indirect discrimination against working mother

[SamSam786R]

Dear all,i am concerned that my employers are pushing me out of the business as working there has become impossible. as primary childcare provider for my children i require a certain amount of flexibility to work. the job i do is comms and can be done remotely. despite this i will go into the office three days a week. however, HR have told me that i must do certain days where childcare is impossible and so i am scrambling each week to find someone to watch my kids after school. they have said that this poilcy applies to all employees and NO exceptions can be made. my manager has told me that a job like mine is not suitable for working mothers and HR have stated that if i can not work around my children i need to go part time. in tandem i have now been put on an informal pip for a spelling error. since then, every mistake is emailed to me and my manager will message me on teams with all capital letters asking why i made these mistakes and that i can no longer make any mistakes at work. obviously, this along with the lack of flexibility or understanding has put me under immense stress - just today i cried in the toilet for one hour and had a minor panic attack. it might seem like a small thing, but these small aggressive remarks and confrontational emails have taken a huge toll on me. futhermore, my childless colleagues have been given leeway for working hours and days due to relocations. on top of that my HR person has stated that i am not attending the office for my full hours despite him coming in after me and leaving before every week. i am also one of the few people who come into an office regularly. they have also said i have baby brain on many occasions and compared me to my male colleagues. sorry for making this so long and rambly, there are so many other things that they have said and done to me, im so tired and would LOVE to resign but i need to pay my bills and the job market is awful right now. advice on: a: how to survive and b: how to escalate this with employment tribunal. thank you

You are completely legally incorrect and whether you disagree or not is irrelevant.

It is not for a claimant to prove discrimination under an Employment Tribunal claim. The burden of proof lies squarely with the Respondent (The Employer) to disprove discrimination.

Employers have a duty to make adjustments for childcare provisions under The Equality Act 2010.

All this taking lunch at 1600, making up hours after hours. I am sorry - I just dont think this is true. People never do this, I worked with women (sorry it is women who do this) who said they did this. Once their kids were home you wouldnt hear a peep out of them.

You are seemingly trying to make your childcare issues something your employer needs to resolve.

Betterbeanon78

Aside from their bad behaviour it sounds like op is finding it all difficult including the childcare aspect. I don’t think it’s shoddy advice to say someone should think about moving to a new job.

I’d take a really practical, self‑protective approach here, because what you’re describing sounds incredibly stressful and the behaviour from your workplace is edging into toxic territory.

1. Cover the immediate childcare gap with annual leave.

Not ideal, but it buys you breathing space. Use those days to line up alternatives — Bubble, childcare.co.uk, local childminders, after‑school clubs, Facebook groups. You need short‑term stability while you plan your next steps.

1. See your GP and get everything documented.

The stress, the impact on your mental health, the pressure they’re putting on you — all of this needs to be formally recorded. It protects you and gives you a clear paper trail.

1. Update your CV and keep job‑hunting.

Even if they suddenly “fix” this issue, the culture you’ve described is not healthy. A workplace that treats you like this does not deserve your skills or loyalty. Start positioning yourself for somewhere that values you.

1. Document absolutely everything.

Emails, conversations, dates, unreasonable expectations — keep copies on your own device, not just the work system. If you eventually resign, this is the evidence you’d need for constructive dismissal.

1. I wouldn’t bother with a grievance.

In a genuinely toxic environment, grievances rarely lead to meaningful change and often just drain more of your energy. Your focus is better spent on protecting yourself and planning your exit.

You’re not imagining this — the way they’re treating you is not normal, and you’re right to question it. Taking control of the situation step by step will give you options and protect your wellbeing.

Where on earth did you get that?

You are 100% legally inaccurate.

It isn't moot either.

Please do not dish out legal advice when you know nothing about employment law

Male colleagues may be parents and have childcare commitments, we can't discriminate.
Several posters have talked about needing cc when WFH.
When I have mentioned this on other threads, I have been met with several responses stating that wasn't the case.
OP, you need to get union involved.
You do seem to be getting an unfair deal

Discrimination, whether direct or indirect, still has to be based on a protected characteristic. Notwithstanding the clearly sexist comments regarding baby brain and working mothers (which were made by an individual and we can't assume they necessarily reflect the views or policies of the organisation) - which I have said would certainly amount to bullying imo - there is no protected characteristic in play.
Parenthood is not a PC. That the employer is being inflexible around short-term childcare issues could affect a father as equally as a mother (from the employer's pov; it's on the individuals to decide how they want to divvy up parental responsibilities. Even though we know the mother is disproportionately affected in practice, that's not the fault of the employer).

I still feel like the real grievance here is against the manager rather than the employer as a whole.

Is there really a need for posts like this to someone who is obviously stressed and under pressure? Picking holes in their post, did it make you feel good posting that?

I'd look to contact your union, of course workplaces don't have to give more flexibility to working parents, but how you are being treated and spoken to isn't right. It sounds like they are trying to push you out. Union would be my first stop, hopefully you are already part of one.

I think they are trying to push you out. Sorry I also suspect you are underperforming. The people I know who work in media, pr, marketing etc are absolute pedants and while I appreciate you were stressed and perhaps using a phone to type your posts are very erroneous which makes me think you’re not cut out for this work.

