Solidarity and accountability? For in-Work stress

[Bigblueballoons]

Hi - wondering if I could start a solidarity and accountability thread for those of us in stressful jobs/ mild burnout, but trying to cope and stay sane.

I am the sole earner in my family. Middle management in the public sector. It is soul crushing but I don’t have many options. I am trying to make small changes that mean the job is sustainable.

this week I have taken some positive steps:
-spoke to the gp about anti anxiety meds (I realise this is a short term measure but I need something for the panic attacks)
-started looking for new jobs every day on linked in (even though that feels terrifying)

Things I need to improve

• make sure I get out of the house on wfh days
• share the burden with colleagues (this is almost impossible as many of my peers are on sick leave due to stress!)
• eat more healthily and try to sleep more too (better sleep hygiene?)

anyone else want to check in and support each other in small steps to cope?

Hope everyone on here is getting through and keeping sane. My work seems to be getting worse week by week somehow, and my reserves lower and lower. I had an interview last week for a job I really wanted, and the hope of it all was lovely. Found out yesterday I didn’t get it, and as much as I tried to prepare myself for bad news, I just feel utterly hopeless and trapped now.

Hi all, I wish there weren’t so many struggling but must admit I do feel better knowing I’m not alone.
I have limped on waiting for my week off this week, but have had near-constant anxiety (I actually I think I have had 2 anxiety attacks, but not sure if that’s the word for it). I keep thinking about work and I am dreading going back on Tuesday.

Joining - also PS - children’s services

woke up at 3am with chest pain and tummy pain - also long term joint pain which work know about - was off last year for treatment but it’s back and they give not a fuck.

im burnt out - covering 2 sick colleagues since Nov. Moved to FT but not bloody being paid for it.

constant emails demanding I ‘do’ or solve something that I need my manager to approve - manager just ignoring any emails about this.

multi fucking agency working when no one responds and then I’m held responsible for the lack of updates - other people could chase as well!

my name seems to be out there now as ‘helpful’ so people I don’t even work for/have a duty to are badgering my for stuff I can’t help with - often rudely

I told work I was taking unpaid leave this afternoon and tomorrow for reasons- spoke to out external staff support who suggested deep breathing and mindfulness 😂

I am broken but I’ll be back Monday 🙄

Hello all, at least it’s the weekend for those of us who don’t (officially) work weekends. I’m really anxious today. I have a direct report bullying me and turning my team against me, undermining my work. I have a manager who stepped her up into a senior role and thinks the sun shines out of her a&£e. He gave her part of my role after I accepted my job offer. She is confident and influential. Im unable to fulfil my role as she is more experienced in this area and is getting praise for what I feel I should be doing. It’s impossible to manage wfh. I feel trapped. I feel she’s ruining my reputation. I’m very anxious and it’s bringing me down so much that I can’t think even think clearly at times. I can start to look for new jobs, but I feel forced out. My confidence is so low that I’m not sure how I’d get through and interview. Thanks for listening I know I’m not alone in this and others are suffering too.

Just reading PP's comments on confidence - that really resonates with me because I feel my confidence has been knocked so much by my managers. I always had terribly low confidence anyway, and getting into my position was a lot of hard work. Unfortunately my job is quite out of my natural comfort zone, and so the lack of support and negativity I've faced has me doubting whether I can actually pluck up the confidence to perform anymore when I come back after stress leave.

Thank you - it was a restful day, chilled in front of the telly and went to a local place that does fancy fried chicken and chips (DP is vegan so stuffing my face with fried chicken is rare!). DP

More seriously, my massagist said my head was full of tension, probably a combination of stress/sitting at a desk for forty hours a week and eye strain (need to be wearing my glasses more). A bit of a wake up call that I need to look after myself more, I am only in my twenties so have a long road ahead.

But came back to a crisis at 8am on Thursday morning, cue me doing overtime on both Thursday and Friday evenings, all resolved now thankfully.

I went to a 21st at the weekend with my mum (DP was full of a cold), it was great to have a few drinks and a dance. However, partying with all these early twenty-somethings made me wistful of my youth. University was stressful in some aspects but you could party hard, have no responsibilities and manage your own schedule and dont have a hangover that lingers for days. Also interesting listening to their future career aspirations etc, I tried to put a positive spin on life in the 'real world'.

A new week - how is everyone doing?
@LoveHartnett I’m really sorry to hear about the job. But well done for getting an interview. You should be really proud of thatZ

@ghostyslovesheets and @queenofwandss how are your physical symptoms?

@popdepop your situation sounds absolutely horrendous. I was once in a situation where I saw a junior colleague bully a senior colleague and it was difficult to understand at first what was going on. The bully did get found out in the end though - their true colours shone through eventually. Have you got any external support?

Interesting how so many of us are suffering a crisis of confidence. I think that comes from not feeling supported.

@IceTippedMountains you are still so young! Can you afford to take a risk and leave your current role?

for my part the week has started without any major panic attacks but I dread the days. I really do.

@Bigblueballoons not too bad - my arm hurts a lot but that’s on going - didn’t cry today and managed to sleep last night!

