Anyone retired early at 59 and struggled with guilt about leaving work?

[Unhappyatworkagain]

I'm 59 and I have had enough of work. I have no interest in going, learning anything new and cry everyday! I dream of retiring early. My husband says I can leave early but I feel so guilty. He works so hard and is well paid for what he does. My problem is that I feel a failure if I quit. I have an expensive hobby that my salary helps with but I know I can't go on feeling like this. I even hoped that my car would break down this morning so I didn't have to go. I've always worked but I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't retain information anymore and feel so unsatisfied and that life is just passing me by! Anyone else taken the plunge and if so did it work or should I just shut up and get on with it? If I retire early I will spend all my time worrying about money!

If it helps, I'm 58 and will be retiring at 59. I will not be looking back over my shoulder.

Can't wait.

60 used to be retirement age for women. Maybe because some of us arr finding it harder to keep a clear head by then. If work seems a struggle and you can afford to, retire. DH will benefit too from you being more relaxed.

I’m 58, haven’t fully retired yet but have cut my hours drastically. Retirement doesn’t have to be permanent. You can always try it and then decide it’s not the best time.

Is it the nature of your work or the thought of any work? How are your energy levels and general mental health? Is there the opportunity for you to go part time, take a career break for a few months, or become a consultant (e.g. you’re called in to work on specific projects) in your field?

No! I went down to three days at age 56 as I was struggling to do my job to the high standards I wanted to reach and was worn out - senior teacher and SENCO in large inner city secondary school. Luckily the head was able to accommodate me and I stopped my teaching commitment and just did all the SEN work.

i enjoyed these three years, it allowed me to start some interests outside school and help my family, my mum had just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and my younger sister needed childcare after school one day a week. However, I decided to fully retire at age 59 rather than start the school year and then leave part way through when my teachers pension kicked in at age 60. This suited the school as well as me as they could then recruit a new SENCO for the start of the year.

it was the best thing I did. My job was very full on, I lived alone and ended up working most evenings and weekends so I was able to adjust to a slower life gradually rather than fo from busy to idle over night!

It doesn't sound as though you really understand your financial situation, I think you need to look into that properly first, understand your pension(s) and whether they will meet your needs till state pension age. Perhaps your DH's income will be sufficient, but either way you need to understand it all properly.

If I could afford to quit I would.
If you can afford to stop then you should
Resign today.
life's too short for you to be this unhappy

Thank you all for your kind words. I did think that I would be told to shut up and be grateful. Its just that feeling of expecting my husband to carry on until he is 67 and I don't! I think deep down I would like to try it and then if something came along for a couple of days I could if I wanted to if that makes sense. I love being at home with my many pets, gardening, doing our house up, walking. I think as a women we are programmed to feel guilt for everything!

@AImportantMermaid Thank you. Its more the feeling that my brain can't take anymore information and I constantly loose track of what I am doing. I used to be spot on. Its not that my job is particularly difficult although they want me to take on some IT admin and that is definitely not for me - I'm just not interested anymore. I am super fit but weary (if that makes sense)!.

Can you afford it? I know you said you can with your DHs salary, but could you if he has to retire earlier than 67, or needs to for his health too? Would you have to give up your expensive hobby for example? If you can afford it I don’t see any reason for you not to retire now, 59 isn’t that young.

I'm 57 and am definitely starting to feel as ypu do - don't dread it as such, just find it so difficult to retain information and am so tired of making so many decisions. I'm giving it another 18 months or so and then plan to reduce my hours for a couple of years and then retire if I feel like it. Would going part time for a while in a sort of phased retirement be an option?

The thing to really remember is that life can be incredibly, painfully short. Yes you may live to 100, but you also could very well not. If you can afford to change a negative situation, do. No one is benefiting from you keeping yourself in this situation. You could think about eventually looking for a little job for ‘pocket money’ if you need to to feel ok about retiring but you can afford to leave.

