is thriving once more OP.

[OptimisticSix]

Oops just read the whole thread, sorry, so pleased for you and your little one :)

[OptimisticSix]

He's four! I feel so sorry for him, specially because he's an August baby, one of mine is right at the end of August and she still seems quite immature compared to friends, luckily academically she's not behind... Anyway I would rethink the schooling, yes big schools can be intimidating but I went to a tiny school and got a horrid shock at Senior level, so put my children in the largest local primary I could find. There are three full reception classes at ours and the children can go and play in whichever class they want during most of the day and as long as they complete the "star" activity can do any of the other activities available. My children have loved it and done so well with this system which has given them freedom and confidence... Of course I detest the manic crazy busy school runs but that's me :)

[GraysAnalogy]

Amazing update. Very pleased for you

[GraysAnalogy]

When I was 5 at school I was playing with stickle bricks, having story time, doing numbers for a bit, doing words for a bit, playing in the sand, more number time..

That timetable just me.

[JerryFerry]

PHEW I could barely breathe reading the first part of the thread, just horrifying. If a 4yo is being sent to the head for "being naughty", being expectd to sit still for long periods of time, coming home sad and his parents are sad, something is massively wrong - and it's not the child. What an absolutely awful school.

Thank goodness your little boy has such lovely parents. Well done for getting him out of there so quickly and for handling it so sensitively. With parents like you he is going to do very well.

[Primaryteach87]

Just seen he is now in a new school and much happier. Great news! Feel for the children 'left behind' in that crazy regime though.

[Primaryteach87]

Gosh! I don't know many reception children who could cope with that sort of timetable. It's very poor practice, they aren't exempt from the EYFS so I would be really questioning how they are fulfilling that.

When you move, look for somewhere state or private that has more active learning and more outdoors/EYFS style.

[amarmai]

poor child. As you may be moving this is your opportunity to find a child based learning school. He sounds depressed and scared. cd he go to his old nursery until you find him a humane school?

[MeDownSouth]

Glad it all worked out MrsBB. Did you contact SadWidow about her talking to Ofsted? (just being nosey but would be happy to hear the HT didn't get away with being mean to LOs)

[sleeponeday]

Oh OP. your poor DS, and poor you.

There is a stack of evidence a mile high that children this age learn best through play, anyway. What a horrible, and deeply misguided place it sounds.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Good grief, what a crap school. Aren't the parents of the children who are still there worried that the same could happen to their children? So glad your child has escaped successfully.

[MrsBB1982]

teacherwith2kids I know what you mean. Waiting to hear how his day went felt like a lifetime!

[allegretto]

My six year olds don't have "proper" lessons, just learning through play. I certainly wouldn't be paying for this type of approach that sounds really heavy-handed and counterproductive.

[teacherwith2kids]

Brilliant news! So glad for him. I took DS out of his first school, HEd him for a few months then started him at another ... that was a long day, waiting to see how it worked out.... but he has never looked back

[MrsBB1982]

Ah - it is sort of old but just wanted to post an update. It's been a tough few months but I had so much support originally I wanted to say thanks

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Oh didn't know this was a zombish thread.
Glad he's happy in his new school

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Ydnbu. As already quoted. What type of school is this. It sounds like tough American prison. I don't know about a school. He's 4 years old. How much concentration do they expect. He is expected to sit all day. We're all grown adults. Hands up which one of us could sit bolt right for hours on end,because. I certainly couldn't. The school needs to come out of the 17th century and into this one.

The HM had no right to say to a 4 year old child. He'll have to leave the school. No child would ever be suspended for lack of concentration. The HM and the teacher are idiots. Its part of his teachers job to put in strategies to make the lesson interesting.

[MrsBB1982]

Update!

I know I'm firing up an old thread but wanted to update people who gave so much support when the proverbial hit the fan!

DS spent a while at his old nursery and they were amazing. They helped us build up his self esteem again.

He's just started at a new school. I know it's only been a week but the difference is obvious already. He's telling us about his day andcan't wait to go back the next day. He's calm, contented and happy in a way he never was before

Thanks again everyone. I'm sure it won't be plain sailing but thinfo look better already!

[dairymilkmonster]

I have just been reading this thread after stumbling across it. I am glad things are working out for your little chappie mrsbb1982.

Just for some balance, my DS goes to a prep which doesn't sound dissimilar. He started in reception at a local state school and didn't really like it. It was mostly play, 30 in class, huge busy school ( he found this scary) and he did less 'work' than he did at the preschool attached to his nursery. He kept complaining of being bored and of other kids running a bit wild.
We moved him last Easter to a small prep locally. He loves it. In reception they had a timetable like described above and certainly did a lot more structured work sitting but also lots of 'fun' lessons. 16 in the class this year, smaller environment suits him. His reading and writing suddenly improved and he started talking about French, art, science , history as subjects and showing enthusiasm.

I'm sure the school is more disciplined and structured than most state schools in the infants but he is thriving. One size does not fit all! I'm sure there are plenty of families at mrsbb1982's discussed school who are quite happy!

[RumbleMum]

So glad to hear he's bounced back ... I've been thinking about you all so it's lovely to have an update. Well done for handling it so well.

[starry0ne]

So happy he is your old boy again..

[tangerinesarenottheonlyfruit]

RandomMess I strongly suggest you read up on Steiner before recommending it. It's not the laid back creative alternative to mainstream school you may think it is! (I used to think it was).

It's founded on a religion called Anthrosophy which has some ideas about education which are ... interesting, to say the least! Some love it, others think it can be terribly damaging, particularly for DC with any SN, some think it's cult-like.

I really don't want to derail the thread though! Debates on Steiner can get fierce and would not be useful to the OP. If you'd like to learn more about it there have been threads on MN before, worth a search, or we could start another thread ...

[MrsBB1982]

Thanks all. I thought I was over the blubbering wreck phase but seeing your messages has set me off again! Vino...that will help!