Someone reassure me there is life after this

[Thelaughingtonepoliceman]

I'm early 50s, in a job which for years I enjoyed but now I hate so much its starting to make me unwell.

The reason it's got worse is: a) it's a founder-led business but the founders sold out but are still locked in for a while, have clearly lost interest so are barely involved to support others and resent having to do any work but bully and blame people when things go wrong and b) our industry is in a horrendous state and winning new clients is incredibly difficult so holding onto clients is the only real impetus so we're forced to do things which are humiliating to hold onto them. It makes for an atmosphere which is paranoid, backstabby and horrendous hours.

I desperately desperately want to get out but can't get out. I've applied for nearly 50 roles in the past six month and got virtually nothing: three responses to my applications and one interview, not progressed beyond those initial stages.

I'm very senior (partner level), degree educated, have 30 years of employment behind me in two careers and have been with my company for 10 years. I've AI-ed up my CV. I've worked my network into the ground and found nothing. I realise I'm probably too old but on paper apart from my age should be fairly employable.

Reducing hours or going part time isn't an option, financially, unless I do something really drastic (sell my house) so I'm stuck with this until I can either find a job or get made redundant. My partner works but earns a lot less than me so he can't take the brunt of this.

I'm also not one of these people who's dying to retire. I love working, I want to work until I die. I'm angry and scared and utterly drained working in an environment where my skills are worth so little and working for people who treat me like shit is doing a real number on my health but I'm apparently now stuck until I get fired or retire.

I know I'm stuck in a bit of a doom loop at the moment and presumably eventually something will come up but at the moment I can't see it. Can anyone out there reassure me that this isn't it for the rest of my life?

OP: If I can't find something in a sector I'm very qualified for, why would I be hired in one where I have no experience?

Maybe because you have a stack of transferable skills that are in demand?

Maybe because a company is looking for a reliable, mature person with the right potential who is keen to stay put for a long time and whom they can invest in with training? (Imho, wanting to settle in a post for the long-term, and the length of time you've stuck with previous jobs could be good selling points.)

Maybe because other sectors are struggling to find the right people at your level whereas your sector is not?

What sector are you in?

And I think it’s much harder to find a a partner level job, because there are inherently less vacancies at that level, there’s a need to promote from within to retain staff and there has to be a clear business case that you will be bringing in new work to cover your costs and then some - rather than stepping into a ready made role and delivering that.

Depending on your sector/exact role, it can make sense to broaden out your search into different sectors just to increase the number of job vacancies you’re looking at (it depends on your job though. An accountancy partner isn’t going to get a new job as a legal partner but could move into a finance director role. A food and beverage marketing director isn’t going to become a HR director but might add a lot to a fashion retailer as a marketing director).

Good x

You sound amazing. I am sorry to read your updates.

Job hunting aside, do you a have access to BUPA/Employee Assistance or something similar? It might be worth talking to someone, even just to get your feelings out and feel heard to a stranger who wont feel like your DH might in this situation.

It can’t go on for ever. Trust me. I’m sorry to say even if you break, it can’t go on for ever. I’ve been in your shoes and probably will be again. Something g always changes and you may lose something you thought you couldn’t afford - but you can because change of some kind is inevitable.

im single with kids, so I get it (breadwinner pressure) but: as you aren’t, why can’t your spouse step up? They might never earn as much as you do now but why does that absolve them of ALL responsibility?

are you the same at work? What I’m seeing here is your tendency to take responsibility for others lack of work or even just third party circumstantial stuff. Somewhere somehow EVERYTHING can’t be uour responsibility.

I would sell up if that’s an option
it also gives the option to relocate

How is he applying for 50 jobs a week?
I was made redundant last month. It takes at least a day to tailor my cv and write a cover letter for each job I am applying for.

OP if you are a partner I assume you are paid a decent amount?

If I were you I would start saving as much as possible every month and giving myself a deadline to leave this job in 6 months and retrain to do something else if there truly are no longer opportunities in your field for someone of your age.

If you stay in this job you will destroy your mental and physical health and if you keep just applying for the same jobs and getting nowhere nothing will change.

You could also look at starting your own firm if that is a possibility in your field.

Sometimes we just need to accept that we have reached a turning point and that drastic change is needed.

I am 60 and just moved to a new sector. No one asked my age. What they focused on were my leadership skills and my attitude to change. I have been here a few months and they value my different perspectives from a career in another industry. Oh and they pay me more than I earned in my previous role. You can do this but you need to think laterally and be open to different ideas. get on LinkedIn and start applying for roles where you meet 50% of the requirements. De-age your cv and your LinkedIn profile.

I presume you have a big house if you're a senior partner. What is stopping you from selling your house and properly downsizing? That's what I would do. You'll get ill otherwise and health is the only thing that really matters.

I am 55. I was made redundant last month. Like you I was pretty senior, in a professional role.

