Someone reassure me there is life after this

[Thelaughingtonepoliceman]

I'm early 50s, in a job which for years I enjoyed but now I hate so much its starting to make me unwell.

The reason it's got worse is: a) it's a founder-led business but the founders sold out but are still locked in for a while, have clearly lost interest so are barely involved to support others and resent having to do any work but bully and blame people when things go wrong and b) our industry is in a horrendous state and winning new clients is incredibly difficult so holding onto clients is the only real impetus so we're forced to do things which are humiliating to hold onto them. It makes for an atmosphere which is paranoid, backstabby and horrendous hours.

I desperately desperately want to get out but can't get out. I've applied for nearly 50 roles in the past six month and got virtually nothing: three responses to my applications and one interview, not progressed beyond those initial stages.

I'm very senior (partner level), degree educated, have 30 years of employment behind me in two careers and have been with my company for 10 years. I've AI-ed up my CV. I've worked my network into the ground and found nothing. I realise I'm probably too old but on paper apart from my age should be fairly employable.

Reducing hours or going part time isn't an option, financially, unless I do something really drastic (sell my house) so I'm stuck with this until I can either find a job or get made redundant. My partner works but earns a lot less than me so he can't take the brunt of this.

I'm also not one of these people who's dying to retire. I love working, I want to work until I die. I'm angry and scared and utterly drained working in an environment where my skills are worth so little and working for people who treat me like shit is doing a real number on my health but I'm apparently now stuck until I get fired or retire.

I know I'm stuck in a bit of a doom loop at the moment and presumably eventually something will come up but at the moment I can't see it. Can anyone out there reassure me that this isn't it for the rest of my life?

Thanks. I'm doing a lot of that at the moment. Sadly none of it is sticking. Presumably eventually something will come good. I'm just finding it hard to see how that will go.

I empathise.

I'm in similar situation as you, looking for work mid 50s professional and can't get a thing...applying for loads and getting nowhere not even an interview.

Trying not to panic as I need to work asap and it is a very tough market.

Not much advice but you are not alone.

It sounds to me like it is the old founders who are creating the poor working environment. Can you not speak to the new owner and simply have them put their own person in sooner to manage the company before their is nothing left to manage? Or tell them you will step up to do it?

@Zebedee999

It sounds to me like it is the old founders who are creating the poor working environment. Can you not speak to the new owner and simply have them put their own person in sooner to manage the company before their is nothing left to manage? Or tell them you will step up to do it?

That's exactly right. The company was created by two people who have made enough money now that neither of them needs to work but are locked in via key man clauses. They have always been hard driving but it used to be a "work hard, play hard, be rewarded well" culture: its now shaded over into a management style which is just unpleasant and frightening. They both don't really want to be working, they both believe that everyone who works for them is incompetent, stupid and lazy and the way they try to motivate people is to harrass them and get on their case to make them step up.

It's always someone's "turn" every week to be on the shit list: it's often triggered by something relatively trivial and it will turn into a campaign of harassment so everything you do will be wrong and will merit a bollocking until the next person fucks up and their attention moves. It's terrifying when you're in one of the shit lists: you feel like you literally can't breathe without being shouted at.

It's the worst of all possible worlds: there's no support and guidance so a lot of us, including senior staff, aren't in the loop about what's going on. But they also watch us like hawks and micromanage things like how we send internal emails. Really minor etiquette mistakes, such as the tone with which you sent an internal email, will be raked up at reviews and prompt internal bollockings. I was taken in for a bollocking last week for a, short, politely worded, professional and completely innocuous internal note I sent to my team members telling them I was stepping out for a dentist's appointment.

We are losing a lot of clients but it's always "our" fault (as in the workers) for not working enough.

It's horrific.

Yeah I’ve done all the sums on this too - not in London but near my kids school - if you’re lucky enough to own and can house your kids it’s vanishingly unlikely that mucking about with that is going to help cash flow.
but - I have found, and friends have found, that a drop in salary can hurt a lot less than you think if it comes with a change in lifestyle. Work at a high level coats a fortune. Not just in tax, though that’s a lot - a drop of £x is actually only a drop of 60% of x and if you can get out of London commuting costs that’s another huge chunk - I bet you are spending more than you think on your horrible job itself

@Newstartplease24

Work at a high level coats a fortune. Not just in tax, though that’s a lot - a drop of £x is actually only a drop of 60% of x and if you can get out of London commuting costs that’s another huge chunk - I bet you are spending more than you think on your horrible job itself

Possibly. But there's no way I'm moving until my daughter's GCSEs are done. Unless I literally had to.

X post. I’ve had exactly that.
im sorry OP. It’s shit.
I too was in a declining industry with a bullying management style and rotating shit lists.

Are you paying school fees OP? What year (s) are your kids in?

Yes. One kid, year 10. I'll get her through GCSEs and probably move her to state for sixth form. Unless I think she's going to get a scholarship.

DH was made redundant last year, it is very tough atm. He was senior too and over 50. He applied for well over 200 jobs and from that had about five interviews. So soul destroying. He has a new job now, which of course we're grateful for, but it's a big step down. We've had to cut back, but we haven't had to sell the house.

Don't give up looking! It's hard but it's not personal. The market is hard for everyone. Don't write off other stuff you could transfer skills to!

