Teams meeting - side chats and smirking

[SarkyMummy]

Advice please. In a teams meeting today two of my ‘subordinates’ appeared to be messaging each other on the side - both were laughing/smirking at the same time whilst I was speaking, whilst looking at their screens. I have concerns about the performance of one of them and whilst the second is performing well, they are resistant to taking direction from me. We’re working on a tough project and I don’t feel great about my leadership of it recently so this happening has made me feel really paranoid. How do I address the apparent behaviour professionally? I do feel like I need to nip it in the bud. Very grateful for any thoughts!

Last thing you need is for your subordinate to undermine you. I'd address the performance for one of them first, make them aware they are not performing at the expected level, involve HR if you can so it's all proper. For the second one, you need to find concrete examples on how their behaviour affected you/the team/the team culture, tell them the impact and talk to them about it. Don't make it like a personal attack, but again you need concrete examples.
For both of them, once you have given them feedback, see if their behaviour and performance changes, if not you have to raise it again. If nothing changes, go to HR to take the next steps.

Unfortunately in corporate you need to fight assholes within the rules. If you make it about feelings you look weak.

There are no connotations to that word.
In work, if you manage somone they are subordinate.
But god bloody forbid we use the right words and thus upset those who think all is equal everywhere and because they don't like it.

I would keep asking questions proactively e.g. 'how is XYZ project going', 'do you need any support' and keep reflecting to the team how the project is progressing and raising any issues/challenges in a matter of fact (non-judgemental way). There's nothing you can do about the chats you're not part of.

It seems like they already may not be fond of you, if your working on a team project do you really want to pull rank and make it worse? It depends on what kind of working relationship you want to have I guess' but unless they are being rude or disrespectful I wouldn't make things awkward for yourself.

But god bloody forbid we use the right words and thus upset those who think all is equal everywhere and because they don't like it.

No. It's more like this:

My team are not my subordinates because they aren't less important than me. My whole team does a job, and their part of that is as important as mine. I just happen to supervise them. Considering that they do more of the actual work than I do, their absence would be noticed quicker than mine. If I have to, and normally I just say 'team member' or 'Fred', I use 'Fred, who reports to me' or 'Fred, who I supervise'. It's subtle. I actually think in many ways I work for them, managing their time, making sure the workload isn't too onerous, making sure shit rolls uphill.

You might think that's poncey or pathetic. But it works better than OP's method. BTW I'm happy to manage out if required, and have difficult conversations with underperforming team members. But the traction people get to bitch about that reduces when people see you as fair, measured and supportive unless something is very wrong.

@Huckyfell

"I call my subordinates minions, is that allowed?"

I would quite like to be called a Minion - it sounds rather affectionate…

If my line manager called me a minion, I'd fall off my chair (she'd be much more likely to call us "subordinates" - and 100% thinks of us as that... )

Love it 😆😂

Oh I'm very affectionate 😂

I agree.

I think if I was the manager here, actually in that meeting I would have immediately said,

Oh Miss X are you okay? Is there something that you want to add to this or discuss? No ? Right okay?

What about you Mr Y? No? Okay - oh well let's move on then.

just so that they were being called out on it immediately in a public but polite way, if there was something they wanted to contribute they could - but they would then hopefully feel sufficiently aware that their behaviour was so obvious they wouldn't be doing it again.

If they did it again in the next meeting, I would ask to have a chat to them about it individually and separately after the meeting and explain why it really wasn't appropriate and ask whether what they were discussing was relevant to the business.

For one misplaced chuckle in a Teams meeting? I'm assuming you're joking? 🤔

I think if I was the manager here, actually in that meeting I would have immediately said,
Oh Miss X are you okay? Is there something that you want to add to this or discuss? No ? Right okay

This kind of thing sounds OK in theory, but if your relationship with them isn't great to start with you are very likely to look like a snide school teacher, and that will only make them worse.

I agree. If you can genuinely ask them to add an area of their expertise, that would do the same job but also make them feel a bit shit about being unkind if they were. "Fred, I know you did some great work on [insert thing you were talking about], anything I've missed?"

If you're wrong about the side chat, Fred feels good. If you're right, Fred feels mean. Win/win.

Yes those are both fair points Mrs P and Moët. Trickier than it looks!

I'm afraid you work with some nasty people, OP. Unprofessional, too.

Could you deal with them separately (ideally in person) and then update the whole team in writing?

I had something similar when new to a job. Eventually as I earnt everyone's respect in fact it was brought to a head not by me, but by their peers, who pulled them up on their behaviour. So others respect for me saw me through the isue.
But as others say performance manage them, and if that means getting shot of one or the other then do it.

They are her subordinates - grow up.

I do agree that 'noticing' things in the moment can be important. But tricky.

Ask them a direct question while you think they are distracted, that always works for me to get people 'back in the room'!

Out of the mouths of babes.

One of my colleagues brought her son (around 7yo) in briefly one day, introduced him to her manager and he said ‘Are you the one that makes my Mummy cry?’ To be fair, she was but none of us knew where to look!

They don’t need to. They do however need to be professional.

I would speak to them in a “it may not be the case but this is how it came across via teams” approach then set teams etiquette about being fully present and engaged.

That said, I have full gif conversations with a colleague involved in one particular project. That’s because we’re working with some very senior idiots. We make sure we don’t reveal it on our faces but do try to test each other. I’m usually so professional but that meeting needs survival techniques.

Yes they are subordinates. Nothing wrong with the term.
Personally I call them “ma bitches!”.
But only to their faces.

The underlings are smirking??? The bastards!
you’ll have to do it the old fashioned way, earn their respect and run a half interesting meeting.
Confronting someone about their demeanour on a screen is only going to end in tears for you. You’ll sound unhinged as they’ll deny everything and say they’re were making notes or similar.
My shithead bully of a boss once tried to ‘deal’ with how I had ‘behaved’ in a meeting - an in person meeting- because he thought I wasn’t taking him seriously or some such nonsense. He sounded like such a loon that he ended up on a managing people course…

From a more practical POV prepared a question or two to ask them directly during the meeting, that should keep them a bit more focussed in future.