Help I resigned… then found out I’m pregnant. What now?

[MidlifePlotTwist]

Sorry for the long post but I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because my head is scrambled.

I’m in a senior leadership role in a large company. The job is high pressure due to ongoing multiple changes and has been taking a toll for a while, so a few weeks ago I resigned. I gave a 3 month notice period and planned to move abroad and set up my own small consultancy once I left.

My chief was upset when I resigned and immediately tried to walk it back, offering different options to keep me. At the time I was going on annual leave for two weeks (back tomorrow) and so I said I would reflect over that period but I genuinely felt done with corporate life and so I didn’t see me changing my mind.

Fast forward to this week and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my third (7 weeks). It was not planned, I’m 40, and I’m the only earner (hubby a stay at home dad). My last working day is supposed to be March, baby due July.

We’re fortunate to have a financial safety net behind us so we could cope with no income for a while but our savings would take a significant dent.

Now I’m torn.

On one hand, part of me thinks I should tell my chief now about my pregnancy so I can extend my resignation end date slightly to end of June, keep things stable, have a few more months of income (and bonus) and then step away before the baby comes. It gives them a longer runway to recruit my replacement and have a decent handover.

On the other, it feels messy to reveal a pregnancy after resigning, and I don’t want to look like I’m trying to reverse anything or use it for leverage. I also don’t want to burn bridges because I may still consult for them.

Other option is that I walk back my resignation, don’t tell them I’m pregnant, announce it later and then take paid maternity leave. Legally I know I can do this, but it doesn’t sit comfortably with me and I want to be super transparent with them.

Has anyone navigated something similar?

Would you tell your employer now?

Does extending a notice period sound reasonable in this situation?

Any advice or reality checks welcome. I feel like every option has trade-offs and I don’t want to make the wrong call.

This - “walk back my resignation, don’t tell them I’m pregnant, announce it later and then take paid maternity leave.”

Yeh because they are bound to be dumb bastards that struggle to see the blatantly bloody obvious!

Yeh because they'll be really really stupid and not click on to the obvious scam! She has resigned because she doesn't want to be there, she would look bad trying to back peddle because she's pregnant.

So what? Circumstances change, she was given the opportunity to rethink and as a result of her changed circumstances she has done exactly that.

OP can look to set up her consultancy business during her paid maternity leave if she still wants to. Or she may find with the additional support that she has since been offered to help keep her, that she no longer wishes to leave once her maternity has ended.

And yet the lunatics are still on here banging on that the OP should pull a scam to get maternity! Like it wouldn't be immediately clear what she's done! Like it wouldn't create a shit situation at work for her! Like any future employer wouldn't sit at an interview and ask about why she left her last job right after taking a years maternity pay! We are never going to get real equality whist some of these women want to pull scams and rise roughshod over workplace!

How exactly is my opinion of this one woman's very specific options "happily knackering up other women's careers?"

Its not toxic to take the opportunity to stay and announce her pregnacy later.

And whether she does that or not doesnt impact how other women's CVs are recieved. Its not toxic to keep your pregnancy private from your employer for the early stages.

And maybe they will wonder if she found out she was pregnant and changed her mind but so what? Or maybe they'll think she resigned because she was pregnant but they convinced her to stay? They could have accepted her resignation on the spot they convinced her to reconsider, it isnt toxic to do so. And it isnt toxic to keep her medical info private until she wants to share it, she doesnt owe them early disclosure and likely wouldnt consider it but for these circs.

Because you know what I think is toxic suggesting women should prioritise what her job will think of her, and by extention all women, if she treats it like a job not some obligation that she has to accommodate and subjugate herself in order to achieve anything.

As someone who went freelance consulting, only resign if you have a book of business in hand or are financially in a place where you can spend 6-12 months building that book of business full time. Add in a new infant, and add another year to the equation.

as someone who left corporate to go freelance for ~8 years and now back in a senior corporate role - be mercenary in your focus on what is best for you and your family. Paid maternity is a massive benefit, so don’t give that up lightly. Don’t feel obligated to ‘be upfront’ about your situation, and unless you are bffs with the ceo I wouldn’t disclose pregnancy. If the shoe were on the other foot and they were thinking about making you redundant you wouldn’t get a courtesy heads up, so you don’t owe them the opportunity to act like assholes around mat leave.

if it were me, I would stay in role, take the full mat leave, and then exit as planned. And as a senior manager, I would not resent a member of our leadership group doing the same. I give a lot to work, but ultimately family comes first.

