Today I farted in the beauticians face

[numberonecook]

Was gonna NC but sod it.

Today had to be the most embarrassing day of my life. I’ve had three very loud mouthed children and this has topped any situation they’ve ever put me through. I’ve been eating a plant based diet for three weeks and I’ve lost 9lbs so today I went to treat myself to a pedicure.

The lady was very nice and sat me in one of those massaging chairs. Fancy. She was knelt in front of me scrubbing my feet when the massage chair rolled a pulse down my back. Before I knew it I let rip! Anyone who is plant based or vegan will know plant based farts reek

OMG I felt awful. I wanted the chair to swallow me up. The lady was most polite and said ‘il just go get my other file’ and walked over to the shelf (probs to get away from my stench). I left a big tip when I paid lol

What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?

[dancingqueen345]

As a 2 week old veggie, currently sat waiting for my bikini wax appointment, this post has concerned me massively!!

I've also noticed I'm a lot gassier than I used to be and that they tend to smell a lot worse!! Hoping that as a pp said, it's the change in diet rather than the new diet that's causing it!

[Electrocute1980]

I am crying with laughter at these!

[redbedheadd]

I went into a shoulder stand at yoga and fanny farted in a silent room... I was so mortified I just rolled back down and lay there like a little slug unable to move as I wasn't convinced I was air-free 😩

[KooMoo]

Hahahaha phbbbt hahahahah phbbbt hahahahaha phbbbt

This thread is hilariously trump inducing 🤣😂🤣😂

[QueenBeex]

This thread is fucking hilarious keep the story's coming 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Bwekfusth]

I went for a Brazilian last month and I was clenching so hard when the time came for me to hold my cheeks open for her to wax my arse. Sweat beading on my forehead, teeth gritted, a vein bulging in my temple, a solitary tear running down my cheek. Luckily, I did not fart. I did scream a bit though.

[Dontbugmemalone]

This has brought back a bad memory for me. I was at primary school and sitting on the floor during assembly, our legs had to be crossed. I needed to let rip but tried to squeeze and fidget to stop it happening. Naturally during the quietest moment of the assembly, the squeakiest fart managed to escape and the whole school heard! Everyone turned their head towards me and I was reminded on a daily basis for years.
On the plus side, this thread has made me laugh.

[BlackPrism]

This is the first post that has me actually giggling instead of just exhaling through my nose as something's funny

[eBae]

I just rolled back down and lay there like a little slug

Best image of the thread!

[BlackPrism]

I have my sister to add - picture the scene: she was 16, we were on holiday and the food hadn't agreed with her all day.

We were sitting in the outside restaurant (white chairs, white tables, lovely tiled pale blue floor)... a boy she'd fancied all week came to ask her if she'd like to go to the water park with him tomorrow.

We were surprised when she very sharply said no, could he leave please and she'd speak to him tomorrow.

Confusedly we looked at her as he walked away. When he was outside she LAUNCHED herself to the loo.

She had shit herself on the white chair out of nerves and a dicky tummy.

We cleaned up. She cried. We laughed. Good times.

[Kracken]

Such funny stories!

I went away for a weekend with my boyfriend about two months into our relationship. We were staying a lovely airbnb studio flat but the one toilet was right next to the bedroom/living area. I had been holding in my farts all day because I was trying to maintain a perfect, fresh smelling facade for my new boyfriend. We were going out for dinner so I thought I would let out all my wind in the pub toilet. But sadly I couldn't wait that long. As we were walking down a country lane to the pub I lost control and let out a massive fart then loads of short ones like gunfire. I was absolutely mortified and ran down the lane away from my boyfriend, but the running actually made me fart even more. He chased me, laughing his head off, as he didn't want to miss any of the farts. He still brings it up four years later!

[CaptainBrickbeard]

Kracken I love the image of you running away, farting .

[IsabelleSE19]

He's a keeper kraken!

This thread

I once foolishly agreed to spot for a guy I worked with as he lifted weights - a sneaky popper went off basically in his face. Tried to style it out as my trainer on the floor - don't know if he bought it

[CaptainBrickbeard]

I was going to start going to yoga but I know I would be too windy for it. What makes some people windier than others? Is it all influenced by diet?

[GummyGoddess]

I blame talking too much while eating. Too much air swallowed

[Absoluteunit]

In hospital post c section and had horrendous wind. V straight laced FIL had arrived to see baby. I really needed to fart and it was agony holding it in so I tried for what I hoped would be a silent fart. Nope. Let rip the loudest fart ever, felt like it vibrated the walls I wasn't even sorry. It was totally worth it. He didn't say anything. His face though!

[theluckiest]

I'm such a child...farts have always been and continue to be hilarious.

I'm a primary school teacher. Perfect job for letting rip and blaming on a nearby child with a stern look I can also confirm that the veggie children are windier...Man alive, are 7 yr olds windy...my classroom often has a green fug after lunch.

I also often forget that people can hear me fart when I run and I have earphones in.

But surely any of us who have experienced pregnancy yoga have no fart shame?! The 'cool-down' meditative bit at the end was like a fart-orchestra. A room full of heavily pg ladies dozing off was a beautiful symphony of toots and parps...

[AgentCooper]

My sister and I were once taking money at the door of a club night. She had been on the red wine and curry the previous night and did a massive, utterly honking fart and then legged it out the door when she saw a couple of punters approaching. This was a Christmas night so we were taking money in a very small foyer, not outside. She left me with the money, awful smell and two visibly disgusted customers.

Hope these stories are making you feel better OP, you certainly cheered me up

[dontletmedowngently]

A few years ago I was back at work on the day after Boxing Day having had the cold from hell over Christmas. There was only me and another lady in the office that day, and after a couple of days of over indulging I was struggling to keep things contained.
When she went for lunch I took the opportunity to release a bit of pressure, and on discovering that it didn’t smell at all I spent the next half an hour making the most of it.
Just as she reappeared, I remembered that my cold had completely wiped out my sense of smell, so there was a very high probability that I had turned the air absolutely rancid!
I did the decent thing and dashed off for my break. And then spent the rest of the day shivering because when I got back I found that she’d opened all the office windows.
We never mentioned it, but I suspect that as she was a lifelong Jehovah’s Witness I managed to convince her of the evils of celebrating Christmas!

[SimplySteveRedux]

I let go a stream in the doctors office following surgery. I heard her spraying air freshener as I left..

[DobbyTheHouseElk]

I’m a beauty therapist and I can confirm that plenty of clients fart during treatments.

Pedicures and bikini waxing are particularly windy. I usually pretend they haven’t farted, because it’s the polite thing to do.

[Hayls17]

This thread has made me cry with laughter, I’ve had a shitty day so thank you so much for cheering me up!

[BeautifulWintersMorning]

Ha ha at her being "fully booked" next time

[Fandorafannyfarter]

Some years back I decided to take myself to the local gym to use the sauna, pool and jacuzzi. I had a bit of a swim then headed for the jacuzzi and lounged there for a few moments. Decided to then head to the steam room but upon entering the door I realised there was already a man in there so as quickly as I could just sat quietly in a corner. Shortly afterwards he decided to leave and as he was leaving via the then open door I decided to scootch myself back into a more comfortable position and let out the almightiest fanny fart you have ever heard made more echo'y from the small space of the steam room. I nearly died of dehydration afterwards as I sat there for a further 20 minutes till everyone who had been in the pool when I FF'd had left.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Your nickname behind your back'll be
Farty pants.

Meanwhile.. Crazy has obviously never farted in her life. Well when she does. It'll be an absolute cracker.