Teams meeting - side chats and smirking

[SarkyMummy]

Advice please. In a teams meeting today two of my ‘subordinates’ appeared to be messaging each other on the side - both were laughing/smirking at the same time whilst I was speaking, whilst looking at their screens. I have concerns about the performance of one of them and whilst the second is performing well, they are resistant to taking direction from me. We’re working on a tough project and I don’t feel great about my leadership of it recently so this happening has made me feel really paranoid. How do I address the apparent behaviour professionally? I do feel like I need to nip it in the bud. Very grateful for any thoughts!

Me too. I can't stand all this 'you work with me, not for you'.

Whoops I used the wrong term.. I meant micro aggression; think exaggerated facial expression i.e., eye rolling, excessive frowning..

They need to be careful - I have known embarrassing incidents of people adding comments to the wrong chat during high profile meetings.

Yeah, I didn't like the way OP described them either. Your team, your direct reports.... perhaps?

I may be jumping to conclusions but maybe somehow the way you view them reflects in their behaviour towards you?

You can address the smirking and side chats as a manager. "Hello X. During meeting I saw you do this. Do you mind telling me why that was about? I was taking about Y and it was really important so please listen next time.

As to their performance, you need to manage that separately.

I think that’s a very dated way of looking at management. You don’t have to be a social leader, but you can’t look down on people either.

Calling me a subordinate isn't looking down on me, it's stating an honest truth that can be confirmed with a quick glance at the org chart.

I have experienced this with 2 of my staff.
it was obvious they were messaging each other and smirking whilst in my team meeting. Not about me though they are a pair of bullies who like to gang up on other team members who they feel are weak.
i chose to ignore this as how can you prove what they were doing. I knew they wouldn’t admit it and would just say they didn’t know what I was talking about.
instead I addressed other behaviours that I can prove and had evidenced and generally have nipped it in the bud.

That is absolutely hilarious 😆😆😆

I have referred to myself and the rest of the team as a minion to the boss… no-one minds!

I don't really get the chippiness around "subordinate". Yes, I am subordinate to all the people above me on the org chart. Organisations have a hierarchy and that's what it means. It doesn't mean I'm a lesser person. It's just a statement of fact.

Just ask them questions do they have to pay closer attention during the meetings. Maybe allocate information for them to present

Like someone said upthread, this is not Victorian Britain, and no one should be calling other people subordinates. Just refer to them as colleagues. Very clearly everyone knows who is the boss/manager and who isn’t, and everyone knows their roles in any said organisation. The majority of people spend most of their waking lives at their jobs, at least they can be addressed a little more respectfully, rather than in such outdated and discourteous way.

What’s honest truth got to do with it? It’s just shitty outdated terminology. Just call each other colleagues.

There's nothing wrong with using the word 'subordinate' (especially in inverted commas, on an anonymous chat board 🙄) - it's just shorthand for the reality of the situation. Which doesn't mean all the stuff written by other posters about how everyone in a team is important and in fact those doing the work could be more important than the manager, etc etc.. isn't also true.

OP you've been given some good advice on this thread about addressing the performance and trying to let some of this slide. It's hard though, I hear you. I manage a team of around 15 and have one particularly difficult 'minion' ( 😛) who is on a PIP and very hostile.... it's all fine and dandy as long as the balance is right in a call with the rest of the team there as there's a good atmosphere and all goes well. But it only takes the balance to shift slightly and their ability to change the dynamic can be significant.

I also find it bloody exhausting being the 'teacher' sometimes and having to be the one delivering the dull news about following the hybrid work policy, don't forget to complete the engagement survey, etc etc.... sometimes I'm just not in the mood for any of it!

Of course it’s not ok to use that term. And condescending and dismissive. It’s very telling when someone uses that term in relations to others.

Well I'd also use words like "superiors" to describe my boss and his peers - but I don't think they're literally superior to me, it's just a shorthand. And I'm capable of not being permanently offended or taking everything literally.

You work in an area where rank and authority are not highly relevant and I am guess not in a blame culture organisation. In some job someone ranked on the org chart mattered.

From who was obliged to pay for the team dinner to who could upgrade a flight to first class.

In the OP's situation if the project fails blame starts at the top. So once bloke A did his job he cant be blamed for the task failure of bloke B and management failure by the OP.

It's hypocritical to pretend the hierarchy is not there. It might depend on the workplace though. In my case, I don't work 'with' my superiors so why pretend it's anything else?
Calling someone a subordinate doesn't mean you look down on them either, you're just being honest.

We have a team meeting each week and sometimes this happens, my boss calls them out on it, quite rightly so I think.

He usually says something along the lines of 'Sarah and Emma you seem to be finding something funny that's clearly not related to the meeting, can I have your full attention please'

You will lose all authority if you unseal what people have a reasonable expectation to be a private conversation.

Respect is earned, and don’t attribute to malice what could be incompetence (or something else). I had a student (new) who was inappropriately smiling etc during our first teams meeting. Turns out they were just very very nervous. They left with an excellent MSc, got a high powered job, didn’t like it, came back to do a PhD with me.

And, of course, never use a work system to discuss how useless your boss is…

Yes, I just think this is so much clearer. Direct. No nonsense and appropriate in a work setting.

But. Is it something men can do (accepted patriarchy) and yet women STILL cannot afford to do - and ironically especially to other female colleagues - at the risk of being seen as "school teacher-ish".

This from someone who was once accused of "Being like a Headmistress" by someone who I very much saw as an equal... but whom I was leading for that particular project.

@masterblaster - totally agree. Never break that 4th wall. Allow privacy. People need to vent and feel they have space to do so. Unless it involves criminal behaviour or domestic abuse, I'd never want to look behind that email privacy / Chat privacy

I’d even say “seriously criminal behaviour”.

Within reason I don’t care what you do in your private life, as long as you can do your job, and aren’t (for example) DA, CA, or a mafia hitman. TBH their skill set is a bit different to mine in any case.

Any possibility of going back to the office and do it face to face? Seems like advantage taken and unprofessional from them. You could also say their messages are recorded?

@masterblaster - the trouble with drawing lines on criminal behaviour is one (wo)man's serious is another's turning a blind eye...
the law isn't keen on complicity.

But I agree in principle, I think.

Certainly re smirking in Teams meetings - or random whispering in lectures - although then it is far easier to just call them out on it.