To be so upset at my DS 4's school

[MrsBB1982]

So please bear with me. I think some background is useful.

DS is 4 and started reception in September. He's not a natural 'concentrator'. Academically he's above average but just struggles to sit down for any length of time. His school already expect him to sit down for classes the whole day...double maths then double english then double geography for example.

We've been told his behaviour an issue. He got sent to the headmaster on Thursday and Friday. His form teacher wasn't with him so it was just him and the head.

Since then he keeps saying 'I might have to leave the school and me er see my friends again'. He's now becoming g withdrawn and doesn't want to go to school

He's a loving, kind and sweet natured lad. He's born at the end of August so very young in his class. DH and I know he's not perfect. Like I said concentration has always been an issue although he can finish tasks. He's a fidgety energetic lad. He can be hot headed and we describe him as a 'reactor' in that he tends to react to a situation before thinking through.

If you're still with me! My question is AIBU in thinking going to the headmaster two days in a row for poor concentration/fidgeting/talking (confirmed as the reason by his teacher ) on his own an being threatened with having to leave the school is heavy handed. He's not been lashing out or anything physical.

We haven't been consulted about this. We only know because DS mentioned it. Or does he really have a problem?

[HPandBaconSandwiches]

Oh that's wonderful! Great for him and also for you, must be so clear to you that you've done the right thing.

[sarahbanshee]

[starry0ne]

aww Mrs BB.. you last post made my eyes leak...

so happy for all of you

[MidniteScribbler]

Good grief, this place sounds shocking.

I teach 3/4 and try to avoid the students sitting on the floor for more than 15 minutes at a time. After that, they can check out and need to be doing something else. If I was teaching early years it would be even less.

I'm really glad you pulled him out. I'm not the litigious type, but I'd be tempted to sue them for the fees you've already paid out, just to make things a bit difficult for them. What a horrible place.

[Stephieee]

Woah, I was considering a private school, not so much now... :( your poor DS! He's too little to understand it all yet and a state school would understand that - I say, remove him! Even if it's just until he's older, but I don't like the sound of the terrible communication!

[Fedup21]

Oh my days, my four year old couldn't do a day in a school like that and I'm 99% sure there's nothing wrong with him!

I wouldn't be sending my child to a school like that for one more day-I would imagine it'll put him off school for life. I certainly wouldn't be paying for the privilege!

[MidniteScribbler]

Woah, I was considering a private school, not so much now... sad your poor DS! He's too little to understand it all yet and a state school would understand that -

It's not a private vs state school thing. I worked in a fairly exclusive private school earlier in my teaching career, and there was nothing like this. It's a crap school issue.

[Blu]

There are particular aspects of this that simply could not / would not have happened In a state school.

But of course this school is not indicative of private schools, and there are good and bad in each sector.

[HPandBaconSandwiches]

How is he getting on at nursery MrsBB? Hope he's still a relieved happy boy.

[MrsBB1982]

Thanks hp. He's not back until next week. We've sorted it so DH grandparents and myself have had him home with us for a it over a week. He's a different boy...the old boy. He's no longer referring to himself as naughty, bad, disruptive or a problem child. He's happy!!!!

He goes to nursery next week and is very excited. We wanted a gap between school and nursery so he didn't feel like nursery was a direct consequence of leaving school given that he was leaving school, would never see his friends again and it was all because he was bad.

The other parents have swamped us with supportive emails and phone calls. Between MN and them we are touched

[Naicehamshop]

Very pleased to hear that MrsBB1982 - well done for dealing with such a difficult situation so calmly.

[MrsBB1982]

Oh...I wasn't calm! I was a crazy angry blubbering wreck out if sight of the kids. It was all a facade

[RandomMess]

So happy to read this outcome, you saw your ds was unhappy and that the school wasn't right for him.

Onwards and upwards! Perhaps if you relocate a Steiner school would suit him down to the ground (not used one or anything but the opposite of what he's experienced so far!)

