Solidarity and accountability? For in-Work stress

[Bigblueballoons]

Hi - wondering if I could start a solidarity and accountability thread for those of us in stressful jobs/ mild burnout, but trying to cope and stay sane.

I am the sole earner in my family. Middle management in the public sector. It is soul crushing but I don’t have many options. I am trying to make small changes that mean the job is sustainable.

this week I have taken some positive steps:
-spoke to the gp about anti anxiety meds (I realise this is a short term measure but I need something for the panic attacks)
-started looking for new jobs every day on linked in (even though that feels terrifying)

Things I need to improve

• make sure I get out of the house on wfh days
• share the burden with colleagues (this is almost impossible as many of my peers are on sick leave due to stress!)
• eat more healthily and try to sleep more too (better sleep hygiene?)

anyone else want to check in and support each other in small steps to cope?

I’ve had a much better week, if that gives anyone any hope? All the little things that were giving me so much stress are finally being resolved and today I’ve been able to concentrate on what my role should be. There’s still some way to go but it feels like a light at the end of the tunnel

Got called up on 2 mistake I made today which made me feel utterly shit, then was given more big chunks of work to try and figure out this
week. Got no time to learn the basics on anything and just not picking stuff up as it is all last minute, urgent requests. Just absolutely drowning. Had 2 days off too last week and it
was horrific going back. DH suggested I go toGP and try and get signed off for a bit, but the thought of having to return after that time is be totally soul destroying. Desperately looking for new work but completely lost confidence in myself.

Can I join? I am at the point of burn out with my job (work in the NHS) I feel constantly anxious about work. I have made some applications for other things but I feel so lacking in confidence as I feel so stressed out.
I pulled out of an interview today which would have been a real pivot career wise, but financially (as a single parent) I just couldn't justify the drop in wage, loss of NHS security and would have ultimately resulted in my professional registration lapsing due to moving away from the profession. It all felt too risky.
I have seen a possible job today to apply for but I need to chat with the manager about it before applying to check a few things and even that just makes me feel so anxious. I haven't told my line manager yet, but I think I need to as this job is in the same organisation so I don't want the grape vine to beat me to it!. Not sure how she will take it!

despite being awake half the night, I had a surprisingly not shit day today. I was in tears already by the time I got to my desk but then a colleague kindly talked to me for an hour and helped me prioritise. I hadn’t realised how much I was taking on of other people’s emotions.

I feel cautiously optimistic and able to actually do some work rather than fire fight and panic all the time. Spent some time with dh and dc this evening without being in a bad mood, which is also a first for a while.

Also wanted to say I really appreciate everyone’s messages. it helps to know that none of us is alone, although it’s really sad that so many of us are going through this.

@FedUpUp well done! That sounds really positive!

@Pippipumpkin im also public sector and our EAP is surprisingly not as useless as I had assumed it would be (based on how shit everything else is). Had a counselling appointment with them yesterday which was actually really helpful and gave me a bit of perspective. Do you have access to an EAP through your trust?

@LoveHartnett that sounds awful. Do you have a manager? I feel the same as you about being signed off but o wonder if it could help force a conversation with your manager about the unbearable workload?

This is so positive! I hope you start to feel better soon

@BrieAndChilli it sounds like your confidence has really taken a knock. But it’s not your fault - you’re not the imposter, it’s the situation that’s toxic.

@Geogaddi wow, I salute your determination. But it sounds like you really need a break. What are you trying to retrain in?

I read once that no one can make a good decision in an anxious state, so you have to focus on getting out of that state before you can even think of making a decision. What do you do to destress at the end of the day? Do you have any time for yourself and for relaxation?

love to everyone who is struggling with this

@Bigblueballoons we do have eap. I rang them a few weeks ago following a panic attack. They could give me a one-off session, but I accessed a block of counselling with them early last year and apparently I am not eligible for any more block counselling yet. The single session was ok and they are unlimited I think, so might utilise that a little more.

I think what you said about [not] making big decisions when you're in an anxious state is good advice, but can also feel suffocating as it's such a vicious circle.

I hope everyone has a positive day today. The sun is shining here. I am going to try and go for a walk at lunch as my one bit of self care today.

