Help I resigned… then found out I’m pregnant. What now?

[MidlifePlotTwist]

Sorry for the long post but I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because my head is scrambled.

I’m in a senior leadership role in a large company. The job is high pressure due to ongoing multiple changes and has been taking a toll for a while, so a few weeks ago I resigned. I gave a 3 month notice period and planned to move abroad and set up my own small consultancy once I left.

My chief was upset when I resigned and immediately tried to walk it back, offering different options to keep me. At the time I was going on annual leave for two weeks (back tomorrow) and so I said I would reflect over that period but I genuinely felt done with corporate life and so I didn’t see me changing my mind.

Fast forward to this week and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my third (7 weeks). It was not planned, I’m 40, and I’m the only earner (hubby a stay at home dad). My last working day is supposed to be March, baby due July.

We’re fortunate to have a financial safety net behind us so we could cope with no income for a while but our savings would take a significant dent.

Now I’m torn.

On one hand, part of me thinks I should tell my chief now about my pregnancy so I can extend my resignation end date slightly to end of June, keep things stable, have a few more months of income (and bonus) and then step away before the baby comes. It gives them a longer runway to recruit my replacement and have a decent handover.

On the other, it feels messy to reveal a pregnancy after resigning, and I don’t want to look like I’m trying to reverse anything or use it for leverage. I also don’t want to burn bridges because I may still consult for them.

Other option is that I walk back my resignation, don’t tell them I’m pregnant, announce it later and then take paid maternity leave. Legally I know I can do this, but it doesn’t sit comfortably with me and I want to be super transparent with them.

Has anyone navigated something similar?

Would you tell your employer now?

Does extending a notice period sound reasonable in this situation?

Any advice or reality checks welcome. I feel like every option has trade-offs and I don’t want to make the wrong call.

Walk back the resignation. Don't tell them you're pregnant. Employers make pregnant women redundant or fire them all the time - you have to act in your own interests. if your CEO is good to their word s/he will accept the pregnancy and want to retain you for the short/longer term. If they hold it against you, you're done anyway.

I want to be super transparent with them

Admirable but misguided and unwise.

You're 7 weeks and have no idea what will happen or how you'll feel. You could miscarry. You could have triplets. Your priorities might change. Throwing away your leave and pay entitlement would be barmy.

Just walk back your redundancy and then announce your pregnancy in a couple of months. Take the full maternity leave and use that time to consider your next step.

Third option without hesitation!

I would walk back and discuss succession planning with them with a view that if all goes well you will go on maternity leave and not return or will leave next summer.

Either way this gives them the time to secure someone and then you train up the person to take over.

Withdraw your resignation. Take the time out for other things that hes offered you. Think about how to proceed during that period.

Sadly not all pregnancies end in a baby and the financial climate is not conducive to starting a business right now. So I’d suggest staying put and seeing how it goes. Running away from problems doesn't work.

With regard to the pregnancy, how will you cope with another dc when you have stressful stuff going on as well? Is it a plan to consider the options there?

I agree with this. Seems the smart thing to do.

So if you plan to leave at a later date after getting maternity benefits how do you propose funding your life without running out of savings? If you stay how will you cope with your 'high pressure' job and having a baby? Will your husband get a job to help fund the bigger family?

Tell them you’ve changed your mind and you’d like to stay. Do not mention pregnancy yet.

Tell them when you are 25 weeks. Get your bonus. Get maternity pay.

You can always set up your consultancy in a couple of years.

Please put yourself first. It’s unlikely they will act in your best interests. Nothing personal but they will think about the business first.

Retract the resignation and get your mat leave.
Depending on the relationship you have with your employer, you could tell them now, and explain it all and then retract your resignation. A TA at my schooo did this last year. Found another job, handed in her resignation and then found out she was pregnant. Was very honest with our business manager and asked if she could take it all back and keep her job with us. Business manager massively understood, and she has stayed and there are no hard feelings at all.

Do NOT tell them you’re pregnant yet. Walk back your resignation. Only tell them you’re pregnant when you’ve passed the 12 weeks mark. It’s perfectly acceptable not to tell anyone about your pregnancy until after 12 weeks. Go on your maternity leave and use the time to reassess what you want to do with your career.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Your former work place obviously really likes you, so they will probably be really happy if you walk back your resignation.

