Page 2 | I've finally made official complaint against colleague

Avidreader12 · 07/03/2025 10:53

If HR has been trying to manage her out of the business for 2 years and she is still causing trouble, disconnect emotionally you sound to be over worrying if you are a manager. Let HR go through the process and yes keep your interactions with her minimal today.

senua · 07/03/2025 10:56

I have moved myself to another office it the building but i will be alone with her for the remainder of the day and I am almost sick with worry over it. Any advice on how to manage this situation?
What are you worried about? She's the one in trouble.
If she says anything start - very deliberately - making written notes.

Original poster

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 11:19

Thank you all for your replies. HR have just asked me if i now wish to commence a grievance procedure. They have asked me to think about it over the weekend. They can't advise me one way or the other but assured me that I have their full support as any evidence required is there. I'm unsure what to do now. They have told me that if she approaches me today for anything other than an apology then I am not to engage and that if she does apologise it is for me to decide whether to accept it or not.

OP posts:

senua · 07/03/2025 11:28

I'm unsure what to do now.
In your OP you said, "I have a very difficult colleague, I am management, she is not. She has constantly undermined me and made the office atmosphere very toxic. This has been going on for 2 years now."

What on earth are you hesitating for!?
Speak to your manager / mentor.

Original poster

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 11:33

@senua thank you for talking sense. My head is all over the place.

OP posts:

senua · 07/03/2025 11:45

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 11:33

@senua thank you for talking sense. My head is all over the place.

You can do this.💪You have support, make the most of it.
Good luck.

Original poster

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 11:50

@senua Thank you!

OP posts:

SummerInSun · 07/03/2025 11:54

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 11:19

Thank you all for your replies. HR have just asked me if i now wish to commence a grievance procedure. They have asked me to think about it over the weekend. They can't advise me one way or the other but assured me that I have their full support as any evidence required is there. I'm unsure what to do now. They have told me that if she approaches me today for anything other than an apology then I am not to engage and that if she does apologise it is for me to decide whether to accept it or not.

This sounds to me like HR is trying to signal to you "please make a formal complaint against this women as we want to get rid of her but can't otherwise". I'd chat to your own boss - not on email - to check you will be supported (ie that they want to be rid of the troublemaker too), and if so, raise the grievance.

PrincessAnne5Eva · 07/03/2025 11:54

100% you need to file that grievance.

Chuchoter · 07/03/2025 11:54

Do not avoid eye contact. Do not run away and hide.

She tries to cut you down because she saw you as getting in her way in order for her to rise in the company.

You're not going anywhere and she has to be put in her place.

Do not appear tense or worried and do not engage if she tries to bait you.

Be professional and speak to her only when you have to.

Do not try and be her friend as a means to soften her. She hates you.

Whitestick · 07/03/2025 11:56

Why is it a grievance rather than a disciplinary procedure?

Original poster

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 11:56

i have the full support of my boss. I am going to raise the grievance,

OP posts:

Original poster

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 12:02

@Whitestick I really don't know. That was the feedback I was given by HR

OP posts:

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 07/03/2025 12:05

If you don’t take it further, nothing more will happen. It is so frustrating when people / HR know that there is a problematic colleague but because no one will put anything on record nothing can be done.

If you’re happy there is evidence you can call on, if you’ve kept a log or other people have witnessed poor behaviour
for example then absolutely get the grievance in! Two years of toxic behaviour should not be rewarded.

Whitestick · 07/03/2025 12:05

I would have thought a manager making a complaint about a subordinate would be disciplinary. And a subordinate making a complaint about a manager would be a grievance. But could be different in different industries (I'm a teaching union rep).
Be careful that HR aren't trying to put the hard work onto you!

NowYouSee · 07/03/2025 12:06

I would strongly challenge your HR team in this. If senior management are supportive this should be a disciplinary matter for them to lead on, not require you to raise a grievance. Are you in the public sector - that’s the only place I’ve known tied themselves in knots like this with grievances against obviously poor behaviour?

MiniCooperLover · 07/03/2025 12:10

They are basically saying to you (without being able to say to you) now is the time to do it, don't lose the momentum.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/03/2025 12:15

@Diamond68 download a voice recorder app onto your phone and have it ready to start recording if she comes into your office or attempts to speak to you!
I know it is illegal to record another person but it might safeguard you.

OffOnOurHols · 07/03/2025 12:16

Whitestick · 07/03/2025 11:56

Why is it a grievance rather than a disciplinary procedure?

This.

Be careful OP. This is a disciplinary and should be dealt with as such.

BubblePerm · 07/03/2025 12:18

An additional safe guarding for if she approaches you: get your phone to record in case of any abuse or allegations afterwards.
Good luck.

pikkumyy77 · 07/03/2025 12:18

Diamond68 · 07/03/2025 11:19

Thank you all for your replies. HR have just asked me if i now wish to commence a grievance procedure. They have asked me to think about it over the weekend. They can't advise me one way or the other but assured me that I have their full support as any evidence required is there. I'm unsure what to do now. They have told me that if she approaches me today for anything other than an apology then I am not to engage and that if she does apologise it is for me to decide whether to accept it or not.

What would an apology even mean? If it isn’t a written apology and published rather widely it would be absurdly meaningless.

I would pursue the complaint. She has escalated and made the situation absolutely toxic for you. There is no repair possible.

valder · 07/03/2025 12:29

I hope it all works out for you OP.

I had a dreadful feeling of deja vu reading your post. I too was a manager (retired now at last!) and also had a very difficult member of staff who was a bully. I have to say I was very upset over it all and found I was actually gobsmacked and turned into a stone with the lack of action on my part. Shock I think!

Anyway, one day I just had enough. I straight to her face said "you are a bully, bullies are cowards, stop right now". I left the room and went to MY manager. I laid it on the line and said "Hi Mike, I have something to say, I am NOT working with that person ever again. I don't care how you do it, but get her away from me or I'm taking it further." I was white in the face. He knew this person was a total Bi"ch, but was one of those who wanted to keep the peace and for everyone to get along.

What some forget is that bullying doesn't only happen from senior to junior, it is prevalent the opposite way too.

Within a week (I cowardly took a week off sick) she was gone somewhere else, a satellite office two miles away. Never heard nor saw her again. I don't know how Mike did it without her taking him to the cleaners via HR but he did. Bless him.

I am retired a number of years now and that episode remains with me to this day.

anyolddinosaur · 07/03/2025 12:31

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld It is not generally illegal to record another person without their consent. It may, probably will, be illegal if you subsequently try to play the recording to other people. However if you use your recording to make notes of what was said you can then use the notes. https://lawhive.co.uk/knowledge-hub/litigation/is-it-illegal-to-record-someone-without-their-consent-uk/

JoyousPinkPeer · 07/03/2025 12:33

senua · 07/03/2025 11:28

I'm unsure what to do now.
In your OP you said, "I have a very difficult colleague, I am management, she is not. She has constantly undermined me and made the office atmosphere very toxic. This has been going on for 2 years now."

What on earth are you hesitating for!?
Speak to your manager / mentor.

This is spot on

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/03/2025 12:40

Surely this is a disciplinary issue. Find the policy and make HR follow it