[HPandBaconSandwiches]

Ah I'm so pleased he's doing so well. All credit to you and your dh for making the difficult decision and facing this head on. I've no doubt you'll find him an excellent school where they appreciate the value of allowing 4 year olds to be themselves and have fun.

[WhatTheActualFugg]

Just read scanned this for the first time tonight. What a horrible, insane, situation for a little boy to be in.

I just want to say that my DCs go to a private school and the OP's experience in no way resemble's our experience. My DD is in Yr1 and they do maybe max 2 hrs, if that, actual sitting down for english and maths. And that's always in the morning when the children are at their most alert. The rest of the time they're in the forest, music, swimming, lengthy out door play times, sports training and fun Topic lessons involving plenty discussions and craft.

I'm shocked by what was expected by the OP's son and so happy for you it's over now.

[MrsBB1982]

Thanks all. I thought I was over the blubbering wreck phase but seeing your messages has set me off again! Vino...that will help!

[tangerinesarenottheonlyfruit]

RandomMess I strongly suggest you read up on Steiner before recommending it. It's not the laid back creative alternative to mainstream school you may think it is! (I used to think it was).

It's founded on a religion called Anthrosophy which has some ideas about education which are ... interesting, to say the least! Some love it, others think it can be terribly damaging, particularly for DC with any SN, some think it's cult-like.

I really don't want to derail the thread though! Debates on Steiner can get fierce and would not be useful to the OP. If you'd like to learn more about it there have been threads on MN before, worth a search, or we could start another thread ...

[starry0ne]

So happy he is your old boy again..

[RumbleMum]

So glad to hear he's bounced back ... I've been thinking about you all so it's lovely to have an update. Well done for handling it so well.

[dairymilkmonster]

I have just been reading this thread after stumbling across it. I am glad things are working out for your little chappie mrsbb1982.

Just for some balance, my DS goes to a prep which doesn't sound dissimilar. He started in reception at a local state school and didn't really like it. It was mostly play, 30 in class, huge busy school ( he found this scary) and he did less 'work' than he did at the preschool attached to his nursery. He kept complaining of being bored and of other kids running a bit wild.
We moved him last Easter to a small prep locally. He loves it. In reception they had a timetable like described above and certainly did a lot more structured work sitting but also lots of 'fun' lessons. 16 in the class this year, smaller environment suits him. His reading and writing suddenly improved and he started talking about French, art, science , history as subjects and showing enthusiasm.

I'm sure the school is more disciplined and structured than most state schools in the infants but he is thriving. One size does not fit all! I'm sure there are plenty of families at mrsbb1982's discussed school who are quite happy!

[MrsBB1982]

Update!

I know I'm firing up an old thread but wanted to update people who gave so much support when the proverbial hit the fan!

DS spent a while at his old nursery and they were amazing. They helped us build up his self esteem again.

He's just started at a new school. I know it's only been a week but the difference is obvious already. He's telling us about his day andcan't wait to go back the next day. He's calm, contented and happy in a way he never was before

Thanks again everyone. I'm sure it won't be plain sailing but thinfo look better already!

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Ydnbu. As already quoted. What type of school is this. It sounds like tough American prison. I don't know about a school. He's 4 years old. How much concentration do they expect. He is expected to sit all day. We're all grown adults. Hands up which one of us could sit bolt right for hours on end,because. I certainly couldn't. The school needs to come out of the 17th century and into this one.

The HM had no right to say to a 4 year old child. He'll have to leave the school. No child would ever be suspended for lack of concentration. The HM and the teacher are idiots. Its part of his teachers job to put in strategies to make the lesson interesting.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Oh didn't know this was a zombish thread.
Glad he's happy in his new school

[MrsBB1982]

Ah - it is sort of old but just wanted to post an update. It's been a tough few months but I had so much support originally I wanted to say thanks