If that is not possible, would it be possible for your husband to start working? I know that you wrote that he is a stay-at-home dad, but perhaps he would be interested in working again, and you can stay at home for a while?

Good luck on whatever you decide!

Your first loyalty is to yourself not to the company. Retract your resignation. Don’t announce pregnancy. Congratulations!

I would stay as much as possible. Your husband being at SAHD at least for the foreseeable means the earning responsibility falls on you.
All the best with what you decide.

Well you sound inexperienced and not well versed in legal matters. It really reeks.

You are acting as if the employer will magically give OP that opportunity as opposed to washing their hands of it. As if handing your resignation is not a nuclear option that will cause your employer to lose trust in you. I feel I’m stating the obvious here, but do you really think OP’s boss is going to assume OP is magically all in now? They know OP would leave for better pastures so they’re going to protect themselves.

You’re yapping about how OP owes her employer no loyalty without taking into account they feel the exact same way.

Wtf? You don't know they won't want her if they know she's pregnant, they may be perfectly happy about it.

OP I would withdraw the resignation and see what happens. Not being that person but at 7 weeks you don't know yet if you're going to need maternity leave. Tell them at 14 weeks plus if applicable.

I genuinely don’t think the company would wash their hands off me just because I chose to resign - I’ve not left to work for another company. I’ve been navigating some family health dynamics and been working 70 hours a week due to some crisis stuff happening - that has come at a cost to my family and I’ve chosen to resign to reconnect with my family. They completely understand, so much so, they said they would completely support some family leave to enable me to work through some of those dynamics and work with me to reduce my hours to something more sustainable. They also said that if I still decided to leave they absolutely want to keep the door open for me returning in the future. This is not a company who doesn’t care about me, they genuinely do and that’s why I’m torn about not being upfront with them around the new pregnancy dynamic. I’ve been in corporate for 20 years, so I’m not naive on how the politics work but I’m struggling with the idea of making a decision without them knowing exactly the circumstances around it.

If they'll accept a retraction id do that and stick it out for the mat leave. You wanted to leave anyway so assuming there's no claw-back clause for enhanced mat pay i think youd be crazy not to retract it. They'd not think twice about getting rid of you if necessary.

Get what youre saying about consultancy or returning, and this situation may well burn bridges being realistic, but there must be other options to consult/freelance for other companies.

If I was an employer in this situation Id be pissed off for sure, but its tough tits really!!

I’d just withdraw the resignation and not mention the pregnancy ,congratulations @MidlifePlotTwist

Your boss sounds very reasonable and supportive, I think you should just go in and be honest with them about the pregnancy, say it’s changed how you feel about resigning and see what the say. Let them make the decision for you. You’ll be fine whatever happens.

It sounds like they would do anything to keep you, and its still early days in the pregnancy, so presumably not showing yet. I would take back the resignation, see what they can offer to help with your other issues, ie, no travel, or reduced hours etc. Then in due course, announce your pregnancy. You have worked there a long time, you are entitled to maternity leave, presumably well paid if such a good firm.

Then after the ML ends, if they are that desparate to keep you, you can see if you can renogiate your hours etc to suit yourself.

I would backtrack on the resignation, not tell him I’m pregnant until much later. You don’t have to say anything to anyone until you’re at least three months down the line. As someone else said, being pregnant at 40 is genuinely a surprise so it is feasible you ‘don’t know’ right now . I assume you’ve worked with them for quite a while now, and if you had been pregnant five years ago, you would’ve taken maternity leave so I really wouldn’t feel guilty about it. Businesses do have to factor in their female workers getting pregnant. In this case, I would absolutely think of yourself first.

I like your ethics.

The risk is, they think you walked it back due to pregnancy, and some of the trust gets broken. Whether you tell them now or later.

you’ve given the options, but not said what you actually want to do. Have the reasons for resigning paled now or become irrelevant? Whay do you fundamentally want to do. As you will have a preference.

personally, I’m also corp leadership. I’d row it back then explain I’m pregnant in a few weeks or so, say it was a total surprise and you didn’t know but you’re in it for the long term. I’d do this as your husband is financially inactive and with three kids, inc a new born, then stability financially is important.

7 weeks is really early and lots of things could happen. I’d say you’d like more time to think about resigning.