indirect discrimination against working mother

[SamSam786R]

Dear all,i am concerned that my employers are pushing me out of the business as working there has become impossible. as primary childcare provider for my children i require a certain amount of flexibility to work. the job i do is comms and can be done remotely. despite this i will go into the office three days a week. however, HR have told me that i must do certain days where childcare is impossible and so i am scrambling each week to find someone to watch my kids after school. they have said that this poilcy applies to all employees and NO exceptions can be made. my manager has told me that a job like mine is not suitable for working mothers and HR have stated that if i can not work around my children i need to go part time. in tandem i have now been put on an informal pip for a spelling error. since then, every mistake is emailed to me and my manager will message me on teams with all capital letters asking why i made these mistakes and that i can no longer make any mistakes at work. obviously, this along with the lack of flexibility or understanding has put me under immense stress - just today i cried in the toilet for one hour and had a minor panic attack. it might seem like a small thing, but these small aggressive remarks and confrontational emails have taken a huge toll on me. futhermore, my childless colleagues have been given leeway for working hours and days due to relocations. on top of that my HR person has stated that i am not attending the office for my full hours despite him coming in after me and leaving before every week. i am also one of the few people who come into an office regularly. they have also said i have baby brain on many occasions and compared me to my male colleagues. sorry for making this so long and rambly, there are so many other things that they have said and done to me, im so tired and would LOVE to resign but i need to pay my bills and the job market is awful right now. advice on: a: how to survive and b: how to escalate this with employment tribunal. thank you

You have done nothing wrong. Keep a record of all the hours you do and the messages/emails you are receiving and speak to a lawyer. This is awful and not acceptable in the workplace especially if it is having an impact on your mental health. You have a baby. See the doctor and explain everything. To those who posted their snarky comments “are you actually mums??” This is not how we support each other. Poster- You are not imagining this, stand up for yourself through the right channels. Contact citizens advice bureau if money is a problem. Do not suffer this nonsense in silence.

Agree that the comments about baby brain are inappropriate.

That being said I think that you need to accept that your employer just wants the work done. Your childcare issues or family life aren't something that concerns them. This site seems full of people that claim to WFH around their kids yet be one of the best performers in the company and I think most are making it up.

You need to have proper childcare in place if you're serious about doing this job.

Hi, i can see why the spelling trolls are getting triggered by grammar, i did write this very late at night after a super stressful day. ANYWAY. to answer some points and clarify: i can do the required number of days in an office, my husband actually changed his hours to accomodate. then the CEO added an extra day and i made things work around that too. six months later with three weeks notice they made the entire office change the days they came in for 'business requirements' - what that requirement is remains a mystery as they have only said they don't want employees to 'have a long weekend' - now my husband cannot change his days again after already putting in a request six months ago and changing his hours - it's not feasible. they will not bend on what days i come into the office saying that there are no exceptions to the policy, which puts me in a disadvantage. To suggest i go part time because they cannot be flexible means that i am also disadvantaged from climbing any career ladder or excelling in my career. It's 2026 - and a working mother is being told the best option is to take a paycut because i chose to have three kids. there is also a clear message that they want me out of the business as they can outsource cheaper labour abroad - my manager pretty much told me this on a teams call. and i have seen on emails clearly that my peers in the same team underperform me in several areas but i am being nitpicked over small mistakes and threated on a PIP. Being shouted at and accused of insubordination without real proof and being marked low on my performance reviews and being told i was doing a better job before i got pregnant and went on mat leave is NOT okay. i have been working in corporate for 15 years and their behaviour is not professional. to be pulled up on my hours when, again my peers (all male) are working less office hours than me (i see them walk in after me and leave way before i do) is also not fair.

My manager has told me that a job like mine is not suitable for working mothers

They have also said I have baby brain on many occasions and compared me to my male colleagues

Based on these statements alone the OP is being discriminated against on the grounds of both sex and pregnancy/maternity. It doesn’t mean there aren’t issues with her performance, but her management are being blatantly discriminatory and she should pursue this.

If you think about your performance objectively, do you genuinely believe that you are doing a good job for your employer?

Are you working for all the hours you are paid to work in the time you are at home? Are your mistakes few and far between or are they a regular thing?

You have the right to make a flexible working request, not the right to any ‘flexibility’ you want at the same time as your work being full of mistakes. If you’re struggling, go to HR and be honest.

Op take them to the tribunal.

Oh and don’t listen to this rubbish advice. Do not go to HR. Union reps only and ACAS.

If you haven't done already, submit a flexible working request stating the days you can attend the office. There is help online about how best to fill this out.

The business don't have to agree to what you want but they have to justify why they can't agree to this.

Keep a log of any inappropriate comments (eg baby brain) and if you feel up to it, request a meeting with HR about they way you are sloken to

Unfortunately, if after following flexible working process the employer is still unable to accommodate the days you want from home, then I think there is little you can do...as long as they are not treating you less favourably than other employees due to you having children, or being female, then they are not discriminating so I would also research ways you could make childcare work eg childminder, after scool club, and even alternative jobs that you could apply for if you can't make this one work

People on this thread are wrong op and clearly know nothing about this subject. There absolutely is evidence of discrimination and you should seek some legal advice. For one, being told you have baby brain is absolutely shocking

OP sorry if I've missed it but I don't think you've explained why you can't use paid childcare on the additional day neither you nor your husband can manage?

