I fought with the school to let my child start in nappies...

[Piratejones]

And now 3 years later, we have reached a point where he is dry in the day in places he knows and semi reliable outside the home. They are getting funny because i DON'T want him in a nappy during a school trip.

I can't win, it's a fucking joke. up until now they've been pushing to get rid of the nappies, he starts showing some improvement and they don't want the responsibility of taking spare clothes.

It makes me angry.

[ouryve]

Always makes you wonder exactly who it is who is inflexible!

For the sake of my blood pressure, I'd rationalise this - it's only a month left until the summer holidays, which gives 6 weeks to increase his confidence outside the house even more, leaving you able to present them with "this is where we are now, so stick it in your pipe and smoke it" come September.

[Annunziata]

Calm down.

He is only semi reliable outside home. On a school trip he will be excited and nervous, and there might not be toilets everywhere, or enough staff to accompany every child.

They don't want him to have an accident and get embarrassed.

yabu.

[conniedescending]

If he's semi reliable then I think on a school trip it seems reasonable for him to wear a nappy. They probably don't want to change him when they're in an unfamiliar place

[Heels99]

If you are accompanying him and so are available to change him plus happy to pay any clean up fine for coach or whatever if he has an accident then Yanbu. Otherwise, Yabu.

[Piratejones]

They probably don't want to change him when they're in an unfamiliar place

I would hope they would have the sense to change any child instead of letting them sit in their own wee or poo.

[littleducks]

what does the school trip entail?

will they be using a coach or public transport or just walking?

[Golfhotelromeofoxtrot]

I can't imagine why you wouldn't want him in it if it's a school trip somewhere unfamiliar?

[Sirzy]

Are you in a position to go on the school trip to take control of toileting /changing as needed?

Will he have 1-1 on the trip?

[manicinsomniac]

Will he be embarrassed if he has an accident in public/in front of his friends?

If so, I'd say YABU, semi reliable isn't all that reliable, especially when excited.

If not, YANBU, it's not that hard to allow a child to change if you're not too fussy about where, how and who does it.

[AuntyMag10]

He's semi reliable and they have many other kids to see to. Why insist on not putting him in a nappy when you know there's a possibility he might not be ok.

[Piratejones]

I can't imagine why you wouldn't want him in it if it's a school trip somewhere unfamiliar?

Because for the last few years they have been nothing but pushy over him being in nappies. There was even a point where they said they couldn't take him on a trip BECAUSE of him being in nappies, apparently there was no where to change him.

And now suddenly it's the opposite.

It just makes me angry

[QuiteLikely5]

Is it their job to change nappies?

If it is then they need to suck it up

If it's not then I can see their point.

Some places call the parents if there is an accident.

[Piratejones]

Quite You have it the wrong way around.

[Artandco]

Surely it's easier if he just wears a pull up incase but they assume he will use the toilet? Then he only needs to have that changed if an accident and not at all if he uses toilet.

[Annunziata]

Well obviously they are going to a place where there are facilities.

I don't know why you're angry- he's only semi reliable. They are being sensible.

[Marcipex]

But a wet nappy can be changed whenever convenient. Obviously not left indefinitely, but can be left a short while.
Whereas a child in wet clothing/soiled clothing needs changing at once, which could be very awkward or impossible on a trip.

Surely it's easier all round to still use nappies for the trip?

[Golfhotelromeofoxtrot]

Maybe this trip is just easier for them to be able to change him?? The other trip could have been more awkward? Schools are not designed to cope with children in nappies, in SN schools it's far more normal, and wouldn't be a problem. IMO struggles like this are par for the course when you have a SN child in mainstream education.

[Golfhotelromeofoxtrot]

Marcie makes an excellent point about wet clothes vs wet nappy

[Purplepoodle]

If his toileting is that unreliable I would want him in a pull up for school trip. If he soils in the coach who would clean it or pay for it to be cleaned? Plus unless he has 1:1 or 1:2 for school trip in would be asking a parent to accompany him as you need a certain ratio which couldn't be maintained if someone has to go and clean up child if they soil themselves. Honestly it's not a teachers or teaching assistants job to change a child unless they are specifically paid to provide support for your child

[BarbarianMum]

OP I can see why you are angry. However, it may be better (when you've vented a bit) to look at the situation in isolation. Is what they are asking reasonable and in the best interests for your ds for this trip? Are there other adjustments that could be made (e.g. protection on coach seats) that would make the nappy unnecessary.

I think you would not be unreasonable to ask them to explain their thinking to you (but you will have to keep an open mind, even if they don't).

And good on your ds for the progress he's made

[Piratejones]

Honestly it's not a teachers or teaching assistants job to change a child unless they are specifically paid to provide support for your child

He has 1:1 support.

IMO struggles like this are par for the course when you have a SN child in mainstream education.
Why have you assumed he's in Main stream school?

[DragonWithAGirlTattoo]

You're really angry here, and maybe need to step back and think about it. I feel there are other things annoying you here.

You have said he's only semi reliable when out and excited, so it sounds like a better idea all round to avoid accidents, especially if you pop him in a pull up, and tell him he is in control.

[Glitoris]

If he is only reliable when he is in places that he knows,then it is likely that he will wet/soil himself on the trip.

This will mean that one of the adults will have to immediately leave the group (effecting ratios for insurance /supervision) and instantly change him.While this could happen to another child,it's unlikely.

As a matter of interest...when you bring him out on hired transport for a full day to a strange place (without however many dozens of children the teachers will also be responsible for),do you put him in nappies?

[marysafairy]

I'm assuming he is 7 or 8, yes? Are you going on the trip too? It's a lot to ask of other teachers/ parents to change him. I sympathise as it sounds like you've been fighting hard for him for a long time.

What options is the school giving? Who would change the nappy/pull-up in case of an accident? Why would him having an accident with no nappy be preferable, as that would involve having to carry the dirty clothes around too?

[Piratejones]

As a matter of interest...when you bring him out on hired transport for a full day to a strange place (without however many dozens of children the teachers will also be responsible for),do you put him in nappies?

No, not recently.