Help I resigned… then found out I’m pregnant. What now?

[MidlifePlotTwist]

Sorry for the long post but I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because my head is scrambled.

I’m in a senior leadership role in a large company. The job is high pressure due to ongoing multiple changes and has been taking a toll for a while, so a few weeks ago I resigned. I gave a 3 month notice period and planned to move abroad and set up my own small consultancy once I left.

My chief was upset when I resigned and immediately tried to walk it back, offering different options to keep me. At the time I was going on annual leave for two weeks (back tomorrow) and so I said I would reflect over that period but I genuinely felt done with corporate life and so I didn’t see me changing my mind.

Fast forward to this week and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my third (7 weeks). It was not planned, I’m 40, and I’m the only earner (hubby a stay at home dad). My last working day is supposed to be March, baby due July.

We’re fortunate to have a financial safety net behind us so we could cope with no income for a while but our savings would take a significant dent.

Now I’m torn.

On one hand, part of me thinks I should tell my chief now about my pregnancy so I can extend my resignation end date slightly to end of June, keep things stable, have a few more months of income (and bonus) and then step away before the baby comes. It gives them a longer runway to recruit my replacement and have a decent handover.

On the other, it feels messy to reveal a pregnancy after resigning, and I don’t want to look like I’m trying to reverse anything or use it for leverage. I also don’t want to burn bridges because I may still consult for them.

Other option is that I walk back my resignation, don’t tell them I’m pregnant, announce it later and then take paid maternity leave. Legally I know I can do this, but it doesn’t sit comfortably with me and I want to be super transparent with them.

Has anyone navigated something similar?

Would you tell your employer now?

Does extending a notice period sound reasonable in this situation?

Any advice or reality checks welcome. I feel like every option has trade-offs and I don’t want to make the wrong call.

Retract your resignation and definitely do not tell them about pregnancy - 7 weeks is very early and no reason to tell them at this stage.

Also in your OP you mention a bonus - at every place I’ve worked if you resigned then your bonus was forfeited even if on a 3 month notice period and 6 month bonus cycle - it was the contracts. Line managers / HR didn’t voluntarily tell people when they handled the resignation so some people thought they were getting their bonus only to receive their payslip, kick up a fuss and then find out they weren’t entitled to it. I know people who resigned a few days before payday and company made sure payroll didn’t pay the bonus. Usually I would advise only resigning once bonus is in the bank!

There would be if the employer has asked @MidlifePlotTwist to reconsider the resignation, she tells them she's pregnant, then they say 'oh well never mind'.

@MidlifePlotTwist is perfectly entitled to discuss walking back the resignation, then wait until 25 weeks to tell them about the pregnancy.

I think that you should tell your chief in confidence. This protects a future consulting relationship and will save you the stress of worrying about their reaction if you stay and announce the pregnancy later. You don't have to do this but it's potentially a win win. They get longer to plan your exit and you have an income for longer.

After reading all the comments here (thanks everyone), this is where I’m leaning… give them 6 months notice instead of 3 (at my level they’ll need 6 months to find a replacement and get a decent handover), but with boundaries in place so I’m not working 70 hours a week.

They’ve then got my full transparency and my integrity stays intact.

Whilst I’m on unpaid mat leave, work quietly to set up my consultancy and see where things take me from there.

Best case my organisation becomes one of my clients, worst case my consultancy doesn’t take off and I’ve got an option to go back into a corporate LT role with them without burning any bridges.

My husband has a great set of skills so could always go back to work to bring some income in whilst I’m setting up if money became tight.

I can’t believe it… 40 (41 when baby is born) and going back to sleepless nights and nappies!

Thanks again all for your insights. It’s helped me get some clarity. Conversation is tomorrow, wish me luck!

I would say I have reconsidered and no longer wish to resign.

I’m sharing my perspective, not yapping.

It was the OP that mentioned that her Chief wanted to walk back her resignation.

I was 42 when I had Dd, no idea I was pregnant until 20 weeks, my first and only Dc, no reason you should have major problems, especially with previous experience.

Off topic but where the hell does the illiterate sounding "walk back" come from, surely in the English language you "Withdraw" or "Rescind" resignation.

They aren't going to sit in limbo for over a year and half! They will want an answer and if she suddenly pretends to want to stay and then announces a pregnancy, they aren't going to be daft! They are going to know she's played a deliberate game! Demanding maternity pay under false circumstances is why some hiring managers still don't like hiring women!

Absolutely take the paid maternity leave and spend the time planning your future

Yes it was off topic, and also not particularly helpful to the discussion.

I’n afraid this is true. A sudden change of heart followed by a pregnancy announcement will scream “I stayed for the paid leave, not the job.”

Yes, take back your resignation.
You need to be settled and as stable as possible for the next three years.

Then take the minimum maternity leave.
Work well for your company until you reassess again whether starting up your own business is right..

Later, when it comes to that - Can you start up your own businesss part time and in your current location?

but it is sensible to stay for the paid leave

I’ll retract the resignation with the understanding that the offer on family leave still stands.
That family leave will be your maternity leave. just read up in ho much you will have to pay back - big companies usually have generous extras!

Does that matter?

Firstly, a lot can happen between now and the end of a 12-month maternity leave. The OP may decide she wants to stay after all, rather than moving on.

Secondly, why not stay for the paid leave especially if she’s eventually planning to move overseas anyway? OP will still be working for another 7 months and the leave is a legal and contractual entitlement.

Demanding maternity pay under false circumstances

Eh? You think OP is planning on faking a pregnancy?

It matters if it affects her professional reputation.

They might not even accept you taking back your resignation. They don’t have to

They've practically begged her to do so.

I would be cautious about relying on getting a bonus if extending your notice period, since most companies’ employment terms provide that you are not entitled to a bonus if working your notice.

I would go option 3. You’re only 7 weeks and as with any pregnancy but especially given your age there’s no guarantee that it will be successful.

I’d rescind, say you would like to take some more time to think, try and negotiate better working conditions or family leave then make your decision.
are you not going to move abroad due to pregnancy?

Honestly without deliberately hurting other people I think you have to look after yourself and your family and do what's best for you whatever that is ,If that not telling them you're pregnant and retracting your resignation -do it.
Now matter how much companies say they value you- if the shoe was on the other foot and they needed to get rid of people they would do it.

Take back the resignation. Don't decide what to do about the maternity leave possibility yet.

As you are 40 and its only a 7 week pregnancy it's sadly possible that there won't actually be a baby after all. Fingers crossed maybe all will be well but don't make any big decisions until you reach week16 with everything looking good.

If your pregnancy stays healthy and happy then there's nothing unethical about staying until Maternity Leave and then taking Statutory Maternity Pay - the money for SMP comes from HMRC it's just administered by the payroll office of your employer. You are entitled to it and can recieve it without guilt, it's not costing your employer anything. If you don't intend to return after ML then don't accept any additional Maternity Pay that your employer may offer.