Solidarity and accountability? For in-Work stress

[Bigblueballoons]

Hi - wondering if I could start a solidarity and accountability thread for those of us in stressful jobs/ mild burnout, but trying to cope and stay sane.

I am the sole earner in my family. Middle management in the public sector. It is soul crushing but I don’t have many options. I am trying to make small changes that mean the job is sustainable.

this week I have taken some positive steps:
-spoke to the gp about anti anxiety meds (I realise this is a short term measure but I need something for the panic attacks)
-started looking for new jobs every day on linked in (even though that feels terrifying)

Things I need to improve

• make sure I get out of the house on wfh days
• share the burden with colleagues (this is almost impossible as many of my peers are on sick leave due to stress!)
• eat more healthily and try to sleep more too (better sleep hygiene?)

anyone else want to check in and support each other in small steps to cope?

Sorry to hear it’s no better OP. I had a better day despite being up half the night worrying. First thing I did was cancel / decline most of my calls. No one batted an eye lid! It gave me the time to follow up on the top 3 things I had been losing sleep on.
1 - I spoke to someone about something I had overlooked a few months ago and is now causing issues. I was very clear about what needed to happen and my colleague just said he will sort it. I felt like crying!

2 - I asked for an extension on another piece of work - and that was agreed

3 - a few weeks ago I had asked someone to help me work out what should be my responsibility and what shouldn’t - we went through my action tracker and talked through what should be in my space. Only about 50% should be so we are now going to discuss with colleagues.

I feel a lot better. I know I’m a bit of a martyr and recognising that is helpful

@FedUpUp that sounds incredibly positive - well done

very sorry to hear about others in the same boat as me.

I spoke to my line manager yesterday and she was really helpful in fact. I felt relieved after I spoke to her and could almost imagine staying in this job.

today though - well, I’ve just had a panic attack at work. Not even sure I can write down what has happened. Some dark thoughts.

I have a gp’s appointment tomorrow and was planning to take the day off as annual leave but now will have to work. Feel sick. At least the gp will get an accurate picture of my stress I suppose! Ha …

Oh wonderful. I booked a conversation with a counsellor through the company’s EAP and they’ve just rearranged with no notice to a time I can’t do.

Can I join? Was encouraged to go for promotion at work, but now realise it was a job actually done by 3 different people this time last year, no handover, no time to actually learn what I’m doing, just contest firefighting and it’s too much for me. As someone said previously this role is not suited for my temperament at all and every day is a battle to get through and my nerves are totally fried, it’s horrendous

@Bigblueballoons It sounds like you have done everything you can but it has gone beyond being able to sort it. So sorry to hear about your panic attack. So pleased you have a GP appointment - good luck and don’t minimise

@LoveHartnett it’s scary how many of us are in the same position. How can anyone expect you to be able to do it? Do you think the managers realise. I’m convinced that one of the people who was previously in my role has set me up to fail. No handover and he’s not willing to answer any questions if I go to him.

I work for a very small company and we all have to do a million things that wouldnt be in our job description. I have had a couple of promotions so more responsibilities and tasks by there is noone being recruited underneath so having to still do the junior tasks whilst also doing the senior tasks but not having the breathing space to do the thinking. Then also having to do things like marketing strategy for the business etc that is not something we have experience in. Lost a few clients so finances are awful so no chance of payrise or extra staff.
however if we get more clients on then it would be great and oayries, more staff etc would materialise. I jist dont know which way it is going to swing yet - liquidation or the up and up!

I’m really sorry to hear of other people’s situations, but it y does at least make me feel less alone.

finally on my way home now. Hoping to completely switch off at home tonight. I have a good book to read.

@BrieAndChilli oh I’ve been in that position and it’s so tough - always waiting ‘if only, if only’ for the big payoff. Is the company founder led? That can often lead to unrealistic expectations!