But also brainstorm with DH. What could you do to enable a job change? What cut backs would be possible and worth it to you to get out of this awful situation? Could he get a better paid job? Could you do two lower paid but lower stress jobs? Lodgers? Would selling the house really be so bad if it gave you a better work life balance?

But also brainstorm with DH. What could you do to enable a job change? What cut backs would be possible and worth it to you to get out of this awful situation? Could he get a better paid job? Could you do two lower paid but lower stress jobs? Lodgers? Would selling the house really be so bad if it gave you a better work life balance?

I'm not married and my DP earns about a third of what I do. We have talked about him moving jobs but I don't think his earning power is enough to allow me to really take a step back. It wouldn't be a quick process anyway.

As I've said already, I'd sell the house if I absolutely had to but I think it would probably be a false economy: I'd have to be in this area for the next two years minimum because of DD's GCSE's. In order to live in the part of London I live in I'd be paying much more in rent than I do in mortgage so I'd just be swapping one financial headache for another but without the benefits of having equity and with all the risks of renting.

Sounds like you have to hang on in there till your child gets to uni or wherever

it’s 4 years - well already less

make a calendar and mark off the days

use the time to plan you life when you throw in this job - you have been in a good job you should be able to retire then - that might mean live off pension / savings and do some volunteer work in an area that excites you or take a low pay but fun job

once you have discovered you can just walk away in 3.75 years time you might manage better

Yep. I think if I can hang on here for 3.75 years that's probably the best option. I can put up with the shit if I know there's life at the end of the tunnel.

If I got a nice redundancy payment that would help. The nightmare scenario is getting a really shit redundancy settlement in the next few months which doesn't tide me over for that long and I end up having to sell up in the middle of my DD's GCSE's. Hopefully it won't come to that but who knows. I'm just praying that doesn't happen.

I am starting to plan for a life after this but it's very hard to find the time on top of my job. I'm working with a careers coach but I usually don't have time for the homework she sets me.

Once you have decided to leave you might find it easier to do less one way or another - you have less to lose , those people matter less - although that is hard if you have team members relying on you

get your spreadsheet going and work things out

Could you start your own business? Then you can work as long as you like and enjoy your work again.

Possibly. That's a long-term gameplan. I can't afford to take any significant financial risk in the next two years but post GCSEs that might be a route to explore.

In theory but if I work less I will get fired or managed out. As it is they don't think I work hard enough.

I work for a drug and alcohol agency and we regularly take people on in their 50s and beyond . Plus 50s is not old and that’s not the reason - I suspect you have got alot of experience and some employers worry about that - they want people they can mould so make sure you are putting on your CV that you are very adaptable to new roles adaptable to change we’re looking for a fresh challenge et cetera et cetera. I would also take my date of birth off the CV.
The job market is a bit stagnant at the moment but hang in there you will get something. Also try a different sector. Lots of employers are looking for transferable experience.

Out of interest, do the owners have to make a certain amount of profit for a prescribed amount of time for the new owners to complete the terms of the sale. Are any other key/senior people tied into a similar bonus? If not, what is the incentive for the senior team to put their all into something when it's the original owners getting all the reward? When the original owners walk away, what is left for the business? Is anyone taking it on? If you're at partner level, you should be getting a bonus for helping achieve their final sell out deal, and you should be playing a part in what comes after they finally leave. Can you book some time in with them to discuss?

This is excellent advice.

If push comes to shove you should be able to access your pension at 55 (there will be an actuarial reduction though so not to be taken lightly). You can then hopefully afford to find a lower paid job with less stress and responsibility.

Also, go off sick and stay off for as long as you can whilst being paid. You’re burning out.

It's a good question. I'm not party to the terms of this but I know the founders are locked in for at least another year, possibly more. No one else is tied in in a similar way. We were acquired and its possible that after they step down the acquiring business might strip our business and keep it running with a skeleton team. None of their plans have yet been shared (with me anyway) and it will probably depend on market conditions, ultimately.

To answer your question, there is no major incentive for people to stay. I'm in a curious situation because technically I am senior management but I'm actually kept out of the loop on major decision making and treated like a junior (because I'm not one of the founders and not part of the "club"). I'm paid pretty well and almost certainly more than I'd earn at an equivalent job at an equivalent business. But there's no major financial earnout or goal for me. I think they pity and look down me because they think I'm not Billy Big Bollocks enough to earn the kind of money they've earned. But I'm a useful person to have around because I'm pretty good at my job, I've been around a long time and I know how things work and they know I need the money.

The main thing that stops people leaving is the job market, I think. I'm fairly sure a lot of my peers are looking around but its desperate out there.

Nah. I'd never work again if I did that.

I can't afford to burn out.

Definitely move your child to state for 6th form. That will take some of the pressure off. I don’t know what part of London you’re in but there are excellent Grammars accessible from S/SE/N .London.

Sympathies OP, I'm senior and a similar age but getting employed in your fifties as a women is incredibly hard. People with doctorates are half my price... I think the economic downturn is very real and people are also conscious that making someone over 50 redundant can be pricey. And I really don't think that this idea that all women in their 50s are menopausal mayhem goblins does us any favours.

I was employed in my late forties as a "diversity hire" but the organisation went into administration. I've been self-employed since with bits and pieces but it's precarious so I'm applying for other roles too. No joy so far.