I did something terrible

[hugecliche]

I know I'm terrible. And I know some posters will still pile on just to make sure I feel really, really bad - rest assured I do. But I'm asking for advice and help.

I went on a work night out on Friday and ended up back at my flat with my married boss. We were both phenomenally drunk. We didn't go through with it, but there was plenty of inappropriate chat and touching for a couple of hours before he left and went home.

I can't stop thinking about what happened and how foolish I was on one hand, but also frustrated that I can't really remember it all (often forget wording etc when drunk) which is means it's hard to make sense of it all.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to face him in the office. I don't know how to act at all.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

No flaming from me. You wont be the first or the last. Presumably you are single?

I would go in and act like nothing had happened. Do you have feelings for him? If so I would look for another job. Once that boundary inches over... it's a slippery slope.

[HollowTalk]

You have a problem with alcohol, don't you?

I think if you do something about that you'll find you do far fewer terrible things and your memory will improve.

In the meantime all you can do is go to work, act professionally and not enter into any kind of relationship with married people.

[2020BetterBeBetter]

I’d just go in tomorrow and be polite, do your job well and make sure you don’t get that drunk again - on a serious note, getting that drunk can be dangerous and you could have gone home with a rapist or murderer.

[Horehound]

He'll be feeling a lot worse since he's the married one! Just brazen it out.

[HarrietThePi]

No flaming from me. If you were my friend I'd say go to work and act as normal as you can. And I'd advise you to limit the drinking in future... Especially in work situations.

[HarrietThePi]

Both of you got very drunk from the sounds of it and I'm sure he's not feeling too good either. And the drinking thing, I used to get that drunk quite regularly in my early twenties. I had to stop drinking for an unrelated medical reason and honestly I don't miss it. That fear, paranoia you get after drinking...the hangovers...not to mention the times I put myself in stupid and dangerous situations.

[x2boys]

Well that's a massive assumption to make HollowTalk I know on here people have very reserved views about alcohol but we don't know if his is a one off or not , if you are single Op than I would say your boss has behaved far more irresponsibly than you here's not a lot you can do other than make sure you don't put yourself in that position again .

[HollowTalk]

It's not really an assumption when the OP says: frustrated that I can't really remember it all (often forget wording etc when drunk)

[MrsTHardy]

@HollowTalk what a smug, judgemental comment. You’re certainly living upto your user name.

OP - just go to work and pretend nothing happened. You certainly won’t have have heard the last of it though as a line has been crossed. You might have to prep yourself for a conversation about it to re align the boundaries or if it doesn’t go well another job?

[Horehound]

Ufff of course you'll get the fuddy duddy tee totallers telling you you have a problem.

You drank a bit much. You'll be fine.
Drunk water in-between drinks next time.

[YogaLite]

Go to work, completely put it out of your mind, ie act like you don't remember anything.

[hugecliche]

I don't have a problem with alcohol jesus. I get drunk probably 2 or 3 times a year, and don't drink most weeks, sometimes months.

Yes I forget wording when drunk and always have. Some people stumble, some people throw up or cry a lot or get loud. I get forgetful. I also don't get hangovers so that's at least one win!

[hugecliche]

Yes I am single to those who asked.

Do I have feelings for him? I don't know. Not physically but I suspect there is something there due to power in balance and my disappointingly unfeminist self finding that attractive.

[Cyberlibre]

hallow she said she often forgets wording when drunk. Not that she often gets drunk. Entirely different.
OP don't listen to those saying you have a problem with alcohol. Of course you may do. But we can't identify that from your op alone!
I've done plenty of stupid things over my time whilst drunk. I don't heavily drink much anymore but have maybe 4-6 nights out a year and will let my hair down. It doesn't make me an alcoholic.
Just go in as normal tomorrow, he may well bring it up. He will be feeling worse than you.

[MarshaBradyo]

Are you single? I wouldn’t sweat over it too much, he’s married and can deal with his problem. At work try and be neutral.

[MarshaBradyo]

X post. You are but he’s not single so park it as a mistake.

[Jellybeansincognito]

How far did you go with him OP? Are you sure you didn’t go through with it?

Don’t feel bad, it was clearly a mistake- you’re not responsible for your boss’ relationship.

[Appledeapp]

As others have said just be professional when you are in work. It will be ok. When I was younger I did something similar, though I didn't know he was married until someone told me on the Monday in work. After it happened I made a point of not drinking alot at works nights out.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

Are you single?

His marriage is not really your problem, it’s his responsibility to be faithful to the wife he made vows to and not yours. Presumably you didn’t force him into your flat?

Even if you’d slept with him it would be his place to feel terrible about the fact he’s married and not yours, but as it is nothing even really happened so you shouldn’t feel bad in that regard.

Obviously doing anything with your boss is not ideal, but his behaviour has been much worse than yours in that he’s the one who is married and also he’s the one in the position of power.

It will be a bit awkward tomorrow but you will just have to brazen it out and not mention it or act like anything happened.

[GroggyLegs]

I'd try and take what lessons you can from it TBH.
Don't get this drunk with people you need to maintain a professional relationship with the next day (I had to learn that one too). They are not your friends.
If you can't trust yourself not to get this drunk, deal with that.

Fwiw, my married boss at a previous work used to like finding someone to have a bit of a kiss & a grope with at the Xmas party. It was just a bit of fun to him , I'd say don't read anything into it & act normal tomorrow. You're going to have to just brazen it out.

[hugecliche]

How far did you go with him OP? Are you sure you didn’t go through with it?

Yes sure, I remember what happened, just not the detail of convos. For examples I can remember us talking about my ex, about some recent stuff at work, about art. I just can't remember how we got from one topic to the other and there are some stand out sentences that could mean very different things if only I could remember what they were responses too.

We didn't have sex. There was cuddling, hands laid in inappropriate places and some teasing, and a conversation about going through with it all over about 2 hours. Then he came to his senses a bit (sobered up I suppose) and left.

[Fanniesyeraunt]

His poor poor wife. I doubt you are the first or the last OP!

[MarshaBradyo]

It happens op, horrible for his wife but don’t let it get you down. Lucky escape not going further.

[SetTheScene]

Look for another job. Thus will be excruciating after.

Two colleagues did this at a xmas. One single, one a boss and married with kids. Both unbelievably drunk. Not full sex, but fumbling, kissing, flirty chat etc. She confided it all to me.

The tension and awkwardness between them after was so cringey and stomach churning. He ended up asking for a transfer.