Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Please help me with this complicated childcare conundrum? Please, please! <begging tone>

179 replies

WideWebWitch · 26/07/2005 22:44

Oh god, it's long and complicated but please, read on and tell me what to do. Background: I have been looking for work for 7months. I need a job. I've just got a job, hurrah! Reasonably well paid, but it's a contract 3.5 hours drive from where I live with my 2 children (7.5yo ds and 20mos dd) and dp. Ds is ex dh's. We are still good friends and I love and get on with his mum, ex MIL (keeping up here?), who lives in London. Ex MIL is 1 hr drive away from my new contract and has offered to put me up AND look after my children! So my options for childcare are:

Ex MIL, who I love and who loves both my children, even though one of them is no blood relation to her. She has offered to look after dd (20mos) AND ds (7.5yo) AND put me up for not much money. Ds would be there to settle dd in and I would be there at the end of every day. So 3/4 of my family, i.e. ds, dd, I, will be together next week and the next few weeks over the summer holidays. Dp will stay in Bristol BUT will be able to do unlimited overtime and earn quite a bit more money (not as much as me, ha!, but still useful).

OR we find a nursery for dd now, if there is a place, in Bristol, where we live. But suddenly I disappear and am not around during the week AND she's in a strange place, i.e new nursery, plus her brother, ds, will be in London with me and will suddenly disappear from her life it will seem to her. But dp, her father, would drop and collect her and put her to bed every night in her own home.

Oh goodness, what would you do? Our options seem to be splittng our family up (i.e. dp lives alone until the end of the summer hols, the rest of us live in London) and keeping 3 of us together until the new term when dd will have to go into a nursery (yet to be found) and ds will go to after school club. Once my contract ends it might be extended or I will be at home again. Any advice welcome. TIA.

I can't not take the job, we need the money but any other thoughts or advice welcome. TIA.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 26/07/2005 23:32

Oh I know wny you feel as you do, I do too! I went for interview saying 'if I get it it'll be crap because it's so far away and if I don't I'll be cross because I'll have failed...

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 26/07/2005 23:33

oh wordsmith don't get all uppity

We only care for www and her wellbeing

CountessDracula · 26/07/2005 23:34

oi www on msn

Enid · 26/07/2005 23:34

i deleted msn

wordsmith · 26/07/2005 23:34

Oh Enid I'm not even going to answer that one. Sod it I will. No, I am a woman, but also a realist who understands that life can't always be as perfect as we want it. And that we should support other women who are trying to support their families. Not make them feel 'like a dog in a corner'.

WideWebWitch · 26/07/2005 23:34

Well true wordsmith adn it has occurred to me that this happens often and nobody questions it...thank you. I am the higher earner by quite a long way (twice what he earns) and honestly, we can't live on dp's salary (we have proved this you should see our overdraft which was granted on my earning capacity, I feel responsible!)

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 26/07/2005 23:36

x posted btw! Thanks all, please don't fight about little ol me cd, I haven't got msn but have got hotmail...

OP posts:
Enid · 26/07/2005 23:36

hmm

yes I think I am also a realist but maybe in a different way

CountessDracula · 26/07/2005 23:37

oh right you are on my msn though! No idea how???

emmatmg · 26/07/2005 23:37

Well then, I hope it all goes well for you all WWW, and the time flies by.

Has MIL got a PC? You'll have to get on MN somehow during the week, you know.....so childcare isn't the only dilemma, getting a nightly MN fix is too

Good luck and enjoy all that lovely cash!

Tinker · 26/07/2005 23:37

Blimey, what a dilemma. I couldn't do it. Just has 'Stress' written all over it. But, good luck. Wish I could think of soemthing useful to suggest really.

ScummyMummy · 26/07/2005 23:38

Are you absolutely 110% sure you need to take this job? I love you loads as I hope you know and I know you desperately want a job and I hate to rain on your parade... But I honestly think both arrangements sound like they could potentially be real disasters. Option one means that dp is effectively frozen out of the family and doesn't get to see his lovely kids or lovely you except at weekends. Also you will have to fit into your ex mother in law's home long-term and that may be hard in practice. You would also be very beholden to her, IMO, because even if looking after both kids is her heart's desire it is a big, big ask to have the 3 of you staying.
Option 2 reverses your and dp's positions in that it isolates you from your babies and dp. I think you need to think really long and hard about how realistic this one is, babe. Personally I couldn't be away from my kids and partner all week, every week and be emotionally ok. Equally I would be seriously upset if my partner chose to take a job that left me on my own all week with the kids. I'd miss him like crazy and, much as I yearn for him to get a brilliantly paid interesting job, I'm not sure that any money would be worth it if he had to effectively move out of our home. As an ongoing thing it really wouldn't work for us. I know my partner couldn't do it either- he'd miss the kids a lot and me too I hope.

I reckon you need to be absolutely sure that this is worth putting yourself, dp and the kids through and it is what you all really want. SO hope I've got the tone right in this post- I hate disagreeing with my friends! And I'm arguing against my own best interests because I'd love you to be in London.

WideWebWitch · 26/07/2005 23:38

CD I did have msn but deleted it when some silly teenage girl spent time on my pc and I kept getting inane missives from teen mates. Deleting whole prog seemed quickest!

OP posts:
Enid · 26/07/2005 23:39
Smile
wordsmith · 26/07/2005 23:39

CD I'm not getting uppity! I'm just pointing out that

a) she's already taken the job
b) she's not harming her children - it sounds as though she has the most amendable childcare arrangement available and
c) her DP is eminently qualified to look after the kids!

People who work away from home do miss their kids. Men and women. But she's not leaving home! She'll see them every weekend! Stop talking as though it's the end of the world!

CountessDracula · 26/07/2005 23:39

well that's what I meant but am too inadequate to post

Enid · 26/07/2005 23:39

i deleted msn when cod went on holiday

am coward

CountessDracula · 26/07/2005 23:40

that was aimed at scummy's post btw

wordsmith I have been told not to argue so yes, whatever

Enid · 26/07/2005 23:40

well to me it would be the end of the world actually wordsmith

and I want to absolutely check that www has thought it through

but if she has, c'est la vie

WideWebWitch · 26/07/2005 23:43

Oh Scummy and enid and emmmatmg, I really appreciate that everyone here doesn't just say 'hey, great, go for it' I do WANT honesty and all opinions. If it wasn't a contract I'd say it was a no brainer, we should all move. But it's so uncertain. Maybe what I should say is I'll do a month and see how it goes. I leave the children in Bristol wtih dp, no disruption to them and we review in Sept? In meantime I stay with MIl because no harm done.

OP posts:
Enid · 26/07/2005 23:43

sounds good to me

CountessDracula · 26/07/2005 23:44

"no brainer"

Hmmmm methinks your contract is PM one???

Enid · 26/07/2005 23:44

when do you start?

CountessDracula · 26/07/2005 23:44

is it in london? Where?

Enid · 26/07/2005 23:45

i have a friend who commutes up eveyr monday who lives very near you www