And before anyone piles on to the ‘you are hurting other women by demanding statutory rights’ bandwagon, competent women generally outperform their male counterparts at a fraction of the pay. The number of men I work with who who have managed annual pay rises like a hostage negotiation where they blatantly threaten to derail key aspects of the business unless they get their way is shocking and not replicated with female employees. In general it is acceptable for men to be in it for themselves, but have the expectation that women serve the community. Don’t buy into the bullshit and put your family first.

Perhaps the pregnancy was the reason why you needed a break? It could be worth having a talk with your boss and telling her how you feel, that you would like to stay with the company.

She will appreciate the honesty, and I think perhaps realise the reason for your resignation. They will, after all, spend a lot of time and money interviewing candidates, and they will know when you have maternity leave and can make arrangements for that in time.

You have nothing to lose, do you?

You wouldn’t resent it, but the money to fund the mat leave isn’t coming out of your pocket.

I agree, and in my working life have heard “screw it, we’ll just hire a ma next time,” from managers hoodwinked by people who said they were returning after mat leave, but didn’t.

thats some shitty behaviour

@BlondeWanderer

'Does that matter?

Firstly, a lot can happen between now and the end of a 12-month maternity leave. The OP may decide she wants to stay after all, rather than moving on.

Secondly, why not stay for the paid leave especially if she’s eventually planning to move overseas anyway? OP will still be working for another 7 months and the leave is a legal and contractual entitlement.'

youre an idiot!

Tell your empower your are pregnant. You might be able to have leave, when the baby is born.

I hope you flagged to them that this is illegal

You’re right - poor large corporate shareholders, however will they feed their children?

I’d walk it back and not say anything about the pregnancy - you’re only 7 weeks - it’s early days esp when you’re 40.

They may ask you when you found out you were pregnant, that’s the only thing.

You are being silly now! They will not think that the pregnancy is just a sweet little coincidence! This isn't fairyland! This is the real world where it is still hard for women to be as easily accepted for roles as men are. One day you might go through that fight and you'll realise why women pulling maternity leave scams is so upsetting.

Another one living in cuckoo land who wants to undo equality!

How can someone scam maternity leave?

Get one of those Reborn dolls and a fake MatB1? Seems unlikely.

Employers discriminating against women isn’t the fault or responsibility of women acting in accordance with their contact and taking maternity leave and pay.

My 2p... a combo of the options you presented

Take back your resignation and have an "open" conversation about the need to reduce workload from 70hrs down to 40 max and signal clearly you do still want out in the next 18m but will engage fully in succession planning and you love / are committed to the businesses success.
Do not reference pregnancy.

I would wait until the know the lay of the land on pregnancy viability.

At 16/20 weeks shock horror you had no idea yourself you thought something was seriously wrong with you but quelle suprise the dr says its a baby and here we are... believe this yourself and so will they. No one can "prove" you knew.
You are only a "bad actor" if thats how you sell it.
the data points are you've behaved impecably up to this point so act like a "good actor" and you are a good actor (who has had a unexpected turn).

At this point managment is already mentally accepted you are exiting in middle distant future and the initial resignation is in the rear view so this isnt so big deception just adjusts the timeline a bit. Here i'd offer some time during mat leave if theres a business (beyond 10kit days if they need - they wont)

If you play the game from there... carry on being a good soldier, help to find and transition in the new person you should be able to swing enhanced mat leave and tender resignation at the end with your rep intact since you've been a good sport about it all....

Scam???
<holds head in hands>

Handmaid mysogynists like you are more than half the problem in uk workplaces...

Would it be "okay" to wait until 16/20weeks if she'd had no kids and had had 6 early miscarriages before this...?

Would it be "acceptable" if she'd had NIPT which flagged possible anomalies which needed further testing and meant she may have to make a difficult decision regarding progressing or terminating the pregnancy?

Would it be "less upsetting" to you if she waited to disclose because her marriage was breaking down and she was staring down the barrel of raising 3 kids solo as her sahd dh was planning to sloped off with a 22 yo while taking her to the cleaners???

It's her legal right not to disclose until 15 weeks before due date because of people with views like yours.

I feel more than qualified to say this as i work in big tech making over 200k And I had 2 pregnancies within 18 months of each other and a boss who was fired during my 2nd mat leave for pregancy discrimination against a host of women in their 30s who they managed. The law is there to protect women.

Most of us are shareholders via our pensions. Plus, the idea that it’s “ok to screw The Man” is unseemly. Dishonesty isn’t right regardless of the size of the target.

Enhanced maternity leave is a retention tool. Availing oneself when one has no intention of being retained is dishonest.

This. Definitely this.