Can I join? I’ve always prided myself on being able to juggle multiple tasks, being reliable, capable and resourceful. It turns out that these strengths with a can work against you when you end up spinning way too many plates and burn out. I’m working hard on my boundaries and self care, trying to say no when my plate is full, not working lots of hours and prioritising my health and family.

Sorry to hear about your experience @Bigblueballoonsand a panic attack can’t be ignored. Hope your GP can help.

@SilverGlitterBaubles welcome! Let’s imagine this is a nice and calm room where nobody expects anything of any of us …!

it must be so hard to feel like your strengths are working against you. (I would say I can empathise but I actually don’t think I have any strengths at work lol!)

When you say you can’t take the day off - why?

Genuinely why?

If you fell down the stairs and someone called an ambulance would you tell them you couldn’t go to hospital? If the other person in the meeting cancelled or rearranged because they had an important medical appointment that wasn’t feasible to move, would you judge them?

Almost certainly not.

Extend yourself the same professional courtesy you would to others.

Out of office on. ‘I am not available today, for anything that cannot wait please contact name of line manager’.

I know what you’re saying but if I take a day off the work will just be there for me when I get back. I was actually on stress related sick leave for 6 weeks last year and I regret it now as things are so much worse because I am still dealing with the aftermath.

today I did make a stand in a way and let something fail quite publicly rather than step in and fix it at the last minute.

Joining you, guys. Stressful job, constantly changing managers, policies, restructuring, criticism from new manager.

Burnt out, can’t sleep, crying in the evenings, DH is a similar boat, so sympathetic but can’t help much. Not sure how to get unstuck, I get so burnt out in the day that the thought of more work to clean up CV and apply for jobs is unbearable.

The work is there now. It’ll also be there if you take time to get yourself support.

In one version of that, it’s there and you’ve got more tools. In another it’s there without you having the tools.

The only person who can look after you is you, and while you keep making decisions that prevent things improving - that’s how things will stay.

Some phrases that might help:

I won’t be able to start that until X is finished. If that doesn’t work, then we can stop X and do Y instead.

Unfortunately my team do not have capacity for that at this time. If that’s an issue please contact line manager.

We will add that to our work list, but it’s unlikely that will be able to make a start on it for the next few months.

I don’t have the capacity to be involved in this.

@CoastOfXmasPast very sorry to hear that - welcome here.

@ScaryM0nster has just given me some very good advice that might apply for you too? @ScaryM0nster thank you, I can see that you’re right but it’s difficult to action. My service is at risk of closure unless we can jump over some significant hurdles, which all have external deadlines. My line manager works in a different field entirely so no one can support the workload.

yesterday a senior stakeholder was so rude and patronising to me that I was furious for hours. I’ve decided I don’t want to give any of them any more space or time in my head. I went to the theatre last night to thoroughly distract myself.

i went to the GP yesterday and agreed to pursue talking therapies rather than medication. I don’t have much faith that will materialise but let’s see how it goes.

i am going to try to take some half days off during the coming weeks so that I can rest and recover, without feeling completely overwhelmed.

Well done for making time for the appointment.

Thinking creatively when you’re overwhelmed is tough, but there are almost certainly areas where your line manager can still support (even if it’s that wider perspective).

eg. What’s on your To do list that isn’t these make or break external deadlines?
Mandatory training, budget reporting, fortnightly departmental meetings that you get nothing out of, approving your teams expenses, providing input to other teams activities, other random odds and sods that suck up time, meeting external stakeholders for meetings that solely serve to strike their ego (for that one, offer them your boss in a couple of weeks time, boss can take the crap behaviour from them and you get the time freed up - double win).

What would it look like if you and part of your team put their out of office on for everything else apart from one of the other external deadline activities for a week and cracked on with that uninterrupted? Use line manager to shield the interruptions and aim to break the back of it.

