Today I farted in the beauticians face

[numberonecook]

Was gonna NC but sod it.

Today had to be the most embarrassing day of my life. I’ve had three very loud mouthed children and this has topped any situation they’ve ever put me through. I’ve been eating a plant based diet for three weeks and I’ve lost 9lbs so today I went to treat myself to a pedicure.

The lady was very nice and sat me in one of those massaging chairs. Fancy. She was knelt in front of me scrubbing my feet when the massage chair rolled a pulse down my back. Before I knew it I let rip! Anyone who is plant based or vegan will know plant based farts reek

OMG I felt awful. I wanted the chair to swallow me up. The lady was most polite and said ‘il just go get my other file’ and walked over to the shelf (probs to get away from my stench). I left a big tip when I paid lol

What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?

[Fraxion]

I had a flight incident once but nowhere near as bad as ohjustboreoff! We had just landed on return from holiday and I started feeling ill, stomach cramps and cold sweats. Managed to wait until everyone got off and flight crew let me use the loo. I had the worst explosive wind and diarrhoea you could imagine just as one of the pilots opened the door. In my haste I hadn't locked it. I had to toilet hop all the way to baggage reclaim then a dash to the airport hotel which I didn't quite make. It was hellish. To top it off the fire alarm went off just as I fell asleep, we legged it from the top floor only to be told at the bottom it was a false alarm. I was never so glad to get home to my own bed.

[IcedPurple]

I think we have a winner here @Ohjustboreoff.

When I saw the words 'flight attendant' and 'very bad salmon' juxtaposed, I knew it was going to be bad. Just not quite that bad. Poor you, but I'm glad your 'manager' got the brunt of it.

[TwinklyMummaLuvsHerBubba89]

I have IBS.

Before I understood my triggers I was often caught short. 99.9% of the time I could make it to a loo.

One time I didn't.

It was a Sunday evening, driving back from a lovely family meal. I suddenly said "I need the loo" we were in the middle of an industrial /shopping estate. Nowhere to go, nowhere was open. My dad parked the car near some bushes with the idea it would shield me while I did my business. Unfortunately I didn't make it out of the car and I was sobbing with embarrassment. The other occupants has legged it from the car and were pissing themselves laughing. I'd tried to aim for a plastic bag but it hadn't worked.

Worst experience ever. A public fart is a dream in comparison

[Ohjustboreoff]

I used to be a flight attendant and I ate some very bad salmon on a flight to Sydney once. As the crew only had 12 hours "down route" crew were always playing sick so they could stay longer. But just before landing I started getting those waves of sickness and I told my manager I didn't feel well. Well she kicked off at me shouting, in front of passengers, that I wasn't sick I was just putting it on. It was at that precise moment I projectile vommed over her covering her from the waist down whilst simultaneously shitting myself. With it running down my legs.
Two passengers who witnessed and smelt this vommed over each other and the manager managed to get to the loo before being sick.
I then had to walk through Sydney airport covered in sick and poo with makeup streaked down my face and a business class blanket wrapped around my waist. Not my finest hour! But 10/10 for my aim!

[IcedPurple]

Nothing brings out my inner 14 year old more than a fart thread. Farts will never not be funny, so keep the stories coming!

Sadly (?) I have nothing much to add. Which is amazing given that I'm a prolific farter plus I'm a teacher, so there are opportunities for farty mortification on a near daily basis. I guess I've just been lucky!

[soapona]

I'm a beauty therapist 25 years people have farted, piss, started their period pretty much everything. It doesn't matter, we don't care!

[Topseyt]

For some reason I have had the urge to fart a number of times whilst reading this thread!

I have had irritable bowel syndrome for most of my adult life, so have had to lose some inhibitions about farting. Not that we had many such inhibitions in my family anyway.

[FartClass]

I used to be a life model and regularly slept whilst on the job. One time I was dozing lying down on a platform in the middle of a class of about 15 painters, all working silently, when I was startled awake by the sound of my own explosive fart. It was one of those short loud ones, like your bum shouting “Oi!”. I was too scared to sleep whilst working after that.

[Japonicaflower2]

Post hysterectomy I had the most excruciating wind pains and my abdomen was so distended I looked 9 months pregnant.
Despite peppermint water and trying to walk around nothing worked until my very dishy registrar who'd done the operation walked into the room. I swear I almost took off like a released balloon.....
He laughed thank goodness 😱☺️

[Summersunshine2]

@elliejjtiny offensive smelling baby - my favourite so far

[NotSoThinLizzy]

Place marking 😂😂

[andbmakes3]

As a 16 year old we went on a camping holiday to France. I went into the shower block, slipped on the wet floor and was so embarrassed I threw myself into a cubicle and quickly started having a shower...don't know whether it was the bang to the head or the heat of the shower, but I fainted, fell against the door which burst open...and came to naked, laid out on the floor surrounded by concerned people, including my older brother and dad...fun times

[diplodoco]

Amazing thread op!
I held in all my farts during labour (which is which meant I couldn't relax. probably why I didn't progress 😂) just as the shift changed and the new consultant came in to introduce herself and her trainees they told me their names and I just let out the longest loudest fart. I pretended there was a contraction and sucked desperately at the gas and air but they obviously knew there wasn't one. I was so embarrassed but reading all these stories now I won't feel as bad for the next labour!

[numberonecook]

After this I’m kinda thinking I should stay away from yoga too

[emajw1983]

Dear god I'm practically crying and my 3yr old keeps asking if I'm ok 🤣 farts are funny in my house, it's me and 3 boys so it's like a constant farting competition (especially if we're out shopping!)

[butterflykiss00]

@redbedheadd hahah you can tell when it's a fanny fart because it almost quacks 😂😂😂

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

For a moment I thought 'downward dog' was a euphemism.

[ooft]

If not long split up with someone and jumped into bed with someone else as a drunken rebound. Woke up in the morning and did my "morning fart" forgetting it wasn't dp I was in bed with. There was no repeat performance of either

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

"Most farts stink"

Ahem. I'll have you know.
Mine smell of Lavender and my shit for that matter.

[MeOldBamboo]

It was loud, proud and noisy but thankfully not smelly!

[MeOldBamboo]

I went to a yoga class with some close colleagues who had experienced my loud botty once when moving some office furniture so were used to it. However, my loud fart during “downward dog” reverberated somewhat and the chap behind me was erm disgusted. I didn’t go back... provided much hilarity again for my colleagues and is still talked about 20 years later

[numberonecook]

Just catching up now. Some of these are hilarious! I can sorta laugh at myself now but I don’t know if il dare show my face again. Even if it is kinda ‘normal’

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

Most farts stink but there's nowt so bad as a carnivore's farts. Especially a carnivore who's been on the beer 🤢
I'm veggie and fart for England but I don't eat anything from the brassica family of veg and don't eat onions. If I do: CLEAR THE LOBBY!!!! THE ONIONS HAVE IT! THE ONIONS HAVE IT!!

I did think this was going to be a waxing story so am a little disappointed.

[FunInTheSun2019]

I had an operation the other day, and asked this very question about farting!
The theatre nurses laughed and said loads of people fart loads under GA..I was bloody petrified after that!
Since having two c-sections for some reason my bottom talks more than my mouth!

[redbedheadd]

I'm trying to rock my baby to sleep and I keep snorting with laughter and waking him he keeps getting such a fright 😂