Someone reassure me there is life after this

[Thelaughingtonepoliceman]

I'm early 50s, in a job which for years I enjoyed but now I hate so much its starting to make me unwell.

The reason it's got worse is: a) it's a founder-led business but the founders sold out but are still locked in for a while, have clearly lost interest so are barely involved to support others and resent having to do any work but bully and blame people when things go wrong and b) our industry is in a horrendous state and winning new clients is incredibly difficult so holding onto clients is the only real impetus so we're forced to do things which are humiliating to hold onto them. It makes for an atmosphere which is paranoid, backstabby and horrendous hours.

I desperately desperately want to get out but can't get out. I've applied for nearly 50 roles in the past six month and got virtually nothing: three responses to my applications and one interview, not progressed beyond those initial stages.

I'm very senior (partner level), degree educated, have 30 years of employment behind me in two careers and have been with my company for 10 years. I've AI-ed up my CV. I've worked my network into the ground and found nothing. I realise I'm probably too old but on paper apart from my age should be fairly employable.

Reducing hours or going part time isn't an option, financially, unless I do something really drastic (sell my house) so I'm stuck with this until I can either find a job or get made redundant. My partner works but earns a lot less than me so he can't take the brunt of this.

I'm also not one of these people who's dying to retire. I love working, I want to work until I die. I'm angry and scared and utterly drained working in an environment where my skills are worth so little and working for people who treat me like shit is doing a real number on my health but I'm apparently now stuck until I get fired or retire.

I know I'm stuck in a bit of a doom loop at the moment and presumably eventually something will come up but at the moment I can't see it. Can anyone out there reassure me that this isn't it for the rest of my life?

The job market is really hard right now. Something will eventually come along. My DS is 18 and trying to get his first job. The only ones he can find are delivery drivers. He has good qualifications and is willing to learn. He's so fed up and applying for about 50 a week.

@BananaramaDefence sorry to hear your son is going through this as well. Its soul destroying.

The thing that really frightens me is the prospect that I may spend the last working years of my life working in a miserable role.

Concentrate on your life outside of work, do nice things basically. Work to live! My dh has recently retired but hated his job for years but it was very senior and paid well so you put up stashing money away so you can quit

@Thelaughingtonepoliceman have you removed your age, date of birth and study dates from your CV? I believe this lot isn’t included nowadays to reduce age discrimination. Of course they can piece it together from employment history but do look up whether it’s still the custom to include these dates in employment and whether you could miss out a few earlier/trivial jobs to reduce the length of your employment history.

It's not that simple though: I have to work evenings and both weekend days most of the time to get through my workload. As it is I get shouted at for not delivering enough. I feel guilty if I'm away from home for more than a couple of hours at a time at weekends in case something comes in.

Possibly but the downside of that is I end up cutting out all of my first career, which in itself is quite saleable for what I do now.

Can you be vague on dates here? So get the experience in the cv but don't detail your employment dates for the early stuff. A twenty-something looking at your cv and seeing dates in the 1990s/2000s might just write you off

I am a similar age and have decided to concentrate on interim work where the experience (and age!) are more valued. It keeps you out of a lots of the politics and too and you can care a lot less. Could that be an option? It is less secure obviously but it sounds like you are nearing the end of your tether and no job is worth your health and wellbeing.

I think it’s tough at the moment. My daughter has just graduated and a few are struggling to get jobs, including her boyfriend who is constantly applying for jobs. I’m fed up with my job and have 5 applications sitting waiting for sifting. I hope you find something, is there any scope for changing it up for something new?

@GatherlyGal Honestly I would take anything I could find at this point but I can’t find anything.

Not really. I am not getting interviews for jobs I am highly qualified for so I cant see myself moving into something else. Not without retraining which would be expensive.

You get shouted at??!!
OP remember your worth. You're too old for this crap.x

If you are quite senior and specialist can you target some employers and just give them a call even if they are not expressly looking for someone?

Good experienced people are valuable and if you can time it right and find a company not yet recruiting but thinking about it you can save them the chunky recruitment fee.

*and I mean that very respectfully!

