Help I resigned… then found out I’m pregnant. What now?

[MidlifePlotTwist]

Sorry for the long post but I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because my head is scrambled.

I’m in a senior leadership role in a large company. The job is high pressure due to ongoing multiple changes and has been taking a toll for a while, so a few weeks ago I resigned. I gave a 3 month notice period and planned to move abroad and set up my own small consultancy once I left.

My chief was upset when I resigned and immediately tried to walk it back, offering different options to keep me. At the time I was going on annual leave for two weeks (back tomorrow) and so I said I would reflect over that period but I genuinely felt done with corporate life and so I didn’t see me changing my mind.

Fast forward to this week and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my third (7 weeks). It was not planned, I’m 40, and I’m the only earner (hubby a stay at home dad). My last working day is supposed to be March, baby due July.

We’re fortunate to have a financial safety net behind us so we could cope with no income for a while but our savings would take a significant dent.

Now I’m torn.

On one hand, part of me thinks I should tell my chief now about my pregnancy so I can extend my resignation end date slightly to end of June, keep things stable, have a few more months of income (and bonus) and then step away before the baby comes. It gives them a longer runway to recruit my replacement and have a decent handover.

On the other, it feels messy to reveal a pregnancy after resigning, and I don’t want to look like I’m trying to reverse anything or use it for leverage. I also don’t want to burn bridges because I may still consult for them.

Other option is that I walk back my resignation, don’t tell them I’m pregnant, announce it later and then take paid maternity leave. Legally I know I can do this, but it doesn’t sit comfortably with me and I want to be super transparent with them.

Has anyone navigated something similar?

Would you tell your employer now?

Does extending a notice period sound reasonable in this situation?

Any advice or reality checks welcome. I feel like every option has trade-offs and I don’t want to make the wrong call.

I would tell the truth and negotiate a longer notice period. If you walk it back and then reveal the pregnancy, and the timeline, at say 5 months, they will know and you will look bad and feel bad. So don't do that. It is not ideal but the job is too stressful and life has given you a concrete 'out' - you must have been asking for one! I would take it, enjoy it and wind down over these next few months. Congratulations btw.

Well done, I think this is the best way forward too on many points.

They clearly value you, the transparency is best for integrity I feel, and I am sure they’d appreciate that, and like you say, the extra notice for them is also helpful. I feel this approach has the best chance for long term success.

Congrats and wishing you all the best! Sounds like you’ve got a good plan!

You've obviously been a very lucky woman who has never had to face difficulties and discrimination trying to build your career especially in male dominated fields! When I was in my 20's I sat a job interview and was told at the end of the interview that they had no intention of hiring me because they had another female applicant who was beyond child bearing age! Never ever sit there and say that it is absolutely fine to make women less desirable to hire or promote! Do none of you have daughters that you'd like to have career choices when they grow up? They won't be stupid if she cancels her resignation and then announces a pregnancy! They will know she did it for the maternity money and do you think they'd be as keen to fill her position with another female when she does eventually leave! They aren't mugs!

No! I'm saying that it's deception to lie that you've changed your mind and really want to stay when you really want is your maternity money and then will leave! You really couldn't work that one out?

Thank you for picking the honest option, it's still hard out there for women in the career world abs at least you won't be putting your current employers off letting another woman be in your role when you do leave.

Also you have to remember that all those nice ideas are easier said than done especially with a new baby and a husband that doesn't have a job. You can't just walk into countries overseas without a secure and stable income.

It's concerning how you and me seem to be the only people seeing it as blatantly deceptive! So many people on here seem happy to bring the career potential of women down! It's hard enough still as it is out there, especially for younger women of lesser experience and of childbearing age! Cheating the company out of maternity pay that they'll see straight through is just ridiculous! Nobody should think like that, especially anyone with daughters who they'd like to have career options in the future.

What did the chief say @MidlifePlotTwist?

How good of an actress are you? If you think you could believably tell them at around 4 months that you've just found out you're pregnant and are shocked, then I'd go with withdrawing your resignation, getting your paid maternity and keeping good relations with the company for future consultancy work. It's underhanded but it's what would benefit your family most. It's not a complete lie either. The pregnancy was a surprise.

