Update on daughter’s job search and strained relationship at home.

[Bluelagoon02]

Just over a year ago, in a moment of total desperation, I reached out on this forum and allowed myself to open up about my family situation, particularly regarding my daughter's inability to find work. I created two threads and received an incredible amount of support. Many people came forward with ideas, and a couple even offered to speak directly with her. I truly felt touched by most people kindness.

I always wanted to come back and provide an update.
Thanks through some networking she managed to find a part-time job with a local family company, but unfortunately the role is only part-time. This means she hasn't yet been able to leave home and become fully independent.

On a positive note, she was also offered a position teaching English in South Korea, but after careful consideration, she decided to decline it. Similarly, she had to turn down a job in Barcelona, which not only offered a very low salary but also appeared to have the potential for a toxic working environment. Having said that, she was prepared to go anyway, but felt incredibly guilty about leaving her current part-time job at such short notice. Being loyal sometimes has its disadvantages.

So here I am again, living with a very frustrated, unhappy, socially isolated young woman and our broken relationship. I have tried so hard to offer support, but all my efforts and suggestions have been rejected or gone unappreciated.

Sadly, I am unable to follow the excellent advice of Mel Robbins, who says that if a person doesn't want to listen to you, they won't—regardless of your efforts or good intentions.

There is a part of me that wishes I could go back to when she graduated in July 2024. Trust me, I wouldn't make half the mistakes I made during these last years.

If anybody has any suggestions on how to navigate through this difficult time, I’d be more than happy to hear them. As a result of this immense stress, my health has taken a bad turn.

Thank you

What difficult time exactly? From your own description, your daughter has found part-time work and has received job offers in both South Korea and Barcelona. That doesn't sound like someone who is sitting around doing nothing.
To be honest, the post reads as though you've become completely overinvested in your adult daughter's employment situation and are turning it into a much bigger problem than it actually is. The real issue doesn't seem to be her ability to find opportunities, but your inability to accept the decisions she makes about them.
She's an adult. She considered the jobs, weighed the pros and cons, and made her choices. At some point you have to step back and let her live with the consequences of those decisions instead of treating her career as a problem for you to solve. The fact that you're describing your health suffering and your life being consumed by this suggests the boundary issue may be yours, not hers.

@thefloorislavayes I think the OP wants her DD to work full time so she can leave and get her own place. If I recall correctly they clash due to her DDs inability to grow up like most children eventually do and treats OP badly. Not done AS so could be wrong.

I guess I needed to hear this, but my good God, you have been incredibly direct and somewhat rude. You have no idea what we've been through, so for you to judge the situation when I came here kindly seeking comfort is pretty awful. But anyway, I asked for it, so I suppose it's my fault. I don't know how old your children are, but I hope that one day you'll experience the same.

I think I remember your post.

It would be helpful if you could tell us now what is it you want? Is it you want her to leave?

Indeed, the jobs she had been offered were full-time. However, many reviews seemed to indicate significant issues—issues that would have been complicated to resolve once she had made the decision to relocate.
It is true that it would have been better for her to make those decisions herself and live with the consequences. However, her current part-time job prevented her from feeling free to make those decisions without feeling guilty about leaving at such short notice.
I am aware that I should have stepped back a little, but my daughter's anxiety makes it very difficult for me to let go. It is a weakness of mine, I know. I just don't want her to feel worse than she already does.

@Bluelagoon02
this sounds really tough bless your heart.

If Your daughter is just working part time, maybe she could do some volunteering hours somewhere to pad the week out a bit? I know it’s not paid and doesn’t help financially, but it could be good for her and sometimes working/volunteering in a role helping others helps the person themselves learn and grow, develop new skills and an appreciation of others which in turn could guide her to the next part of her career journey. Maybe worth thinking about.

Good question. Perhaps I don’t know the answer myself.

All I know is that it has been particularly hard to watch her go through thousands of job applications, full of big dreams for a fresh future, only to see them crumble right before her eyes almost every time.

The job in Barcelona could have been good for her. We were all excited about it, only to discover that it had serious flaws, not to mention a very low salary. I guess no job is perfect, but ideally, you would want to leave your current position to improve your situation, not the other way around just because the job is in sunny Spain rather than the UK, if that makes sense.

I know that at her age no job is perfect. I just want her to be independent and free to live her life.

Yes, I suggested that and much more. Nothing seems to make an impact on her, which is why I am very concerned. It feels as though she has completely lost herself.
That said, I am incredibly proud of her and her resilience. The only sadness is that all her hard work has not paid off enough for her to feel truly free.