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Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

(1000 Posts)
pineapplebryanbrown Sun 12-May-19 00:18:14

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

WaxaCuntee Sun 12-May-19 10:47:52

About dispute with neighbours

There you go DT. I haven't read much of it but it seems to be that the woman has lost her mind and doesn't want any water on her waterproof car or something.

WaxaCuntee Sun 12-May-19 10:49:06

Can't Naked just get on with the apocalypse and we won't need to make money as we will have control of all the ASDAs ?

DanglyTassles Sun 12-May-19 11:07:58

Thank you wax ... well that was all very odd. Someone asked her about her thigh rash in the middle of it all and she said it went quite quickly. grin

Poor jennifer obviously hasn't anything much to complain about, she'd have a field day in here! She's a real life Pineapple!

thislido Sun 12-May-19 11:21:35

How old are you, 25?

DogHairEverywhere Sun 12-May-19 11:59:19

Morning Thisters!
I think Wax has hit upon the crux of the matter, we are wasting our energy thinking of money making schemes. When the ZA has annihilated most of mankind, (leave the dogs), we would have no need of money. Perhaps Naked could crack on. Is there anything we could do to help. I could make some sparkly pom-poms to do a sort of unpleasant cheerleading dance. Well, i say dance, it would be more moving my fat from one side of the sofa to the other, luckily it would all be hidden by my slanket.

Karmin Sun 12-May-19 12:18:36

How can I convince my almost 3yr old ds he needs to sleep? He is the Duracell bunny until he crashes at 9:30, regardless of which room he is in and if we are in there with him. He will scream, jump, sing and climb until his off switch kicks in...

Karmin Sun 12-May-19 12:19:38

Doesn't nap in the day, eats ok, possible autism the HV has referred to paed

ProjectGainsborough Sun 12-May-19 12:26:57

Um. I want to help you Karmin, I really do, but the Dark Lord didn’t sleep for the first few years of his life. One day (well after I’d finally lost my mind) he just decided he needed sleep and that was it. Until then, have you tried drinking?

DanglyTassles Sun 12-May-19 12:30:39

Karmin that's easy just live for 9.30 pm every day!

Plan all of the wonderful things you could do at 9.30 and look forward to snacking and lying down in peace. It totally doesn't matter if you just crash out asleep at that time, at least you had a dream to live for!

thislido Sun 12-May-19 12:32:15

And some kind of large holding pen, since it sounds like he entertains himself? Or a relatively busy fenced playground - if it's busy it will less obvious that you've just left him there for a few hours.

DanglyTassles Sun 12-May-19 12:33:17

Dog for the cause of supporting the ZA I am also willing to roll round the sofa in my slanket a few times!

I haven't got any pom poms but will crayon some!

DanglyTassles Sun 12-May-19 12:36:02

Also Karmin , we have someone on here who likes to babysit! She is called 25

Engage her services and then go on the razz until you can't see anything anymore!

Come to think of it you may need to book her for all night and the next day too. Or move her in!

Karmin Sun 12-May-19 12:44:56

Sounds like a plan thanks all!!

pineapplebryanbrown Sun 12-May-19 13:10:13

Karmin is your son on crack (no judgement)? If he is, get him on to something more mellow like weed.

pineapplebryanbrown Sun 12-May-19 13:23:57

Oh that neighbour dispute thread is wonderful - someone did some sleuthing and found one where her neighbour was complaining about her!! It's the little things that make me happy.

pineapplebryanbrown Sun 12-May-19 13:25:53

Where in the fuck is Naked? We are waiting patiently for our Zombie Apocalypse - plus our bombs and weapons and weaponised piss bombs.

ArchiCleverBaldCunt Sun 12-May-19 13:34:55

Karmin just ignore him completely, like you've never had a child. He'll bring himself up. That's what I did with my dc and they're a real credit to me now - all four of them have responsible jobs with the travelling fair. Dd is actually in charge of the bit where you try to win goldfish. I'm so proud.

ArchiCleverBaldCunt Sun 12-May-19 13:36:59

I would like to divert briefly back to the last thread and to the mention of prostate massage. Have any of us actually done this? Other than in an attempt to torture I mean

Frith2013 Sun 12-May-19 13:40:48

How can I make my DC1 get up? He’s been asleep since 11pm last night. First GCSE tomorrow.

thislido Sun 12-May-19 13:52:06

Well, best he’s well-rested for the exam. Perhaps he’s nervous about it and blocking it out with sleep. What do you want him to do when he gets up?

CarolinePooter Sun 12-May-19 13:54:04

Waft a bacon sandwich under his nose.

WaxaCuntee Sun 12-May-19 13:56:53

Frith - Tell him to stay in bed all day because none of it matters anyway particularly if Naked gets the ZA started. But if you insist and you really want him to get up just get a gun, shoot it at the floor and say 'time to get up little frith'
He will then get up.

DanglyTassles Sun 12-May-19 13:57:54

Thigh I'm fed up with waiting for the ZA! I've been poised with my semi-automatic piss bomb for days now!

<runs back to neighbour thread to find link to other neighbour thread>

pineapplebryanbrown Sun 12-May-19 17:02:43

DT I'm in such a state of poised readiness for the ZA that I'm exhausted and in desperate need of a pre-dinner nap.

For dinner I bought some McCains jacket potatoes - they really don't look any different to potatoes so I've got high hopes that there's something secretly delicious about them to explain them being in a box.

pineapplebryanbrown Sun 12-May-19 17:19:13

And it has the "willy willy willy" thread embedded in it. The neighbour dispute is such a joy!

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