Do you get enhanced maternity benefit?

I have two children and have worked multiple senior jobs in big firms and seen how women are treated never mind those in senior leadership who have the gall to have children. I can categorically say that at this point I would have no compunction about walking back the resignation [reluctantly obviously] on my return from leave. If you can hide it long enough don't say a word about the pregnancy until nearly 20 weeks. Some careful dressing will sort that.

You will in all likelihood find that you are managed out while on maternity leave especially if you take 12 months and state that as an intention. At which point, you won't have to repay the mat leave and will leave with a redundancy payout.

Worst case, you come back after 12 months with a year to work before you can go. More time to plan your exit, your new location with 3 children this time and build accordingly.

What would make me change my mind?
Total burnout - If I was completely unable to mentally detach and would be endlessly stressed.
Pregnancy loss. Still a possibility as it's early days.
Critical dates for schooling eg: needing to make a move by a certain point for exams etc.

I’m sensitive to it because something similar to this happened twice at one of my former companies. It was very disruptive and the result was that men were selected to fill the positions, going forward.

She wouldn't be getting maternity pay "under false pretences" though, would she? Do you understand what that means? If she's eligible for it she will receive it. If she's getting it under "false pretences" that means she wouldn't really be eligible for it.

maybe not legally, but morally is another thing.

The reason companies offer enhanced mat pay is to retain good employees, not to be nice.

Knowing that, taking advantage of the policy, and then quitting anyway, isn’t right imho.

Interesting though, it’s always good to learn something new.

Of course it's false pretences! You're all telling her to tell a lie and pretend she wants to stay there just to get a years maternity leave! She's no intention of staying there and of course it's a lie to pretend otherwise! It's false pretences, falsely lying and pretending she doesn't want to leave when she does!

I worked somewhere once and two of the women got pregnant had a year off, both came back and were pregnant again within months and planning the next year off and one of them did it a third time - three paid years off out of 5! Meanwhile I had male hiring managers knocking me back left right and centre for advancement!

I agree with you.

I think it’s obvious who posting here actually has senior leadership experience and those who don’t. These fantasy-land responses about sticking it to the man…as if OP’s employer can’t gently manage her out in these circumstances.

Her handing in her resignation is a solid defence against any discrimination claims, as OP made the decision to end the employment. Yet the idiots here are banging on about employment tribunal claims when OP has no leg to stand on. It’s always a fraught relationship when an employee rescinds a resignation, the working relationship won’t be the same. And OP’s employer will be able to see right through it once they find out about the pregnancy.

I think id do the last one.. these are your employers not your friends or family. I wouldnt worry about transparency

Being in corporate life for 15 years taught me always prioritizing yourself first. Your well-being, your financial security and your career prospective comes before being transparent or being loyal. After all, you get paid for what you did for the company. So in this case resigning while being pregnant will leave you in a more vulnerable position, which I wouldn’t do.

I’d stay and get the maternity leave if it was a viable option.

They would not deliberate this hard or feel these moral dilemmas if they were considering restructuring the organisation. This is a situation when you need to prioritise the financial stability of yourself and your family.

How did the chat go when you returned from leave op @MidlifePlotTwist?

Hope it went well and all works out for you. Good luck with the pregnancy and baby number 3

All these unintelligent replies we see a lot on here just feed into peoples sense of entitlement then people complain how hard things are yet never seem to join the dots

Sure op try what you want but what people want and what they get does not always match

So many women that are so happy to knacker up the career potential of other women! You could be the person getting your CV ripped up for being female down the line so be careful.about wanting women to look toxic in the workplace! The employer is not stupid, she wouldn't get away with it.

Don’t say anything, take back your resignation, go on maternity leave and then resign.

They aren't stupid! They will know it's a stitch up the minute she announces the pregnancy and all it does make them look to push her out and then they'll unlikely hire a woman again for that role! How can so many women want to undo anything that's been achieved so far in terms of equality!