My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

[Motheroffive999]

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

You should only lend what you can afford to lose (forever). There's no guarantee you'll ever see your money again. Don't do it.

You just say no! Not sure why this is so difficult to be honest.

Why are you even having to ask? Are you normally gullible, it's as if she can sense this! Just don't do it and say you can't afford it

If she's close to losing her home not just being late on a payment then you've no hope of getting the money back, she's asking for it to be given not lent.

DO NOT LEND HER ANY MONEY
This is an absolute scam
She is playing you and is not your friend
She is preying on your vulnerabilities
She will NEVER repay it
I would tell work too in case shes trying this on with others
Its absolutely not your problen her financial situation
Do not have any guilt about this at all and keep her at arms length

I had a very similar thing a few years ago. Asked me for £300 to pay rent. I gave it to her. A couple of days later I forgot my purse and asked her for a tenner to get lunch which she gave . Next day she asked for it back. I gave it to her . The £300 was never mentioned again. Lessons learned. Do not give it !!

OP is likely the one being scammed because she feels sorry for this virtual stranger. If she needs to think of any 'bigger picture' here, let it be that.

Did you not use that opportunity to ask for your £300 back?

In that case why don't you give this person £3,000 @KookyRoseCrab?
🙄

Don't do it. The phrase I used when my sister asked to borrow money (because otherwise she'd lose her home) was ' I don't have that kind of money to lend'.

It was absolutely true - I had that much money but it wasn't for lending. It was for the future financial security of DH and me and our children.

I didn't lend her the money and she didn't lose her house.

Eh- why didnt YOU mention it then? and why give her a tenner back if she owed you £300. I would have reminded her of it every damn week until I got it back.

I am a bit gobsmacked by some of these posts - the level of people pleasing and letting others walk all over you like a doormat is mind blowing.

Giving money is not the only way to be kind. You can be kind and supportive by sign posting her to charities and organisations that can help. Google local ones that can give her advice.

Has she spoken to her bank? They all offer a 1 year holiday break and add it on at the end of the period. Normally people who owe money to their bank usually have other debts with energy, water, credit cards etc. That £3,000 is merely a drop in the ocean. I imagine she's been doing this alot with family and close friends. Now they're refusing, she's turned to work colleagues.

My neighbour has been burned this way by a colleague, said it was the worst thing she'd done. As they never got repaid and her friend moved and blocked her! She later discovered she'd owed numerous people money and moved away to get away from them, as it was impossible to repay them all.

So instead of approaching her family/partner/friends/bank/getting a credit card/loan etc she approaches someone she's worked with for a few months.

Think about that. Why would she ask you? Probably because she's exhausted all the other options.

Do not give her any money, you'll never see it again.

This is a very strange and inappropriate thing for a colleague of only 5 months to be asking you. The only thing you should lend is a sympathetic ear, certainly not money. As PP has said, if she is going to lose her house this is not an issue that has appeared out of the blue so there would have been opportunities for her to resolve it earlier and she hasn't done. TBH the losing the house tale sounds a bit fishy to me. Don't give her a penny.

A long time ago when I was in my 20’s, a colleague was frying his eyes out in the staff room. I went over to see what was going on and he was saying that he needed his rent for that month or he was going to get kicked out. I was saving for a deposit on a flat but only had about 5k. I don’t know how he knew this but he started begging me to help, and me in my big hearted innocent gave him 2k. He said he’d pay me back in installments and of course I believed him. Over the next few months I went to him repeatedly to ask for the money but every time there was an excuse. Of course I never saw a penny of it. I will never lend money to anyone again. If someone ever asks for money consider if a gift that you can afford to lose, or don’t give.

Why does she need £3k?!
Why so much!

Honestly the fact that she thinks you have even £1k at your disposal that you can easily go without - suggests that she’s not as broke as she is implying.

Tell her you do not have the money to spare but if she is open to telling you more about her situation then maybe you can advise her on what to do next.

It entirely depends on if she’s renting, got a mortgage, if she’s a carer etc.

I would suggest she talks to your boss and sees if there’s any way to get an advance on her wages etc too.

Her problems are just that, hers!.
Homelessness or the threat of it doesn’t happen overnight, she knew it was coming, knew that not paying rent has consequences.
There are plenty of places that she can turn to and she should not be harassing work colleagues for money.
You could lend her money, only for her to disappear never to be seen again, even if you drew up some sort of agreement or contract.
I know, I’ve seen it happen.

Or at least say “take it off the £300 you owe me”?

Jeez some people really are total mugs

Absolutely no

I would mention it to my boss, or HR, and ask them to be sensitive. Depends on your type or organisation. I know mine would be supportive and try to help however they could - but I’ve worked places where I wouldn’t do this because I know they’d manager her out if she couldn’t keep on track of finances.

Please don’t offer the money as it will leave you struggling and she still won’t be able to fix this. She needs long term support from somewhere.

“Duty of care” of colleagues does not extend to taking anything to do with a colleague’s personal financial situation.

A new acquaintance asks for £3k and you're considering giving it to her? That's not rational. I wonder why she left her previous job? Owed money to colleagues?

We are the only two oldies in our office

What's an 'oldie'?

I'd consider an 'oldie' to be more of an issue than a 'youngster'. If they haven't got their finances sussed by the time they're 'old', there's no hope.

Do you really feel an additional loyalty to someone because they're closer in age to you?

Do not lend her any money; you have said that you can't afford it and you almost certainly would never see it again.

I don't know whether you are in the UK (maybe not given the timings of your posts) but here I think pressuring work colleagues for money could amount to misconduct especially if this conversation took place in the work place during working hours. It's up to you to take that further if you want, I think it is unfair for you to be put under this kind of pressure from a colleague.

It is possible your employer may be willing to help her through a loan, so i would suggest that to her.

Er, no. As an employer I have a "duty of care" to provide a safe work environment for my employees. I also have a duty to care to offer support in terms of flexible working, reasonable adjustments in the work place, signposting employees to other agencies/therapy if needed for mental health advice/support etc. At most, an employer can refer this employee to debt advice or look into advance pay options.

I do NOT have a "duty of care" to pay off all my employee's personal debts and/or mortgage/rent. If this were true, I could have asked my employer to pay off my student loan for me years ago 🤣