Solidarity and accountability? For in-Work stress

[Bigblueballoons]

Hi - wondering if I could start a solidarity and accountability thread for those of us in stressful jobs/ mild burnout, but trying to cope and stay sane.

I am the sole earner in my family. Middle management in the public sector. It is soul crushing but I don’t have many options. I am trying to make small changes that mean the job is sustainable.

this week I have taken some positive steps:
-spoke to the gp about anti anxiety meds (I realise this is a short term measure but I need something for the panic attacks)
-started looking for new jobs every day on linked in (even though that feels terrifying)

Things I need to improve

• make sure I get out of the house on wfh days
• share the burden with colleagues (this is almost impossible as many of my peers are on sick leave due to stress!)
• eat more healthily and try to sleep more too (better sleep hygiene?)

anyone else want to check in and support each other in small steps to cope?

I left too.

I had a horrible 2023 - mum seriously ill for many months, then died in the Oct, funeral Nov. She lived 3hrs away from me so it was very difficult. Dad had only died in 2020, so with Covid I didn't feel we'd ever quite got mum sorted. I had her poa, then was (am!) executor. I have two useless siblings (very dramatic sister, absent estranged brother), so I had to manage them as well as well as mum's wider family and friends.

Work was a shit show, with five changes of C level person I reported to in ONE YEAR. My actual line manager was put at risk of redundancy in June (eventually left Feb the following year!), I was told and had to support the process (letters scripts etc) but for some insane reason they told her I didn't know and she never mentioned it. It put me under so much pressure that in the end I spoke to one of our NEDs, who agreed I could be moved off that work. But by then my line manager had found out that I did know because the C suite guy in post at that point was an idiot and lied to her even more, so then I had to deal with her mistrust and emotions.

Meanwhile, I had a leak under the floor in my house and the insurer sent some guys who put all my ground floor furniture into storage, ripped up the floors and skirtings. I had to have all new heating installed - all while I was trying to deal with mum. That was Aug 23, I got the stuff back Mar 24!

There was more.

But it was April 2024 when I realised everything was annoying me, I wanted to cry every time I saw an email appear. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't sleep, couldn't breath some days. No motivation. Getting fat!

I left (Oct eventually). I told them I was semi retiring, which is true. I am lucky I am at that age and financial maturity that I could do that.

But it's taken about 18m to feel OK again. I am still suffering the after effects though - I've never really got my house straight. And I tend to binge shop when I'm miserable so I have too much STUFF!

In terms of what I would do differently - I'd take time off, immediately I felt stressed. It is only a job. I would also seek talking therapies just to offload. Your health is worth more.

Hello everyone - checking in again.

it’s been a difficult week. Lots of mental ill health at work. But the sunnier weather at least makes a lunchtime walk more pleasant. I even managed to take a short lunch break yesterday!

still not sleeping because of panic about the workload though.

I hope everyone is doing ok

Also to say @Negroany thank you for sharing your story. How are you now? Have you begun to recover?

dh burnt out in 2024 and is still unable to work, but he has improved quite a bit.

Signing up 😩 also public sector but not in a management role. I make decisions that could potentially lead to liability claims, and the never ending deadlines that if are not met have big consequences. I am aiming for a promotion, so I have been given more responsibility but without much support.

I have a new manager who appears to have faith in me, however is not approachable at all and is not offering any guidance, very much a sink or swim situation as I think he wants me to prove myself. Said manager is also extremely introverted and struggles to hold a conversation even about work. It doesn't help that work in a male dominated environment, and as a result I suffer from imposter syndrome. Said male colleagues have ego and confidence greater than mount Everest.

Various reasons why I can't leave this job. Really questioning the industry I chose to work in too, not as glamorous as what I thought as a spotty nosed teenager.

Hi everyone, sorry to hear you are all going through this. I am currently signed off work with stress, I couldn’t carry on what I was doing, felt like I was having a breakdown and my family were being effected.

like some of you, I’ve been trying to do the job of 3 people and it’s just impossible, cries for helped swept under the table - now I’m off and I’ve had time to rest and think, I’ve realised how much this job has changed me and how much I need to get back to my old self.

ive become isolated, no longer exercise, feel like I have no time. I went for a huge walk this morning and remembered when I used to do that most days.

ive made a plan and I need to get through the next few months before I can leave me job but In the meantime I am going to save like crazy, set boundaries when I go back, and try not to care so much. Everyone I see winning at life seem to be those people that don’t really care. I need to get my confidence back and believe it myself and hope that things work out 🌺

Sorry for all the typos ! My phone is so old and slow when I type

Sadly joining this club. I’m NHS and would love my job if I could change some things about it, so I’m focusing on what I can do to make it more enjoyable and to let me tap into the parts I really care about.

Outside of work I am being very intentional with hobbies, socialising and trying to do housework little and often instead of having to give up loads of time in one go to sort it out.

Following along in solidarity and for tips.

I could have written this, public sector management too.

Aaargh so many of us in the public sector!

