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Today I farted in the beauticians face

(102 Posts)
numberonecook Wed 05-Jun-19 13:35:01

Was gonna NC but sod it.

Today had to be the most embarrassing day of my life. I’ve had three very loud mouthed children and this has topped any situation they’ve ever put me through. I’ve been eating a plant based diet for three weeks and I’ve lost 9lbs flowers so today I went to treat myself to a pedicure.

The lady was very nice and sat me in one of those massaging chairs. Fancy. She was knelt in front of me scrubbing my feet when the massage chair rolled a pulse down my back. Before I knew it I let rip! Anyone who is plant based or vegan will know plant based farts reek blush

OMG I felt awful. I wanted the chair to swallow me up. The lady was most polite and said ‘il just go get my other file’ and walked over to the shelf blush (probs to get away from my stench). I left a big tip when I paid lol

What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?

OP’s posts: |
HotChocolateLover Wed 05-Jun-19 13:39:05

Hehe, that’s funny. Not what you wanted to hear though.

bringthethunder Wed 05-Jun-19 13:40:37

Oh my that's brilliant! I'm sure its happened to lots of people. I just had a very important work meeting and discovered afterwards that I conducted the whole presentation with a big bit of salad stuck right in the middle of my front teeth. Smashing!

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge Wed 05-Jun-19 13:43:59

Op did you snap and fart or just fart?

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge Wed 05-Jun-19 13:45:25

You left a tip? Could have been much worse that you left.....

Mississippilessly Wed 05-Jun-19 13:46:33

I farted directly into a doctor's face.

I was a wek post partum and he was removing the stitches from my episiotomy that had broken down.

I hadn't had a bowel movement since I had had the baby.

It was a bad day for all concerned!

JurassicGirl Wed 05-Jun-19 13:49:36

Very embarrassing but you'll survive grin

Just as a side note, it's probably your change in diet rather than your diet that's causing the bad smell.

I know everyone's different but it irrates me when people say vegan's fart more or smell worse.

I hardly ever fart unless I eat white bread & I'm a dairy free vegetarian.

poopypants Wed 05-Jun-19 13:58:40

I would definitely say meat eater's farts are way worse than vegetarian or vegan farts. Vege's may fart a bit more due to the fibre but it tends to be windy rather than stinky. Meaty farts are ghastly.

pisspawpatrol Wed 05-Jun-19 13:59:05

My sister farted in the face of the beautician who was giving her a Brazilian wax. She cried when got she home, I on the other hand laughed for fucking hours at her.

TheVanguardSix Wed 05-Jun-19 14:01:38

Oh fuck! gringringrin

I farted throughout a leg operation. Had no idea (I was under GA) and in recovery, the surgeon came in with the nurse to see how I was doing. Probably thinking I was still under, I heard their entire chat about my trombone symphony. confused

The midwife who stitched me up after DC3’s birth 5 years ago MUST still be talking about the treat I lavished upon her as she toiled away, cross-stitching my nether regions. It was just awful. I just hit the poor woman with a non-stop wall of farts. I became like some fucking conveyor belt of farts. Awful. blush

crazyasafox Wed 05-Jun-19 14:02:29

biscuit

numberonecook Wed 05-Jun-19 14:03:12

Defiantly louder and with more force than before the change in diet.

I sat it out in silence until the end walkamileinmyshoes then gave a tip when I paid. I don’t know if should go back again. She might be ‘fully booked’ next time grin

OP’s posts: |
madcatladyforever Wed 05-Jun-19 14:03:38

Oh god how awful. I once was driving a student to see a patient and sharted I had awful diarrhoea the day before. I had to go home and change my trousers while the student cringed.

HelmutFrontbut Wed 05-Jun-19 14:04:09

Vegan farts are the worst, I say this as someone who ate lentil curry then went to a yoga class blush The whole room came to a standstill and the instructor ran to the window in horror to open it; it was like a scene from a Stephen King film shock

Well done on your weight loss OP 👍

numberonecook Wed 05-Jun-19 14:04:18

thevanguardsix

Sorry but gringringrin

OP’s posts: |
Tinkobell Wed 05-Jun-19 14:05:30

We largely eat a plant based diet but with no ill effects. Just two major exceptions: chickpeas and farti-chokes.

ifIwerenotanandroid Wed 05-Jun-19 14:07:39

DH joined me at my yoga class for just one term. He gave up because of the difficulty of trying to keep a fart in.

MorondelaFrontera Wed 05-Jun-19 14:09:21

It's hilarious when it's someone else, you just want to die when it's you.
It's normal though! I am sure the poor doctors and nurses are very used to it! Pedicurist maybe less grin

jackolantern Wed 05-Jun-19 14:12:11

Defiantly louder and with more force

Glad you're being defiant about it! grin

pumpkinpie01 Wed 05-Jun-19 14:13:37

Oh my god that's brightened up my very boring day !

FabledChinHair Wed 05-Jun-19 14:18:02

The farts smell worse when your gut biome is adjusting to more fibre. Maybe drink more water.

TFBundy Wed 05-Jun-19 14:18:27

I have a naice big office to myself and usually keep my door closed so I can concentrate better. Last Summer I was asked to look after an intern and they were given a miniscule desk in the corner of my office and were so shy and quiet I barely knew they were there.

Had a meeting with some colleagues in my office one morning. Lots of lively discussion and it went on for aaaggges. I was holding in a massive Donald for about half an hour before they left and when the door was closed I subtly cocked my leg and let out an entire wind section of guff.

Then I remembered the intern behind me. blush Being British, we both stayed silent and styled it out.

Puppytooth Wed 05-Jun-19 14:24:25

Post c-section fart - the longest, loudest fart ever!!! Everyone on the ward would’ve heard it. I was relieved, rather impressed and embarrassed in equal measures grin

elliejjtiny Wed 05-Jun-19 14:29:49

You'll have to find a new beautician for definite grin.

My most embarrassing moment is when I had sepsis during labour and the very good looking registrar had to open me up and fish out my very smelly baby from my even smellier infected uterus. On my notes it says 1:53am live baby boy delivered, offensive smelling ++. That Dr was lovely though, he came to see me 2 days later, apologised for doing the c-section when I wanted a vbac and went over to nicu to see how ds was as well.

NKFell Wed 05-Jun-19 14:31:36

I trumped in the hairdresser's chair then put myself through the embarrassment of trying to recreate the sound with my foot, then the chair until I finally gave up sad

grin

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