Teams meeting - side chats and smirking

[SarkyMummy]

Advice please. In a teams meeting today two of my ‘subordinates’ appeared to be messaging each other on the side - both were laughing/smirking at the same time whilst I was speaking, whilst looking at their screens. I have concerns about the performance of one of them and whilst the second is performing well, they are resistant to taking direction from me. We’re working on a tough project and I don’t feel great about my leadership of it recently so this happening has made me feel really paranoid. How do I address the apparent behaviour professionally? I do feel like I need to nip it in the bud. Very grateful for any thoughts!

You could have said 'people I line manage'

I call my underlyings thing 1 and thing 2 - they love it.

I love the way people make up their own definitions of perfectly innocuous words

Oxford English Dictionary
subordinate (to somebody) having less power or authority than someone else in a group or an organization

It does not mean the same as the word 'colleagues'.

Subordinate is a perfectly good word to use, it’s in the dictionary for goodness sake. It made it clear to me that you’re not their direct manager but that your position is of a higher level / rank. I would just deal with the underperforming one like you would anyone else and maybe they'll get the message. It’s rude but there’s a chance you misread the situation so I would leave this particular incident alone. Most of us are someone’s subordinate, I’m happy to be one 😂

I wouldn’t raise it. You can’t prove if they were and if you say it, you’ll make the gulf between them and you even wider. As irritating as that behaviour is, I’d focus instead on how you can all, as a team, help to make the project(s) run more smoothly. And I say this as someone who brought specific constructive feedback to a team member recently and had it backfire. So hope you can avoid the same mistake as I made!

That is right.

They were being extremely rude and unprofessional to say the least.

Reading micro expressions is subjective, and they are easily, and often, incorrectly interpreted. That actually sounds really dictatorial

So if these were face-to-face meetings around a table, would all these 'side-chats' be ok?

And as they are not as senior as the OP what can you call them to make it easier to follow?

It's really wierd that people are saying: they don't like you and don't provoke them and make it worse. Even better: make the meeting less boring. (It's work - there are boring bits. That's why they pay you!)

Colleagues are being rude and unproffesional. Allowing and ignoring the disrepect will not make it better. They are at work. They should act in a certain way.

I don't know the best way of handling it. Personally i would go for the direct approach. "You appear to be distracted and it's slowing us down. A bit more focus would be great." Sort of thing.

But most posters are thinking the tail should wag the dog.

😂😂😂😂 This! It sounds like they were mocking you/ something you said 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

It’s very easy to misread faces on a teams call. Inonce had feedback from a colleague that she could tell I was really pissed off with their team’s lack of productivity by my face on a call, I was horrified as definitely was not remotely annoyed on the call and at the most would have been checking some emails during that call (and forgetting to arrange my face) so she had completely the wrong end of the stick!

You’re just assuming they’re definitely talking to each other and if so, definitely talking about you. They could just as easily happen to be independently having a jokey message to other people, or talking to each other but nothing at all offensive/disrespectful about you. Assuming the worst will only make you miserable!

I find it really hard to concentrate during remote meetings but I am good at my job. I actually prefer to have camera off as find it really straining ensuring my face is arranged as a “pleasant polite listener” as I absolutely have resting bitch face so would be accidentally doing “unprofessional micro expressions” as per PP, the whole call if I wasn’t focusing on it.

I think you should just give them some grace, assume the best and focus on if they actually perform in their roles and contribute when required.

If you are working on a tough project and you are worried about your leadership, then you really need to have your ‘subordinates’ onside. People always perform better if you are positive and encouraging.

They save the side eyes and comments til afterwards and chat about it in the smoking area.

It’s very easy to misread faces on a teams call. Inonce had feedback from a colleague that she could tell I was really pissed off with their team’s lack of productivity by my face on a call, I was horrified but also knew that I was just checking emails during that call so she had completely the wrong end of the stick!

And face to face. I was once at a HV-led support group for women with severe PND. At the end of one session one of the leaders came over to me and said "we could tell you were really shocked by what was discussed and just to let you know we will always follow up on any safeguarding issues that are raised". She obviously thought I was concerned about something one of the women had said but I had absolutely no idea what comments she was talking about.

@DragonfliesAboveYourBed you must have resting shocked face haha. That is better than my resting annoyed face. I actually find it very tiring to keep my face looking serene, so much so that if I am looking appropriately serene I’m probably not actually listening anymore as arranging my face is taking all of my attention.

Make the next meeting face to face.

I would ask each of them individually to come and have a chat with you.

1. I would ask them how they thought the meeting went.
2. Ask them for feedback on how they think the project is progressing in general.
3. Tell them you noticed they seemed very distracted during the meeting and that they were on their phone a lot. You are concerned about this as the project meeting is important, their engagement and focus it is important and it was distracting for you and others in the room. You need to see them engage more moving forward.
4. Ask them if there is anything they would like to share with you. How are they feeling about work etc.

Essentially, you are making the point that you have noticed and that you weren't very impressed and you don't expect to see it gain. If they do it again, you can be guided by their actions and respond accordingly referencing the discussion. Write notes afterwards. Depending on their responses you may wish to summarise it an email or not.

With the colleague whose performance is a concern - is that being addressed with them already? Is this behaviour part of the performance concerns and if so you might want to have a more structured conversation in that context.

In my experience when people start being disrespectful openly you do need to address it swiftly.

You might also consider reaffirming how you expect meetings to be run - all phones off the table/into a basket - no emails etc and everyone focus on the issues at hand. You might also generally check in how people are feeling about the project and see if there are any underlying issues for your team that could do with addressing. Good leadership always involves curiosity and listening.

Good luck.

Definitely try and do a face to face.
if this is impossible - just call them out next time.
”am I missing something amusing?”
” Or something you’ve spotted that I’ve missed you’d like to go through”
them: “no why?”
” just feels like there’s a side conversation going on- am I wrong?”

I think make the meetings more interactive so they don't have time to be distracted and messaging about unrelated matters.

There’s no reasonable expectation of privacy but monitoring needs to be fair and proportionate.

A manager assuming a smile or glance was about them isn’t either of those things and could easily be made up by a manager who’s just being nosey/vindictive esp if there’s no disciplinary investigation or allegations of gross misconduct. It’s also not the best use of IT resource pulling data for every minor spat

Whatever’s in those messages, it probably wouldn’t be enough to sack either person and it’ll be even harder for OP to lead when they’ve shown they have zero trust in their team. You lead by bringing people with you, not lording your power over them.

The next time you see one of them looking shifty or smirking on the call you could say 'oh are you wanting to come in there Sarah'

Ah yes, the inverted comma, instant protection from accusations of being an eejit.

This happens on my team chats. When my manager is talking 2 of them are always obviously chatting personally on teams and smirking. It annoys me as it's so obvious. I don't think it personal against my manager if that helps. Could you start giving them tasks to do for the meeting to keep them engaged. Failing that speak to them about it, say you have noticed it and expect them to stop or ignore it and carry on with the discipline of the underperformer

Why? I work remotely so I'm not allowed to have a little office gossip with anyone ever because it has to be through Teams and an insecure manager might, some time down the line, go looking for something to be annoyed with me about? Lovely, sounds ideal.

Could it be you’re seeing something that’s not there because you know whey don’t like you much. You can’t be sure they are having a side chat, their facial expressions might be them sharing a mutual feeling of how the meetings going