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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have organised my daughters birthday in this way?

270 replies

JeremySmile · 26/09/2013 14:14

My 6 year old wanted a party with themed crafts for the girls and then a bouncy castle with the boys. Rather than having the boys waiting around/distracting from the crafts (can't afford to do crafts for boys and girls particularly as the boys in question very likely wouldn't be interested in crafts) I sent the invitations with different arrival times for boys and girls. The girls get 1.5 hours to do the girly things, then the boys join them for the remaining 2 hours of the party for food, games and the bouncy castle. No one that's invited has a boy and girl to bring, so it doesn't make life difficult for anyone. However, one of the boys mums has commented that he'll be 'upset' that he didn't get to be there for the whole party. AIBU in doing this?
Also, my daughter handed out the invitations at the end of the school day and they were a bit different to usual invitations (not just your standard envelope) and two of her classmates were crying because they hadn't received one. There are 30 children in my daughters class so no way I could afford to invite them all, my dd had written a list of who she wanted to invite based on who she plays with. Neither of the crying children had invited dd to their party, yet their mums both gave me filthy looks and were making a big deal of consoling them. First of all I felt bad and that maybe I should've made more effort to hand the invitations to the mums of invited children discreetly, but then dd pointed out that she didn't cry when she wasn't invited to their parties, and 'they've got to understand they can't have everything in life at some point'. These children had handed out their invitations at school too. AIBU for doing this and thinking the dirty looks aren't justified?

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 26/09/2013 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhDearNigel · 26/09/2013 16:37

OP, you can organise your DD's birthday party any sodding way you see fit. A 6 year old's birthday party is not an PC box ticking exercise.

As for the parents huffing, maybe you should remind them that party invitations often work on a reciprocal arrangement.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/09/2013 16:41

Care to elaborate Mrsdevere :)

SoupDragon · 26/09/2013 16:42

OP, you can organise your DD's birthday party any sodding way you see fit

Of course she can. That doesn't make it an acceptable way to behave though.

I wonder if the OP only has a girl...

QuintessentialShadows · 26/09/2013 16:44

She clearly has no empathy/respect/does not like little boys though!

ExcuseTypos · 26/09/2013 16:45

YABU

Just invite them all together or not at all.

Asking people to arrive at different times is a very rude.

can you imagine the wedding

geminigirl · 26/09/2013 16:49

OK, I can see that you thought the boys wouldn't like to be making bracelets or anything that would involve glitter or pink fluffy things, I think you were actually being considerate there but I agree it would have been a whole lot easier to have just done a unisex craft, I think you are giving yourself a whole lot of hassle!

I don't think you are being particularly unreasonable to be honest, I think you have just created a headache for yourself trying to accommodate everyone. I also think that you shouldn't be worrying about those children who weren't invited, there is a reasonable balance those who are going and those who are not. Don't get your knickers in a twist over it, have a great day, your daughter sounds like a very well balanced little girl.

PeppiNephrine · 26/09/2013 16:53

Well you can do it any sodding way you see fit if you want to be that mother and have no regard for manners and such. You could organise it in a strip club if you want, but I wouldn't be waiting for anyone to come. Two tier gender biased parties are going to piss people off and you'll jsut ahve to live with that.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 26/09/2013 16:56

Utterly bonkers.....

Only on MNGrin

As a mum of 2 boys, they would have loved crafty stuff at 6 and still do when the mood takes them.

A party lasting 3.5 hours for some is bonkers alone! 2 hours is optimum party length.

MrsDeVere · 26/09/2013 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 26/09/2013 16:58

Yabu. Your party idea is stupid. My nearly 6 yr old son would love to do crafts of any description.
Three and a half convoluted hours of nonsense, when it could have been one and a half hours of crafts AND a bouncy castle for whoever fancied a bit of either.
Daft as a brush...not to mention discriminatory. Pah.

Xmasbaby11 · 26/09/2013 16:58

I would have done a less girly crafts session and not divided the genders like that. Talk about perpetuating a stereotype. Surely not ALL girl guest love fairies and not ALL boy guests detest all crafts?

SoupDragon · 26/09/2013 17:00

MrsDeVere it doesn't mention party bags.

ZutAlorsDidier · 26/09/2013 17:01

MrsDeVere, I think you will find that it omits requesting cash gifts by way of a poem.

K8Middleton · 26/09/2013 17:03

Yeah, yeah op. But until you tell us what your husband thinks how can we make an informed decision?

neepsandtatties · 26/09/2013 17:07

Me inviting them at the same time and giving them the opportunity to make some sparkly wings would hardly make them have an epiphany and think that actually, doing girly things (in front of their friends who'd mock them for it) is a great idea.

They are 6 FFS! My DS would love that and wouldn't see it as being 'girly'. I don't know what kind of world you live in where 6 year olds would 'mock' a boy for doing crafts. Sheeez!

Anyway, YANBU re the invites, unless they were REALLY ostentatious, in which case it is a little...crass...

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/09/2013 17:10

ah yes party bags....care to share your thoughts op

candycoatedwaterdrops · 26/09/2013 17:10

OP, be prepared for some post-party death stares in the playground once word gets out about what you've done. Wink

MrsDeVere · 26/09/2013 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntGirl · 26/09/2013 17:24

YABU on all counts really. Funny that.

LindyHemming · 26/09/2013 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tethersend · 26/09/2013 17:31

"Are the girls going to tidy up the aftermath of the party too while the boys retire to the drawing room for cigars and brandy??"

AmberLeaf · 26/09/2013 17:35

they've got to understand they can't have everything in life at some point

A six year old said that?

Ok.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/09/2013 17:47

I think you're getting too much of a bashing here op, when alll you've tried to do is give your dd the party she,wanted, in a way you thought best.
I would have checked with all the parents of the boys what they thought about this first though.

elinorbellowed · 26/09/2013 17:57

It was the issue of 'crafts' that made me really aware of gender stereotyping before I had my own children and got probably frothing at the mouth about it.
My friends little boy was (is) a fantastic artist and produced lovely collages and models. For his 5th or 6th birthday I looked at all the craft-making sets in WHSmiths and elsewhere and was very pissed off to find that they were all pink and fluffy and glittery. I just got him adult stuff in the end. Until then I had no idea that art and craft was gender-specific.

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