If the industry is in a horrendous state are other employers in your industry hiring? Presumably not.

it might be worth getting a coach to help you look at pivots you can make that take advantage of your existing skills so you can move into an adjacent industry.

i’m sorry you are going through this - getting shouted at at work is horrible

I know but in practical terms what can I actually do? I can't find another job and I can't afford to leave. It's all very well to say I'm too old for this crap but I'm in practice unemployable so I'm stuck with it.

You are at partner level in a business and get shouted at? Thats awful and yet you work 7 days a week. Either way you should leave, either by choice or through job loss.

I would pull back on my workload. No way would I put up with that, regardless of pay. Please start to record the when/where of these incidents in case you need it in future.

I would find a recruitment coach and get them to help me build my confidence and to help me find a new role. Sign with every agency you can.

Also, properly reflect on the future. I am in my 40s and my mortgage is paid, from now on I will only downsize my house. DH earns a lot less than me and if it means a smaller house, then we would move.

No job is worth this, I promise. Nobody in my family has made it past late 60s, please go enjoy life. Work isnt worth being shouted at.

Done that. I've had coffees with counterparts at all my main rival firms. They've all been very nice and friendly and made positive noises but literally nothing has come of it. They're not hiring.

@chipsticksmammy

No job is worth this, I promise. Nobody in my family has made it past late 60s, please go enjoy life. Work isnt worth being shouted at.

I know but it's really easy to say this if you can leave without jeopardising your family's finances. I can't. I'm the main family breadwinner. If I wanted to leave at the moment I'd have to sell my family home and take my daughter out of school.

Sorry I don't mean to be dismissive but 99% of the time when people say things like this they say it from the position of not being the main earner. It's different if it all comes down to your salary.

Have you tried a recruitment agency rather than just applying for roles as they come up? Maybe look at sideways moves into other sectors? Check out the civil service or NHS? Do some additional training on the side to widen your net? I would definitely keep going to find another job.

Have you tried searching for employment agencies for older adults and registering with them?

I've tried four recruitment agencies. All the same thing: positive noises, nothing concrete has come up.

Moving sideways: I would totally do that if I thought it was possible but again the same reasons apply. If I can't find something in a sector I'm very qualified for, why would I be hired in one where I have no experience?

Stop, and start working only a sensible amount of hours per week. If people shout, tell them their behaviour is unacceptable.

You slid into a situation where they will treat you badly because they think they can. It will cause you to completely burn out, probably have a nervous breakdown, and then become unemployable for reasons of not being able to cope with Work at all. So I’m really sorry, but you’re going to have to push back.

if somebody is unhappy because Work isn’t getting done, push it onto their plate. You only get one body you only get one life and you need to protect yourself.

If they can’t cope with this and they try to get rid of you, you go to the employment tribunal . So make sure you’re documenting all of their appalling behaviour along the way.

And keep applying for jobs. You will get one eventually.

I am the main earner. I am the family finances. It all comes down to me.

If I left my current role, or I am made redundant (this is very real for me at the moment) we would need to sell our house and move the kids from the nice school. We would also lose a car (company) and sell our other car for something cheaper.

It would impact our ability to support my children through the Uni years. Student loans in Scotland are small and do not cover full rent. We have been saving for a long time to put the girls through it if they go. These savings might have to be used elsewhere.

I would not put up with being shouted at or being scared to leave my workload. Think about how this is impacting your health, your mental health and your family. Please be kind to yourself.

You will find another role as you sound amazing. I would jump at the chance to have someone as articulate, hard working and lovely in my team. Do not put up with being treated like this if you do stay.

@OxfordInkling

Stop, and start working only a sensible amount of hours per week. If people shout, tell them their behaviour is unacceptable.
You slid into a situation where they will treat you badly because they think they can. It will cause you to completely burn out, probably have a nervous breakdown, and then become unemployable for reasons of not being able to cope with Work at all. So I’m really sorry, but you’re going to have to push back.

I've tried this many times before. The answer is always the same: you're a partner, if you're not cut out for this environment, you can leave or be demoted to something with more manageable workload.

I've been burned out for years. Burn out isn't something I have the luxury of being able to do.

Sorry I know you're trying to dole out tough love and I am completely with you in spirit but these rules don't apply in my company and my industry. If I push back, I'll be fired.

@chipsticksmammy

You will find another role as you sound amazing. I would jump at the chance to have someone as articulate, hard working and lovely in my team. Do not put up with being treated like this if you do stay.

Thank you. You've actually cheered me up.