Called to HR for behaviour at an after-work event. Thoughts, please...

[DrLoveHandles]

Name changed because this is potentially outing.

I was at an after-work reception last week. There was mingling. I mingled into a group of four colleagues. All were holding wine. I was holding orange juice.

One of the colleagues - different department, never met him before - asked "Why aren't you drinking?"
I kind of waved my hand, said "Oh, you know, reasons" and laughed. I believe this made it clear I didn't want to discuss the matter without making things awkward.
The guy then said "Intriguing, like what reasons?"

I saw red. I basically listed all the reasons why someone mightn't be drinking alcohol and told him it was inappropriate to ask. I didn't shout or swear and I wasn't overtly aggressive. But my tone was patronising and I took a very forthright kind of stance (unblinking eye contact, standing at full height, no smiles etc.). I didn't give him time to reply, I excused myself from the group and went home shortly afterwards.

Today I got an email from my line manager asking me for a meeting with her and HR people to discuss what went on. Apparently, its a matter of unprofessional behaviour.

I'm not in a union.

I've never had any dealings with HR before. I'd be really grateful to hear anyone's thoughts on this situation. I mean anything - what might happen? What I should do to prepare etc?

A couple of comments were made around a glass of orange juice, no one was "harassed", well the HR meeting will determine whether the OP harassed this man she works with it looks like.

Was it definitely the chap who reported you? Not someone else present?

What were the reasons you gave not to drink? It’s possible HR are checking that you’re ok despite being a pregnant alcoholic with an infection.

@Backtoschooloncemore I'm a lawyer who specialises in discrimination law and ABoldStatement is right in what she said. You're coming up with hypotheticals doesn't change the fact that based on the info we had about the OP, the OP's scenario as were told about doe not have the same merits legally as the hypothetical scenario you gave.

I'm a black woman and I found it a bit offensive to be honest that you said the comments made to the OP were the same as clearly racist comments.

I also find it a little offensive that a couple of people who are IMO clearly not solicitors or barristers practising discrimination or employment law feel entitled enough to argue the law as if they know best and it's a simplistic area of law. It is not. Declaring someone may have a protected characteristic does not automatically make an act discriminatory. You've chosen to completely ignore the legal principles ABoldStatement referred to and instead chose to distract by widening the goalposts with hypotheticals.

"you know, reasons..." could quite easily be taken as an invitation to ask for details, you need a better line.

I doubt anything will come of the HR meeting, it is a storm in a teacup.
But I am flabbergasted that it escalated like that and OP only has herself to blame for that.

You didn't overreact and you answered his provocative question with the acerbity that it deserved. Thank you for communicating this on behalf of all non-drinkers who have had enough of giving generic answers whilst stifling the urge to throw our non-alcoholic drinks into their face for poking the bunny with moronic questions.

If anyone asked me why I wasn't drinking, I wouldn't even answer the question. It's out of order. I would diplomatically change the subject to something totally bland. If they asked again, I would make excuses and drift away, and then consider reporting that person to HR for harassment.

I’d go in with the view that he asked a personal inappropriate question which was initially politely shut down and then when that didn’t work more firmly shutdown. I would be clear that now hr is involved exactly how are they going to manage this man’s behaviour

Because she was there for work and he didn't know her so had no idea how welcome advances would be.

The more I read here, the more I think "mind your own business" or the slightly softer "none of your business" would have been the best response. I really hope someone has complained to HR about this blokes behaviour and you are being called as a witness