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Original poster

I've finally made official complaint against colleague

160 replies

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 09:34

I have a very difficult colleague, I am management, she is not. She has constantly undermined me and made the office atmosphere very toxic. This has been going on for 2 years now. HR have been trying to manage out of the business for a while now but she is clever enough to go as far as the line without crossing it. Yesterday she contradicted me at a whole company meeting and accused me of lying. I have full support of management and have documented proof that she is wrong. she continued throughout the day and went to many people in the company accusing me of lying. Management witnessed this and advised me to make an official complaint As we speak she is now in a meeting with HR who will present her with a written warning. I have moved myself to another office it the building but i will be alone with her for the remainder of the day and I am almost sick with worry over it. Any advice on how to manage this situation? Thanks

OP posts:
Katiesaidthat · 07/03/2025 12:41

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/03/2025 12:15

@Diamond68 download a voice recorder app onto your phone and have it ready to start recording if she comes into your office or attempts to speak to you!
I know it is illegal to record another person but it might safeguard you.

It isn´t illegal to record someone in a conversation with YOU, it is illegal to record other people´s conversations...

chocorabbit · 07/03/2025 12:43

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/03/2025 12:40

Surely this is a disciplinary issue. Find the policy and make HR follow it

If this is right please listen OP!

Thunderpants88 · 07/03/2025 12:44

Polish up your shiny backbone.

Take the next step. If you don’t and have to keep dealing with her for the next 10 years you are likely to regret it. You have witnesses, the support of management and this women is choosing to make your working life deeply unpleasant and difficult. You do not deserve that.

Finish what you started.

You’ve got this

BobbyBiscuits · 07/03/2025 12:46

You shouldn't have to be alone with someone who's openly bullying you and you've made an official grievance.
Tell manager either she must be told to WFH or you will.

blueshoes · 07/03/2025 12:47

valder · 07/03/2025 12:29

I hope it all works out for you OP.

I had a dreadful feeling of deja vu reading your post. I too was a manager (retired now at last!) and also had a very difficult member of staff who was a bully. I have to say I was very upset over it all and found I was actually gobsmacked and turned into a stone with the lack of action on my part. Shock I think!

Anyway, one day I just had enough. I straight to her face said "you are a bully, bullies are cowards, stop right now". I left the room and went to MY manager. I laid it on the line and said "Hi Mike, I have something to say, I am NOT working with that person ever again. I don't care how you do it, but get her away from me or I'm taking it further." I was white in the face. He knew this person was a total Bi"ch, but was one of those who wanted to keep the peace and for everyone to get along.

What some forget is that bullying doesn't only happen from senior to junior, it is prevalent the opposite way too.

Within a week (I cowardly took a week off sick) she was gone somewhere else, a satellite office two miles away. Never heard nor saw her again. I don't know how Mike did it without her taking him to the cleaners via HR but he did. Bless him.

I am retired a number of years now and that episode remains with me to this day.

Good egg, that Mike. Glad he saw through all that crap and did the right thing for the people that matter.

Loloblue · 07/03/2025 12:51

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I have dealt with similar. I would put the grievance in. Keep your chin up.

PlanningTowns · 07/03/2025 12:54

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 11:56

i have the full support of my boss. I am going to raise the grievance,

One thing… grievances always have unintended consequences. If management support you that’s great, but do think about it, grievances are stressful for all involved. I’m not saying you shouldn’t just understand what you want to get out of it (an apology, for her not to undermine you again, for her to follow the code of conduct and stop undermining you etc).

Original poster
Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 12:57

@Whitestick I do wonder if they are trying to put the hard work on me. My gut is telling me they are. However, I don't follow through and the same carry on continues, they I will regret taking the opportunity when I had the chance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 12:58

@Thunderpants88 😂I am polishing my shiny backbone as we speak!

OP posts:
Original poster
Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 12:59

@valder We could all do with a Mike. like that. Sorry you had to go through all of that, its not a nice feeling.

OP posts:
wildthingsinthenight · 07/03/2025 13:00

Good luck OP.
Hold your nerve.
Don't make eye contact and act like she isn't there unless it will be detrimental to your work.

Original poster
Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 13:01

@PlanningTowns You're exactly right. What i want is apology and for her never to undermine you again and for her to respect me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 13:02

Thanks to everyone for the advise. This page has been a godsend this morning.

OP posts:
Coffeeandbannans · 07/03/2025 13:04

I've been where you are and it destroyed my self esteem and made me question everything about myself. We managed to manage her out eventually but I feel for you, I really do.

Good luck for the rest of today.

Original poster
Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 13:05

@Coffeeandbannans Thank you, Sorry you've been in the same boat.

OP posts:
Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 07/03/2025 13:15

I don't understand why this isn't gross misconduct on your colleague's part. She should be out the door.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 07/03/2025 13:16

Go ahead with the grievance and get her out. If she apologises, she will not mean it and later on you'll be faced with her behaviour again. People like this don't change.

JohnofWessex · 07/03/2025 13:22

I forget what its called but I think its loss of trust and confidence in an employee

Sounds like thats the way to go given her behaviour

JFDIYOLO · 07/03/2025 13:23

Why should YOU be feeling sick?

Sounds like she's done a number on you.

You've done the right thing, followed the right procedure.

Staying away from her today is wise.

Staying around others in case you need witnesses for any 'behaviour' today is also wise.

Find things to do - meetings, 1-1s, calls, project work to keep you mind off her.

Cool, polite, businesslike, impeccable manners and language all the way.

That will reflect very well on you.

Hope your day's going ok.

tsmainsqueeze · 07/03/2025 13:29

HundredMilesAnHour · 07/03/2025 09:36

Is there to a way to avoid being alone with her? I think that you need to make sure there’s at least one other person there.

Absolutely this and your managers should make sure of it.

AlertCat · 07/03/2025 13:30

Yes- bear in mind that SHE accused YOU, in public, of lying. That’s really serious. To accuse you of lying in your professional capacity is even more serious- couldn’t it be slander?? So don’t feel bad about taking this further. She is so far over the line that to paraphrase Joey Tribbiani, she can’t even see the line, the line is a dot to her.

tinseltitss · 07/03/2025 13:32

Good luck OP, I know how it feels to be in this position.

JFDIYOLO · 07/03/2025 13:33

I have a very difficult colleague ... She has constantly undermined me and made the office atmosphere very toxic. This has been going on for 2 years now.

Now she's publicly and repeatedly accused you of lying.

What a bunch of absolute WIMPS you work with /for.

Despite the fact she's created a toxic atmosphere for two years they've done naff all to deal with her.

Now they're trying to pile the load of performance managing and behavioural consequences for her into your shoulders?

Tell them exactly what she's been doing and the effect it's had on colleagues, morale, team spirit, productivity, and how long she's been allowed to do it.

And she has now been repeatedly slandering your reputation.

Get statements from supportive colleagues if you can.

Present that to them and ask if they really think it's your job to make that decision??

They are passing the buck and ducking out of their responsibilities.

Original poster
Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 13:37

I have taken note of everyone's advice and i will go through it at the weekend. you are all so supportive. I'm very appreciative.

OP posts:
Nmeshed · 07/03/2025 13:37

JoyousPinkPeer · 07/03/2025 10:22

Nonsense. Are you HR qualified?

Show quote history

Where I used to work to my knowledge at least two people were dismissed on the spot and frogmarched off the premises. One of them didn’t even have time to collect his belongings (was too ashamed to come back in and get them). One of them was for misconduct so they were immediately suspended pending investigation and I don’t know about the other I just witnessed the outcome. At that job you could be sacked on the spot for swearing at a colleague.