Ah, that’s a shame about the limit on structured sessions @Pippipumpkin

good idea for the walk. I have a meeting offsite today in central London so am going to finish my afternoon working in a coffee shop somewhere and also try to take advantage of the sunshine!

Signing in. Demoralised and undervalued. They're making massive sweeping changes and at no point have they even consulted the people doing the job every day. The result is massive increases in the time and steps taken to do the work with no additional resources. My own workload had quite literally doubled and I've had no check ins and no feedback. No return to work following an absence for anxiety and stress. Basically my lovely, busy but structured job has become absolute chaos and I'm burning out.

They also say your reward for being able to do all that is more work. And all that work without recognition is really demoralising. It sounds like a lot of workplaces don't really value their workforce and often don't have any idea what we actually do.

@Bigblueballoons so true about how, in an anxious state, you can't make good decisions. Problem is i spend most of my life in states of anxiety which makes it almost impossible to make big decisions in life.

It's really weird. When i'm feeling good i think "i can do any job, i can take on the world!!" and then the anxiety comes back and i go "i'm unemployable and i can't cope with life and i want to hide forever". Mix those two conflicting thoughts up day by day, week by week and it means i can't even trust my own mind.

In writing this i think i may have discovered the root to a lot of my problems, haha. I need stop listening to my thoughts. I've been reading The Power Of Now this week and it's definitely helping. Big hi to everyone out there struggling at the moment.

Did you have a return to work and a structured/phased/planned return? That is unacceptable that you were off with stress and the stepped back into the same mess you had left. I know you know that but I'm always appalled at how often this happens.

Could I join please but for different stress reasons? And I'm sorry for all of you who are struggling.

I was in a high pressure public sector job but I took voluntary redundancy and career changed to a completely different field. Old role was horrific and last boss particularly was very stressful to work for.

The thing is I am very stressed now for different reasons. Nothing like before, no people management issues or difficult managers, or even time pressures really. Just no plan when I came in on a development programme and I have tried for almost two years now to progress in my own way, but I just feel so stuck. Junior and stuck and frustrated, nothing works properly, I don't understand how to progress. I've had interviews and some have gone ok but ultimately I keep losing out to recent grads who have a better and more robust background. My current team is a dead end, and the whole area is being restructured so others are also now at risk which is awful to witness and I feel doubly bad moaning.

I am in peri, I am feeling so frustrated. I have plans to better myself but then it goes wrong and I think oh I shouldn't bother any more. Just negative voice constantly saying I'm tired and fed up.

I need accountability and to write down a few things - daily fresh air, half an hour of development training course in my career (did this for 3 weeks then missed a day and now just feel unmotivated again). In some ways my stress is very different to before (high pressure and horrid boss) but now I am just so listless and unhappy, lacking in motivation, tired...

I don't know if I wish I hadn't career changed but I had expected there to be a bit more of a pathway- whereas the reality is I am not a recent graduate and don't have the structure that they do, so I need to figure it out on my own. It's partly fine but it's also not because getting simple things set up is just so difficult, and understanding how things work is even worse.

I'm sorry for moaning esp as this is a different kind of stress (and I know how awful the other kind is too). I am just tired and fed up of everything feeling so difficult. Motivation feels rock bottom and I very frustrated and also upset right now.

@Helppleasestuck that sounds really awful and confusing. It must feel quite isolating too. Do you think it’s an issue with your organisation in particular or with your sector? If you feel comfortable sharing the industry you’ve retrained in, there might be someone who can help?

yesterday two of my team had crises related to personal issues outside of work. I fully support them both of course but our institution doesn’t really, and it doesn’t support me. So I can feel myself already crumpling and exhausted from the added emotions stress and workload that I have to absorb somehow

On the plus side I’ve been saying no to things and also telling people I can’t work on certain projects and … the world has not ended!

yesterday I fucked something up and felt terrible. But I took immediate responsibility and apologised. It was actually only a small thing that my head had blown up into a nightmare. A bit embarrassing but fine. I think last week I would have lost sleep over it, so this feels like progress.

It's tech. I think the issue is that the org i have joined just doesn't have a pathway or support for people joining as a reskiller (which I am). In a way I get it, we are supposed to be more experienced and self starters and better at networking and finding our own opportunities, but it is also a lot to ask without any kind of formalised framework especially when it is a new/different organisation, sector and set of skills.