2 weeks to go till I’m off for 2 weeks (well almost as now have 2 meetings on the 30th) but will take a half day!

tomorrow is a shit show of back to back meetings- was supposed to go out tomorrow night but have cancelled so I can switch off - next week is a lot calmer for now.

Thank you for this thread @Bigblueballoons and much love, wine and screaming into the void to all of us x

@Bigblueballoonssorry about the dread, it is awful. What’s your week looking like?

I am back today after my week off. I logged on yesterday on my day off and burst into tears looking at what I had waiting for me, but then something happened in my husband’s family and this took my focus off work.
Past me thankfully booked a relatively easy, though still busy, day today so I am just plodding through that. Haven’t had any breakfast and no time for lunch which was a definite error on my part though as it can’t help the physical symptoms, so note to self is to prep ahead to address the basic needs.

Thanks for the comment - yes I agree that is the common theme in this thread.

Where I live there are very limited private sector jobs in my field (planning) for someone of my experience. Relocating isnt really an option for a raft of factors, DP's family live here, DP has a good paid specialist job, we have a low mortgage with a far nicer house than what we would get if we moved back to my hometown (and that is if DP agreed to it) and I dont want to start over in a new town with no support.

In essence I need to try and ride it out until I get a promotion, then I will have some options. For all my manager's faults I do know he can bring me to the next level, once his 2IC gets back from maternity leave in the summer that will hopefully relieve some pressure on him. I think if nothing changes come Christmas I will start looking.

Hello and happy Friday everyone. How has everyone’s week been? The weather is better which has lifted my spirits despite being snowed under. I’m making a promise to myself and DH that I will try and get outside at lunchtime today and I will not play work catch up this weekend. Easier said than done when work is piling up and I’m not sleeping well thinking about it 🙈

I've managed to get a new internal job (found out yesterday) so boughing out of this thread as I feel about a million times better and so relieved to be escaping my dead end role at last. I'm sure there will be difficulties ahead but after 1.5 years of feeling absolutely stuck and trying to move without any luck, and quite a lot of interviews where i narrowly missed out, I'm just relieved to have a fresh start that sounds interesting with a team that so far seems nice.

But I wanted to send much love and strength to you all. Especially those in the public sector as was also there for a long time, and it was very hard, especially a lot of the people management side.
Good luck everyone and I hope things get easier soon- keep asserting your boundaries, getting some fresh air, doing exercise, getting therapy, and hopefully getting out if you possibly can.

Bowing even!

Great news Helppleasestuck! i hope the new role goes well and you are much happier

@Helppleasestuckcongratulations on your new role! I hope it is much better for you.

I am just updating the thread as I am
now off work for a bit due to stress. I hadn’t wanted to go off, but my manager was lovely and gently told me I needed it. So I am feeling OK but a bit apprehensive that I will get used to being off and obviously I do have to go back!

How is everyone going? I have been keeping an eye out on jobs in the local area but things have been a bit calmer, workload has lessened, my manager has been in a better mood. Things have still been a bit stressful as I have been given arguably the hardest task of my career, however my manager has reached out to a consultant to support me.

Not had a great week in another respect, a late middle aged male colleague from another department who has been acting inappropiately around me for the past couple of years (even my last incompetent manager had a word) finally took it to the next level and what I could only describe as groping me on the shoulder. I tried to shrug it off but ended up in tears, I told my manager and I have never seen a manager march so fast up to HR.

Have been WFH for the past couple of days as I am not comfortable being in the buillding. Am up late because I cant decide how to proceed with HR, whether to do a formal complaint.... I just need some boundaries in place, I dont need to have anything to do with that man yet he has taken a 'shine' to me. Eurgh. My manger has been very supportive though and believes me (not taken the old boys club approach).

@queenofwandss hope you are having a few days of peace and rest.

@Helppleasestuck good luck for the new role!

@IceTippedMountains oh god - I’m so sorry. That is awful. I’m pleased your manager is being supportive but I’ve been where you are and it’s an awful, awful feeling. All I can say is it does get better and maybe in the long run this will work out well - at least it has brought things to a head.

thanks also for updating the thread. Things are a little better for me but I’m still having nightmares most nights. Trying to learn how to take less responsibility for other people’s work but not doing very well. I think I made a younger colleague cry last week when I told her I wasn’t pleased with her work. Can’t tell if i was too harsh or she was too fragile, or whether it’s my fault because I’ve never criticised her before.

i have a (long awaited) appointment with talking therapies next week and I’m hoping they can refer me to some CBT to get a grip on my panic and anger.

Speaking as a gen z colleague sometimes we need to hear it if we want to progress no matter how hard it is. I wouldn't take the tears personally as our generation are far more touchy feely, especially depending on their background. I went to a private all girls school (spoon fed to the 9th degree) and could imagine a good chunk of my peers falling to pieces emotionally if they got marginally criticized. It's happened to me, although my team leader framed it in a really bad way (said he regretted giving me a pay rise!).

Thank you for your kind words and sadly I am one of many. Unfortunately it's escalated from friendly banter ( he had a lot to do with my last manager who I was adjacent to) to random touching and coming to see me when he has absolutely no reason to under my new manager who coincidentally has his desk partitioned by dividers. I'm not a fan of wfh (probably because my team is excellent) so hopefully will be back in the office soon.