I am a lone parent. I have quite a few months wiggle room and if I haven't found a job commensurate to my skills I will have to do ANYTHING even if I get shouted at.
Thankfully only one twit responded with a "gosh, I wish they'd make me redundant then I could kick back and relax" when I told them of my situation.

I hope you find something OP. It's all so dehumanising.

I’d get your cv redone and reword it , I’d also tailor key works from the job description as well, I was In a job, I hated , not ideal but I went off sick for a month , proper job hunted for what I wanted and put time in each application, I ended up with five very good offers which was a pain, having to decide, but a nice pain , but these days it’s all about hr will sift cvs as they have so many and look for the key words in the job description, give it a try, could you maybe go off sick if you get paid for a few weeks ?

If you are applying for 50 delivery jobs then you don’t need as much tailoring as if you are applying for 5 higher positions different fields

I don't have a huge house. I have a three bed house in a grotty part of London, which my partner and I both contribute to the mortgage on. I could sell it, but I can't leave London for another four years because of my daughter's schooling.

I could sell if push came to shove, but I'm not sure that solves anything. I'd be paying more in rent than I would in mortgage with less to show for it.

I would suggest that if an 18 year old with good qualifications is applying for 50 jobs as a delivery driver a week and not getting any further he needs some careers advice.

@limescale

Thankfully only one twit responded with a "gosh, I wish they'd make me redundant then I could kick back and relax" when I told them of my situation.

I know. I don't mean to snap at people but when people say "nothing is worth this" and "your health is more important", I have to grit my teeth.

The people who trot this out usually aren't the people whose jobs actually keep the show on the road. It's not that simple for some of us.

@limescale I hope you find something soon thats deserving of all your skills and experience 💐Redundancy is a horrible thing to go through for anyone.

Quite. In a way it's probably easier for people to understand my situation. I can just remind friends that I am a single income household with a dependent teenager.
Anyway, I don't want to derail your thread. I wish you all the best.

What age is your daughter and where are your family based? I know you say you cannot take your daughter out of school, but actually you absolutely can. Perhaps move areas and completely pivot life to a better, more sustainable future adventure.

Thank you. In my favour, having experienced life stuff (divorce, bereavement, illness of parents) I do have the skills to not let myself get too blue. It's bloody hard some days though.

I'm in London. My daughter's in year 10 and I'm absolutely not moving her until she's through her GCSE's.

Depending on how she does in these I could consider it at A level but that's absolutely not happening in the next two years.

@limescale

Quite. In a way it's probably easier for people to understand my situation. I can just remind friends that I am a single income household with a dependent teenager.
Anyway, I don't want to derail your thread. I wish you all the best

Thank you and the best to you too.

OK, so grit your teeth for the next four years, and when things get really bad keep reminding yourself of the happy future you will have when you downsize and move out of London.
Seriously.
There is no future in your industry. You have to accept that huge changes to your life and lifestyle are on the way.
So it is just a matter of how you can best handle the changes and go with the current, not keep holding on by your fingertips, trying to simply jump into another job just like your current job but with nicer people.

Start documenting all abuse you receive at work - times, dates, names, exact words said. Hopefully you won't need it, but it pays to be prepared.

Cut back on the work you are doing - delegate wherever you can, and when it gets to a sensible 'clocking-off' time just leave everything to the next day. Then the next day leave what is left to the next day, and so on. Don't work weekends.

Keep a track of your hours, so that when people moan and shout at you about work not getting done, you can give them the evidence that you are working a just and fair amount of hours. Stay calm and professional, and keep notes.

I don't know the law about partnerships that well - does it mean that as a business owner you are not entitled to redundancy? If redundancy is a possibility, that is what you should be aiming for. Otherwise is it possible for you to be 'bought out' of the partnership?
If you can get a big lump sum to help you through the next four years until you move house, it might make all the difference.

@Thelaughingtonepoliceman Snap away and get angry. That is a completly ok and normal thing to do. Strangers on the internet and all that, but some of us have very thick skin and we agree with you.

Its a crap situation to be in due to the cost of living, terrible job market and an employer that treats someone of your value and experience badly as they know they can get away with it.

Hold on to that anger, it will keep you focused on why you need to keep applying and networking.

You are amazing and somehow holding together all of the strands that you have to on top of a crap job. I promise there is something out there for you

My heart really goes out to you.
I’d probably start by seeing whether your transferable skills could help you cast a wider net in terms of jobs you can apply for. Senior level usually comes with a fair bit of management or strategic experience — there’s likely more you can use than you think.
Cold emails are awful (I hate that part too), but sometimes they do work.
And yes, ageism absolutely exists. As others have said, it might be worth tweaking your CV so recruiters don’t write you off before even speaking to you.
I’m really sorry you’re being shouted at, that’s such a bad sign of a stressed team and a failing work culture.
Could you perhaps reach out to old colleagues or LinkedIn contacts? Maybe even look into remote roles as they’re often more flexible and a bit less ageist in practice.

Bless you thank you