Hi, can I jump on this thread?
I am so stressed at my job that I’m at the point of quitting without a job to go to. My health is being affected and I wake each morning with that tight feeling in my stomach and total dread. Perimenopausal too (52) so struggling with that. (Trying to book an appt with menopause nurse but appts are like gold dust!)
Has anyone walked away from a job for their own sanity? Mostly due to a manager that has a Jekyll and Hyde micromanager personality and a stressful job plus personal stresses to deal with too.
I have savings and could probably last 4-6 months. I am very lucky that I don’t have a mortgage or rent to worry about.
My partner has said just go, don’t worry we will sort it, but I am scared to make that leap and also what I’ll put on my cv as there could be a gap. Plus looking at the current job market there’s not much for me about. I have been applying for jobs since about Christmas.
I feel that if I don’t go soon I will be signed off with stress and no good to anyone :(

Been lurking this week, and really helped to not feel so alone. Like a few here there’s just so much work, I’ve been saying at every 1:1 since last years appraisal that I’m struggling to fit it all in my hours (I work 30). But kept being told I’m doing a great job. I’ve been anxious and overwhelmed for months my mental health has taken a dive since November ish. Suddenly I’ve been put on a pip - without any discussion, I hold my hands up things have slipped through the cracks as the workload keeps increasing, but as I kept raising how much I had on my workload and they kept saying capacity would increase I thought they knew I was working myself ragged. I was relieved at first that it wasn’t just me saying it’s too much but I’m now working extra to get everything done so they don’t fire me when I really need a break as I’m in burnout and need to catch my breath. There’s only statutory sick pay so would struggle to take a couple of weeks off, and not good when on a pip. I’ve been scouring job sites but so tired - my house is a tip, I’ve been using ready meals as I’m exhausted, it’s all work and sleep thus is no life.

Welcome @Stuckinarut79 and @Time4acuppa - although I’m really sorry you are in similar positions.

@Time4acuppa before kids I left jobs without another one to go to. The logic was that sometimes you just have to get out of a toxic situation. Obviously the economy was also better then but it was never a problem finding a new job and no one ever asked me about a gap of a few months. If you have paid off your mortgage could you afford a drop in salary? Could that widen your job search?

@Stuckinarut79 are you in a union? Sounds like an impossible situation and your employers are being really unfair

For my own part, I’ve had one step forward and a few steps back. Spoke to a counsellor via the EAP yesterday and felt a bit better. Then proceeded to work til 8pm and have not been able to sleep - I’ve been panicking about work since 2am. Dreading today.

but I knew it wouldn’t be a quick fix. I’m going to ruthlessly prioritise and pursue more appointments with the counsellor. I have actually written out my resignation because I am feeling very low and at a certain point it might be more dangerous to stay than to leave. Psychologically I feel better knowing that is a lever I can pull, even though it would be chaos for my life.

yesterday I managed a short walk at lunchtime too

Thanks for the welcome and safe place.

I bit the bullet and spoke to my GP who’s signed me off sick for a few weeks- though their advice was get a new job while off. I may have made a mistake career wise but I realised that if it felt rationally to crash my car rather than face work I have to do something.

no union as a small organisation and no union. All Feels scary but I need to do something before things get any worse.

getting out for a walk and looking after myself for a week is the only plan I have. I’m on the waiting list for counselling and updated my cv.

I'm in a work doom loop i just can't see a way out of. i'm desperate to leave my job but i don't want to stay in my current field of work so i need to retrain. Been spending the last 3 years doing course after course and i'm honestly completely burnt out from it all. I'm nowhere nearer changing careers and i can't really face yet more work and late nights learning a new skill. I do not see a way out of my situation right now and it hurts so bad. There is a lady leaving today and i'm so envious of her i could cry.

I had 2 days of last week for a family trip which was lovely but the back to work fear on sunday was unbearable, I think it was the not knowing everything that had gone on when I was off that magnified it this week.

I've always suffered from imposter syndrome and I think that is stopping me from making a decision (amongst lots of other reasons) as I fear I won't get a look in elsewhere.