I had a counselling session today where we talked boundaries. And also about being able to express emotions before things get to breaking point. I said I need some tools to cope with the stress and she suggested journaling and making time for things I enjoy … I know it sounds small and obvious but I’m going to give it a try.

a member of my team asked for reduced hours so she can retrain and I had to say no. I feel bad for her because I know it’s what she wants, but she already works quite unusual part time hours and if she drops any more the rest of the team will crack under the pressure of filling in the gaps. On one hand I salute her for not giving a fuck about the job, on the other I can’t let her treat it like it’s nothing because of the impact on all of our colleagues. Very conflicted.

And yet there is still the misconception that the public sector is cushy, laid back and has all these perks. In reality we are massively under resourced, which is just leading to burn out. I know my manager is stretched, so I try not to hold it against him but am at my wits end with such lack of communication and what feels like the silent treatment at times.

I am also in counselling also at the moment to deal with work pressures amongst other things. My counsellor has also recommended I do outdoor activities as being outside always destresses me but it's drumming up the energy. That said, I went for a two mile walk last night with a colleague (in another unit).

I was public sector before my current role - everything PS people are saying chimes so true! The idea the CS and LG are bastions of flexibility and cushiness are so far from the reality of things.

One of the things that I hated about CS was that when I had a team that was the root of the issue (whether poor performers, over/under resourced etc) the response was always “deal with it” and if (when) it failed I failed. Now I’m finding it’s taken a little while whilst we “tried everything” but I’m backed by my leadership and HR to take necessary action to right the team.

Still very stressful tho working through it and mitigating the impact, and I work hard to maintain my boundaries around my working hours.

The public sector are all about flexibility, work life balance and joining different networks until you are a manager when you realise you are expected to deliver without ever having a team fully at work. You make reasonable adjustments to team members workloads under HR direction but it inevitably means’s more stress for you as the manager. It’s a ridiculous system and so inefficient

There is a tipping point where flexibility and work life balance can make teams increasingly inefficient if they not managed properly and resourced to accommodate this. There is also an attitude that the system is there to be manipulated and it should work around them. It really is broken

Not to mention the fact that you can’t really fire anyone. I’ve worked in charities before and if someone was underperforming they would go. Now I have people on my team who are dead weights but I still need to carry them and take responsibility for their failures.

@shuffleofftobuffalo how did you leave the public sector?!??

Yep I’m in higher education and it’s impossible to get rid of poor performers

I agree with every word of this as a former civil servant. I was very burnt out when I left.

Now as ive posted above my work (private sector now) is a different kind of stress and I am very frustrated and upset, but I am at least very much 9-5 and don't have horrific people management to deal with.

I do want to try to remember that because it was a bad time and more the kind of stress that most of the people on this thread are dealing with.

Interesting that everyone is PS! I’m civil service, and just reflecting on the comments. I get so frustrated with the cushy civil service comments when I’m working 10 hours plus a day and managing multi million pound budgets for very little wage! But yes. We have a good pension and I’ve only 10 years to go.

Most Of my colleagues are brilliant, not much dead wood. But i get cross that there are so many differences in responsibility even though people are the same grade. I’m probably working at the grade above but it’s frustrating because no one can do anything about that. And we can’t recruit

Morning everyone. Hope your Mondays are going ok.
i am planning to do a short run in between my meetings (wfh today) and I might treat myself to a supermarket trip this evening 🤪 - at least it gets me out of the house

Hope everyone is surviving. I have been suffering with tension headaches on and off for the past week (and I think I had a sniff of dp's bug) so am going to take a sick day on Wednesday, should have taken a sick day last week but have been swamped with deadlines. Just need to grind through today. I am also indulging myself to a massage on Wednesday to hopefully kill this headache.

A massage sounds amazing. Tension headaches are one of my biggest stress these days. Once you’ve got yourself sorted I find prioritising movement/walking about during your working day really helps keep it at bay.

@IceTippedMountains hope you have a very restful and restorative day off.

I had a crash out on Monday night that was so bad my husband asked me to leave the house as I was scaring dc! Ugh. The last thing I want is for them to have to bear the worst of it.

yesterday some improvement - a massive problem arrived last night at 10pm and I just shrugged and said I will have to deal with it in the morning. And last night i actually slept. Have I finally found a way not to care or have I completely lost my mind?

oh well. Onwards. Trying not to trash talk myself and just keep going.

hi, can I join please? Another senior manager here who is burnt out and menopausal. Brain fog debilitating, forgetting things day by day and feel it’s being noticed and commented on. Have an awful team to manage (behavioural)
This morning I couldn’t function or think clearly. It’s awful 😞 @Bigblueballoons i am at the stage of almost being past caring. I’ve never felt this way before but I think it’s the way to be

Hello @popdepop im sorry you’re in this position too.

Are there any small steps you can take to cope better in the moment? Today I have tried to spend some time in the sunshine. Sounds so small but I’m only aiming small at the moment.

I did something to make me feel better today. I provided feedback for a couple of colleagues who are amazing. Direct to their managers. It made me feel better for a while until I started doubting myself that I had done the right thing!

@FedUpUp I think you did the right thing! You sound like a lovely colleague.
and I love the fact that doing something to support other people is what made you feel good today!