I do believe that companies with flexibility for all staff will thrive compared to your workplace. They don’t sound like good people to work for.

Speak to Acas. But you’ll need to decide whether you want to fight this or find another job at a better employer. Because it will be hard, time consuming and draining to take them to tribunal.

Perhaps the best result could be to negotiate an exit. See if they will pay you off.

I'm really sorry - this sounds like a toxic workplace for many reasons, but also like you're trying to juggle too much at once. You need childcare every day, during all your working hours. Not doing some sort of confusing 'skipping lunch, also after bedtime when I can, juggle juggle'. That's not fair on anyone - including you.

But no one should say anything about working parents or your capability due to having a child - that's bullying behaviour and a problematic work environment.

I have a feeling I won’t get a coherent answer to this fundamental question!!

@Betterbeanon78 perhaps you should take your own advice because childcare is not a PC.

The key to any claim OP has around potential discrimination is whether she has actually put in a formal flexible working request. I don't believe she's clarified this point yet, and her further posts suggests the situation isn't quite as she initially described.

It’s often much harder to sort childcare for the longer hours required when commuting to the office vs being able to collect ten minutes from home, it’s really not that difficult to understand.

Yes obviously you need to organise childcare to cover the commute as well. It’s really not difficult to understand that as you wisely point out. But it doesn’t explain why the OP is in her own words ‘scrambling around for childcare every week.’

I'm so sorry OP- this sounds really hard and definitely sounds wrong to me. I know how distressing this kind can be. I would join your workplace union ASAP- or Unite the union if not. They really helped me when I was in a similar situation. HR fucked me over though- don't do that.

It sounds like they have made lots of obviously unacceptable statements that do amount to discrimination in my eyes. But hopefully union or helplines like pregnant then screwed or Maternity Action can help.

Fight back and good luck!!!

You really need to refresh your understanding because you are talking absolute crap. It’s an established fact at tribunal that women bear the brunt of childcare responsibilities and to insist on PCPs that make that difficult is indirect sex discrimination.

When I was full time, 9-5.30 in the office, my commute was an hour each way and nursery is open 8-6, childminders 8-5.30, so how do you suggest one “finds extra childcare” to make that work when it could easily be solved by the job being done from home a few days a week. I’d be scrambling for childcare between 6-6.30 too.

Saying your job is not suitable for a working mother is not ok. If they have put that in writing, I suggest you store that for another day. If not, and it was recent, you could follow the comments up in writing. However you run the risk of denial. Similarly the comment of baby brain. You can always challenge and suggest they put those comments in writing.

In terms of flexible working. You can put in a flexible working request, however if it doesn’t support the business need, I believe it can be declined.

It sounds like you’re FT, I am too. The only way we make it work in our household is sharing the school runs 50:50, neithers job is more important than the other persons. We also need solid wraparound care and flexible working for both parents

Your career isn't over if you go part time

Sounds like its time to move to another employer.

If OP is being pushed out of her role as a result of having children - and it certainly sounds like she is - then it's a textbook case of discrimination.

Maternity discrimination is never someone from HR saying 'you're fired because you've had kids'. It operates in a much more subtle way than that. It's having normal, minor errors like spelling mistakes treated as major concerns so that you can be put on a PIP. It's being told that you can't have any flexibility for childcare etc. when other colleagues are given that same flexibility (like the HR manager arriving later and leaving earlier than OP, or her colleagues getting leeway because they've relocated). Its the company refusing to consider a flexible working request, even when the job can be done remotely. It's being told you have 'baby brain' - just imaging saying to someone 'you have women brain' or 'you have black person brain' and recognise how inappropriate and discriminatory that kind of comment is.

@SamSam786R , the 'grammar police' are out in force because you say you work in Comms. Your posts are not well-written or easy to read.

It is well worth speaking to ACAS.

I was threatened with a change in location by a manager which would have resulted in a 2 hour commute. Manager told me this was reasonable because other people did it.

I spoke with ACAS who told me that my manager could not unilaterally decide something was reasonable. Just saying the words I have spoken to ACAS caused my manager to back pedal. Ultimately I was offered a very generous redundancy settlement.

My husband and I split the dropoffs and pickups for this reason - I worked early hours and picked up each evening, he worked later and dropped off. Not saying it was fun or easy though so definitely lovely to have options to avoid that nowadays.

If your children are young enough to require childcare then surely they should be in childcare even if you are WFH? You CANNOT be working as efficiently if you are also supervising your DC during work hours. Your childcare problem is not your employers problem.

Does your DH cover any childcare responsibilities? Is he actively searching for a childcare solution?

OP I'm sorry but if you are full time you should have childcare arrangements in place for every day.
You can't expect to pop out at 3 every Monday Wednesday and Friday to go and collect three children then try and simultaneously work while caring for them for 2 hours til 5?? You wouldn't be doing your job properly. Are you turning down/avoiding meetings between 3 and 4 on your working days? Or blocking out time in your diary to do a school run? You shouldn't be doing so unless it's been formally agreed with your manager