To be honest even working from home you shouldnt be going and collecting your child from school at 3.15 they should be in suitable childcare til 4.30 or 5 depending what time you start your working day.

If you are bringing a young child home every day at 3.15 you are not then fully concentrating on your work you are alternating between your work and caring for a child. Your employer is correct that if you want to collect from school everyday you need to request part time hours, that's not discrimination.

Paid childcare exists for a reason.

You can’t spot a single instance of discrimination in the whole post?

There are definitely two things going on.
One is your employer getting everyone to do set days in the office that sounds a bit of trial & error on their part. They obviously have performance issues while people WFH. I don't think you can do much about this exept being super vigilant when WFH to proof you are an exception if you want things to change for yourself in the future. Unfortunately your childcare issues are yours to resolve. That doesn't mean you can't try and have a chat with HR / manager about it.

Second is bullying from your manager. Keep emails, keep a record of incidents and make a formal complaint to HR. Comments like baby brain and not a job for mothers is just vile. If you are in a union seek their help.

Are you in a Union?

Their behaviour sounds appalling - unprofessional and likely discriminating on several fronts.
Keep detailed notes of what was said, times, dates etc
Join a union.
Contact ACAS.
Contact pregnant then screwed.
Accept that you may be forced out but if you are, be prepared for a tribunal.

Why is needing to be in the office a reason for needing childcare? You should have reliable, proper childcare in place regardless of whether you’re in the office or not.

the implication here is that if you’re WFH you don’t need after school care. What do you do? Nip out to pick the kids up and then stick them in front of the tv with snacks while you finish the working day? I can totally see why employers get pissed off when that’s the case

(I’m not saying this is definitely what you do, but it naturally raises suspicions when people claim it’s actually going into work which causes a childcare problem. It shouldn’t be. You’re being paid to work whether it’s on site or elsewhere. Obviously a commute may add to your time out of the home but that’s not the employer’s problem.)

Why can’t you pay for childcare? That’s what we all did when in the office 5 days a week. It’s literally the only way..

What do you do during school holidays and when the kids are sick?

Get legal advice asap.

I agree with the PPs who said keep a log of everything happening. Save all the shouty emails into a folder, make a note of what you were called when and who witnessed it. It sounds like you might have a case for constructive dismissal and sex discrimination. Gather enough evidence to prove it all before you go to HR and make a complaint - otherwise they might cover it all up, their job is to protect the business not you. Make sure you have the evidence in your physical possession or your own email account in case your access to your work email is restricted. Going on a PIP for one spelling mistake doesn't sound reasonable on the face of it. Get some legal advice/speak to ACAS and then go tp and employment tribunal.

Your second post paints a very different picture than your first, and clearly shows a level of incompetence from your employers. Some things are irrelevant though. Unless the people who apparently work less hours than you are on an equal contract to you doing the same job at the same pay scale, that’s irrelevant.
If by changing your working days you have been disadvantaged as you cannot source appropriate childcare, that could be discrimination. The nuance here is that is seems your DH did the childcare, not you, so in fact he could argue that his company are being discriminatory against him if they won’t allow him to change his WFH days.
You really need to speak to your Union here.

You will need to have childcare in place for your kids though, depending on their ages.

it does sound like they want you out. Start looking for vacancies asap no need to go through this stress all the time. It is worth talking with Pregnant than screwed they can definitely give you some good advice! they are experts on this and I believe its free as they are a charity

This may be a cynical view but it sounds like they are trying to make life difficult for you so that you jump ship. If that’s the case try not to fall for it.

Either that or they are very inexperienced and poor managers.

It worries me how there is no requirement for anyone to be qualified or trained to start managing other people. Just because someone is good at a job does not mean they would be good at managing people doing that job!

I would document everything that is said to you just in case you may need it one day. I would also not worry about other people’s perception of you and your work, instead work diligently and know yourself you’ve done a good job.

Finally, sorry you feel like and are having a hard time. It sounds a struggle. Are you sure you can’t switch to part time or quit work completely?

Don’t you have childcare in place for days where you wfh? It’s fairly standard contract clause these days so I’d check on this before you go in all guns blazing

Sorry, but I'm another one who doesn't understand why you don't have proper childcare in place. Many of us can't /couldn't work from home due to the nature of the job, so had to gave proper childcare sorted before going back after mat leave. If you are wfh then you can't care for children at the same time. My DH worked shifts at one point, but we still needed childcare due to the shift pattern. It's rare to have no need for childcare with 2 working parents.

The issue is that your male colleagues do not have childcare commitments and also that you haven’t got childcare in place. Neither of these are your employer’s concern. Them changing your working pattern at short notice IS a poor though. Does your contract stipulate they can do that?