I'm going at 60 OP, my working life has always been planned to go then, thankfully I can still take the biggest chunk of my NHS pension then.
Don't feel guilty but also if you can't afford to live the life you want at 60, consider reducing your hours or find a less stressful job?

You hate working now, your DH supports your retirement a bit early, so work out finances, see if you can trim back anywhere (if you need to), try to keep your hobby and just go for it. You will be dead and gone eventually and who will care what you did with your life. Enjoy your freedom and your mental and physical health will improve enormously. There is no price on that.

I retired early at 58, and I can tell you hand on heart, that only guilt I felt was not having gone sooner!

@Overthebow yes I think we could afford it. I wouldn't have to give up my hobby but its the feeling I am being selfish that is hard. We would have to be careful with money.

Do it. You only get one run at life. Fwiw I retired at 54, felt the same guilt, so have picked up work at a midday lunch supervisor in a primary school. Very part time - but takes the edge of the guilt, brings in a little extra but also makes me still feel useful to society. Plus I can still do everything else I wanted to do, but couldn’t, on a six day working week.
Your DH is happy for you to try it, you want to try it. If it doesn’t work out, you try another approach until it does work out.

I had an early menopause at 42 and osteoporosis by 49 so once our mortgage was paid off in the first week of covid, I saved like buggery to retire as soon as I could and stopped work 4 months before my 54th birthday. I drew down a private pension at 55 but by then we'd bought a new house in France and moved there permanently.

There was zero chance of me being able to work til I was 67.

And no, i feel no guilt but when we both retired we had calculated our pensions, income etc to cover our costs and the move and any extras. So it really depends on your own situation financially.

I am retiring early next year. Feel zero guilt, have told my manager and theirs, set a date etc.

I don't have any concerns about money though, I recognise that is different from the OP.

@gingercat02 I have an NHS pension (was in the NHS for 25 years) before I took on my present job of only 1 year and hence I always planned to take my lump sum at 60. It won't be massive as I wasn't on a great salary but it will help.

@Shedmistress That's brilliant. Enjoy your retirement in France x

I retired at 57 and have never looked back and certainly never felt any guilt.
I worked hard, made additional payments into my pension precisely so I could finish while I was still young & active enough to enjoy life.
My OH is 3yrs younger than me and because HE felt it was a bit early for HIM to finish completely, works just 2-days a week (although he will be stopping that very soon).

If you are financially secure, finish work and enjoy life
You never know, your DH may see just how liberating it is and decide to join you 👍

I dearly wish I could retire (I’m 60) but time taken off work to foster/adopt in my 30s has left my work pensions low, so I can’t.

Embrace the opportunity- do it for me, who can’t, and enjoy life!

I went at 57, after almost 38 years, I hated it and DH said just go. Voluntary redundancy popped up and I signed up within seconds.

havent looked back. No guilt, after a lifetime of doing everything for everyone and working full time for most of it, I deserved it.

You do too

Hello OP.
I had intention of retiring in 3 years time age 62 when my husband retires aged 67. Now...I left my job in February and it's taking me longer to find a new role that I had hope.. still looking 🙁. Due to this, I find myself trying to decide to stop looking and just retire. I have a DB pension and I had asked how much I would get if I was to start getting the pension next year.. when I am 60. Being retired, would allow me to be able to travel back to my home county if my mum needs any care. She broke her arm in May, and I haven't been able to go. I have 4 siblings who take turns looking after her, and they have never mentioned me flying over to do my share, but I feel bad for not being able to do it. Retiring and getting my DB pension would allow me to do so... but I feel so guilty for just thinking about it. My husband is happy with the idea, he is more in favour of it than i am. He keeps tells me that we can afford it.. but I just feel guilty just thinking about it. I think I wait until I get the information from the pension company and make a decision. I understand completely your feeling

Consciously NC for this to indicate my response! 🤣
DH and I did it younger than you as we felt the same and the sums added up. Zero regrets. I did vacillate like you before making the decision. He didn’t.
Go for it. Every day should matter and enrich your life.