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indirect discrimination against working mother

323 replies

SamSam786R · 04/03/2026 23:18

Dear all,i am concerned that my employers are pushing me out of the business as working there has become impossible. as primary childcare provider for my children i require a certain amount of flexibility to work. the job i do is comms and can be done remotely. despite this i will go into the office three days a week. however, HR have told me that i must do certain days where childcare is impossible and so i am scrambling each week to find someone to watch my kids after school. they have said that this poilcy applies to all employees and NO exceptions can be made. my manager has told me that a job like mine is not suitable for working mothers and HR have stated that if i can not work around my children i need to go part time. in tandem i have now been put on an informal pip for a spelling error. since then, every mistake is emailed to me and my manager will message me on teams with all capital letters asking why i made these mistakes and that i can no longer make any mistakes at work. obviously, this along with the lack of flexibility or understanding has put me under immense stress - just today i cried in the toilet for one hour and had a minor panic attack. it might seem like a small thing, but these small aggressive remarks and confrontational emails have taken a huge toll on me. futhermore, my childless colleagues have been given leeway for working hours and days due to relocations. on top of that my HR person has stated that i am not attending the office for my full hours despite him coming in after me and leaving before every week. i am also one of the few people who come into an office regularly. they have also said i have baby brain on many occasions and compared me to my male colleagues. sorry for making this so long and rambly, there are so many other things that they have said and done to me, im so tired and would LOVE to resign but i need to pay my bills and the job market is awful right now. advice on: a: how to survive and b: how to escalate this with employment tribunal. thank you

OP posts:
Duvetdayneeded · 04/03/2026 23:35

How is this discrimination?

GrimDamnFanjo · 04/03/2026 23:37

Do you belong to a union?

Jambags · 05/03/2026 00:32

I would recommend checking out: Pregnant Then Screwed https://share.google/jHMkLlZC8FYWgyzy1
They have an advice line that you can call and ask about employment rights, discrimination etc.

HelplessSoul · 05/03/2026 05:04

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Mumof1andacat · 05/03/2026 05:11

Is there an agreement in the pip about how feed back is going to be given. I don't see how feedback over teams messages is professional or the right way to do it.

PollyBell · 05/03/2026 05:12

I dont see how it is discrimination, there are endless examples of people crying discrimination when they don't get what they want

You would need to prove it

Snorlaxo · 05/03/2026 05:16

IANAL but can you gather evidence if you’re taking this employer to tribunal? It sounds like they might be happy to pay you to leave.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/03/2026 05:17

There’s no bearing on your workplace to provide more flexibility because you are the primary childcare provider for your children.

I would look elsewhere, but it’s not discrimination. If your OP is typical
of how your write at work, then I’m not surprised there’s an issue, especially with working in comms.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 05/03/2026 05:20

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That was your response to someone who is under immense stress and very upset? Have a word with yourself.

Beryl23 · 05/03/2026 05:28

Sorry that you are felling so stressed and under pressure and as mentioned above you need to seek clarification about how feedback is given. Additionally what your manager said about the job not being suitable for working mothers and making comments about baby brain is not acceptable and this is definitely something you could raise.

However, I think there are a few things you need to think about and answer honestly to yourself:

Are you working the required amount of hours?

Are you completing your job/work to the required standard?

If you are required to be in the office on specific days, can you find a permanent childcare solution to relieve the pressure on yourself, such as after school club or a childminder?

Have you submitted a formal flexible working request?

Would working part time suit your current situation better?

Hope things improve for you.

Behappier · 05/03/2026 05:35

You have the statutory right to submit a formal flexible working request twice a year and your employer has to have a prescribed business reason for refusal. If the process is not followed properly, you can take the matter to an employment tribunal. You will find lots of guidance online or you could look into free employment law advice from Acas, which has a free helpline. There may also be other bases to challenge some of the other conduct that you can also seek advice on (employment law specifically is not my specialism, but I'd be surprised if there are no other grounds).

Snorlaxo · 05/03/2026 05:35

If you can’t get childcare on certain days, then presumably you planned to look after your kids and work from home at the same time? Your employer isn’t unreasonable to say that’s not acceptable and not allow you to work from home on those days because they don’t want you to be looking after the kids too.

You say that you are primary childcare provider. That’s not your employer’s problem. What’s the deal with the children’s dad? Maybe it’s time that he did more to make your working life easier?

luckylavender · 05/03/2026 05:39

Duvetdayneeded · 04/03/2026 23:35

How is this discrimination?

Seriously?

OneGreySeal · 05/03/2026 05:42

Don’t listen to the passive aggressive comments on here, people on mumsnet generally hate working mothers who question the system which is so heavily built up to be against them. It’s nasty race to the bottom.

Sounds like harassment and borderline bullying because they don’t want to offer flexible working where it can be offered because as you said it’s a job that can be done remotely.

Get your union involved and speak to ACAS for free legal advice. In the meantime ensure you are documenting every conversation with time and place. Try keep an email record of every thing forward to your personal email.

latelydaydreams · 05/03/2026 05:42

Comments about baby brain are not acceptable.

PPs have identified though have you made a formal flexible working request.
Why can you not organise childcare?
Work don’t have to make accommodations for you, but they do need to treat all employees fairly, document everything and take the emotion out of the situation. I know that’s hard, but is what they are asking of you different to others? Is this because they are performing and you are not?

EleanorReally · 05/03/2026 05:47

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/03/2026 05:17

There’s no bearing on your workplace to provide more flexibility because you are the primary childcare provider for your children.

I would look elsewhere, but it’s not discrimination. If your OP is typical
of how your write at work, then I’m not surprised there’s an issue, especially with working in comms.

Edited

was that really necessary to be so unkind?

PrincessofWells · 05/03/2026 05:52

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Actually there is. Op speak to ACAS or pregnant and screwed.

HelplessSoul · 05/03/2026 06:31

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Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 05/03/2026 06:33

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There's no need for such rudeness.

HelplessSoul · 05/03/2026 06:34

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EleanorReally · 05/03/2026 06:35

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this is not the right thread for your attitude

EvangelineTheNightStar · 05/03/2026 06:41

@SamSam786R does your child’s school have bfast club/afterschool?
can their dad take on equal load?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/03/2026 06:43

Why are you scrambling to find after school care because they want you in the office? They should be in childcare anyway if you are wfh.

Goldmonkey · 05/03/2026 06:44

@HelplessSoul I’ve reported your first post. Your responses to @Needtosoundoffandbreathe suggest that your posts have more to do with you than the OP but regardless, it should be removed.

Whatever is going on for you, I hope you’re able to get through the day without bringing that kind of energy into your interactions with the real world where you would likely have to deal with the consequences of that type of communication.

Maybe in the meantime you could avoid posting on threads where the OP has explained that they’re in distress and having panic attacks and stick to posts about parking.

crossedlines · 05/03/2026 06:48

You shouldn’t be scrabbling around for childcare each week: you need to have a proper arrangement in place. This is the same whether you’re in the office or working at home - you need childcare to cover all your working hours. This is not discrimination.

the spelling and other issues over mistakes in your work - again, as long as they are reporting them to you and acting through the correct processes, it’s not discrimination. It’s what they should be doing! It’s an important part of your job in comms to be sending communications which are clear and accurate.

comments about baby brain and comparing you with male colleagues are completely out of order.

you need to be clear in your mind about where the employer is being reasonable - ie: expecting you to have proper childcare in place for any hours you’re working, and expecting your work to be accurate.