I'm also secretly quite bitter and jealous as some others who joined through the same route got brilliant teams and opportunities from the off, but it was totally ad hoc and random/unplanned. Some people got worse experiences too, bullying bosses etc. At least I dont have that.

I am feeling a bit better today as have had terrible PMT which is starting to lift a bit and have been exercising. I have also got opportunities that I've found for myself that I'm working on, so sometimes I feel quite accomplished but I think some of the difficult things I am hitting in tandem are: 1) peri/brain fog/terrible PMT for approx 1-2 weeks each month. HRT has helped but I am still struggling; 2) potential neurodiversity and my brain just screaming at me that it can't keep masking any more; 3) being very alone including WFH a large proportion of the time; 4) the restructure stuff; and 5) parenting or at the very least feeding(!!!) teens who are also potentially ND and seem to hate me most of the time.

This is absolutely amazing progress, well done. Boundaries are so important and I'm so glad that you were also able to stop those worries and stress seeping into your sleep and reliving it.

Wow, that’s progress! Well done. Very similar to me last week. I know I try to be so perfect, but I’m starting to realise it doesn’t matter. Copilot has been my friend this week as well. It’s really helped me to get to grips with tasks that I’ve had dumped on me, but I’m convinced shouldn’t be me. I wrote a clear email today to my predecessor who I’m convinced should be doing this in his new role. And have set up a call to discuss. I’ve realised that there’s no point worrying about it, I just need to tackle it head on. I know he is seething. He was really hoping I’d completely fail

Please can I join. I've just been signed off by the doctor for 6 weeks for stress. It's not a good feeling. I feel lonely, sad and ashamed about it. I feel bad for the colleagues I've left behind in the mess.

Welcome @Hogwartsian and I’m so sorry it has got to this stage for you. What support do you have while you are signed off? I hope you have some space to recover and nurture yourself.

@FedUpUp and @Helppleasestuck thank you! I do feel quite proud of myself.

@Helppleasestuck you are in a very unfair situation. Dh used to work in tech before he got ill. From the outside it seemed like a lot of things depended on how good the project manager was - that could really make or break a project. So I really feel for you being given to a dud team.

I had a few months expenses to cover me and just said I'd decided to take a break before looking for the next challenge. No one gives a fuck really, they just want to know you weren't sacked for gross misconduct but they can't ask you that directly anyway.

I need some one to gently kick me on the accountability front.
Part of my issue with reskilling and not having a huge amount of direction, is that I get sidetracked and distracted very easily. There is just so much in tech that I could learn, but in reality it's really hard in the corporate environment I'm in without someone actually showing me basic things like the set up- so i tend to start looking at things like a particular tech stack then just go down a useless and frustrating rabbit hole.

Anyway I set myself a target to code for at least 30 mins per day. An udemy course. I did 30 days and then accidentally missed one, and now I'm all over the place and keep missing days because in my mind, Ive broken my streak anyway. Getting involved in other learning things but not particularly effectively, so I'm feeling useless again.

Ultimately I want to code. Not just "work in tech". Most of the "working in tech" part so far is driving me mad actually. It's not a great time with AI etc but I sort of need someone to say look, just keep going with the 30 mins per day coding, trust the process, learn old skool and avoid mindless use of AI, it may not end up anywhere but it's a good thing to do regardless. I probably need a mentor but I've almost got to the point now where I'm feeling so deskilled and demotivated that I'm not seeing the point in anything much.

@Helppleasestuck that sounds like a great plan - but don’t let yourself get unstuck just because you missed a day! Seven days a week is very difficult to sustain - you don’t have the same energy or time every day. Can you set yourself a weekly target instead? Eg 3 hours a week of coding, divided up however works for that week.

I hear you. I actually left….no job to go to but I saved for a year to buy me some time. I’m doing a course now and I’m slowly recovering. I will not take a job like that again and will accept that means a different life style. After all what’s the point of more money if you’re too ill to enjoy it. However I’m towards the end of my career so I realise it’s not as easy for younger people, and I only have myself to worry about.
you could join your colleagues in a bit of sick leave?