Brother and girlfriend copying my business?

[jimbojool]

I’m feeling really upset and conflicted about something and could use some advice. My brother and his girlfriend have decided to start the same type of business as me—selling women’s fashion, shoes, accessories, and scarves online through TikTok Shop. I haven’t told anyone about my business I’ve kept it to myself and my family because I had a hard year and wanted to keep this to myself and work on it for myself by myself. I only ever shared details about my business with her out of courtesy, for my brother’s sake, so things wouldn’t be awkward in the family when they got together. Now, I feel it’s a bit disrespectful that they’re choosing to do exactly what I do.

I’ve worked so hard to keep my business, my ideas, and my suppliers private to protect what I’ve built. So for her to now step into the same industry feels really close to home, and it’s making me uncomfortable. It’s also hard because I can no longer be open about my business at home, even around my own family, as I feel like I need to keep everything guarded.

To make it worse, my mum—who’s also my business partner—has been helping my brother and even giving him advice, despite knowing how upset I am. When I told her how much this affects me, she said she can’t promise she won’t share certain things about my business with him. I find this incredibly hurtful and disrespectful, especially coming from someone so close to me.

It’s not that I don’t want them to do well; I’ve even suggested they try something completely different. They have no experience in this industry and, honestly, my brother doesn’t even care about TikTok or women’s fashion—it’s entirely his girlfriend’s idea. They’ve only been together for nine months, and while I do like her, I don’t see her as someone close enough to me to justify this.

The whole situation feels awkward and uncomfortable. I don’t want to cause a family rift, but I also feel like my boundaries have been crossed. How do I handle this?

Where did OP say she was jealous of her brother?

You’re right. She said she was upset, felt disrespected, uncomfortable and conflicted.

Lots of people will run similar businesses. Just let them do what they want but keep your ideas to yourself.

The ban is America not the UK. It doesn’t sound like the OP is in America

Oh.... So we are absolutely 100% certain that it won't be banned in the UK, then??

Are you an influencer on tiktok with a store front type thing? If so, I think it's really common for friends to end up doing the same and somewhat piggy backing off each other.

You never know, she could even become a useful contact?

Who knows about the future but the UK government made a statement today saying they don’t have any plans to ban it here so hopefully it won’t happen any time soon in the UK 🤞🏼

You have just proven my point.

No one knows the future but what we do know is that America is gonna ban it because of security concerns. It's just possible that other countries (including the UK) could follow.

Sorry.... I thought you could connect the dots. Didn't know I actually had to spell it out.

But wait.... STOP! The government have said they have "no intentions" of banning it.

That must be why I feel all warm and fuzzy and reassured now!!!!

Op you sound lovely. Keep being the kind person you are. You may need to be open with your mum and say that you might limit the things/ info you share as you want to preserve your relationship. Your mum just probably wants to see her kids do well. She may even suggest you and your brother go into business. Deal with that when it happens.

Of course anything is possible but it appears extremely unlikely to happen here anytime soon.

Anyway, back to the point of the thread…

I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time OP - you sound really lovely and I hope you can come to a resolution with your mum. As others have said, I’m sure she just wants to see both her children do well, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair for her to pass on your confidential business information. Good luck with your business.

Why did you tell the gf anything "out of courtesy"? What was the need?

Wow! You ok, Hun?

Pass agg or what!

This unfortunately happened to me when my SIL set up the exact same business a few months after me...

It's downright disrespectful and shows they do not care about your feelings nor the effect it has on the relationship. Building a business is hard enough without "family" knocking holes in it.

Your mum is going to be leaking info about you, your business, what you are upto etc so my advice is to be guarded and give nothing of any value away otherwise it becomes "fair game" and they will likely copy or try and rain on your parade.

You have my sympathie because it'll be the elephant in the room and affect family relationships.

Omg, what if they ban Mumsnet next!!

No-one knows the future, right...

At least then we wouldn't have posters who hijack a thread and turn it into conspiracy theories, such as 'The UK gov may ban Tiktok at some (distant and theoretical) point in the future'.

Don't bother asking if I'm ok, I saw the way you patronized another poster in the guise of concern - here's me calling you on your pass agg behaviour

So sorry @jimbojool - that’s shite of your family

protect your business, buy out mum and keep things quiet and private going forward

Im sorry, but if you want to keep going with the business you need to remove your mum from the business. You will just end up trying to sell the same stuff to the same people.
You need to run your stocks low then desolve the company and start something else. That or be honest with your mum about the conflict of interest and buy her out. If you can’t do either of those you will need to do the admin and don’t give her access to anything.

OP, I'm not even gonna try to advise you about the business side of your dilemma, as I know zero about that subject, well certainly not enough to help you more Han the other educated posters.

I think your post is more about the disappointment you feel, after creating your business, putting in hours on end of hard work, making it as clear as you could that this business of yours is your "baby", and you've trusted a few close people to share.

Now you have discovered that your mum has discussed your business with your db, it no longer feels as special as it did.
You love your mum, and your mum loves you and your brother equally, and so this situation has arisen, it seems, from her with to treat both her children equally.

It's particularly galling (I imagine) that you perceive your db, not even to be all that interested, it's his girlfriend of nine months that seems to have the enthusiasm, and bit between her teeth.

Whether you can do anything about it, I'm at be possible, but then, I think that is upsetting you, as it will show that you no longer trust your mum, and it may well cause a rift that you don't want either.

I don't think there is an answer that will meet all your worries.

The only other thing I can think of , is for you to start up a different business altogether (hard given the work you've already put into your current venture), and tell NO ONE about it.
It won't quite be like starting anew, because you have gained a lot of business acumen in your journey so far, and those skills are invaluable, and transferable.

I probably can relate to you, as essentially, I am a very private person, and while I'm happy to see others succeed, I'd be the same as you are, that your private (as you thought) venture has been compromised by the emotional connection you have with your family... AND it's pronto even your brother that will benefit, coz if his relationship with his "new" (nine months is very little) breaks up, she'll take all that knowledge with her.

For all the reasons above, I feel you are NOT unreasonable to be upset, as I can see it cause even more problems than you've initially outlined in your op.

Hope you find a solution, and one that doesn't cause bad feelings.

I don't envy your tasks ahead in decision making.

Stay strong.

Sorry, some of that will not make sense, as bloomin autocorrect has substituted various words, but I hope you get the gist.
🥰

Perhaps the fact you are 'kind' means they know you won't kick up shit about the situation. So do as they please.

I do think you sound unreasonable.

firstly selling on TikTok may be profitable but it’s generally not the place for carefully curated products and originality. You don’t have ownership of what is such a widely used platform geared towards mass consumerism of low quality goods. It’s no surprise others want in on the action.

secondly you made the infamous decision to mix personal/family and business and unfortunately this is one of the key downsides. If you had an external business partner outside of your family, there may be contractual obligations involved - they certainly would be more professional and not share the intricacies of your business with others. However when you work with family, that level of professionalism can dwindle because of the familiarity. Your mum has an invested interest in your brother. She’s happy to share everything with him, regardless of her responsibilities of being your business partner.

you would be better off severing the business relationship and finding someone else, if this bothers you.

This!

My DH started selling a certain thing on eBay. He made a new friend and told him all about it, as the guy was asking, being friendly. Then this guy went out and started selling the exact same thing, became my DH’s competitor. It’s best to keep these things to yourself.

It’s great that you’re doing well OP but dropshipping on TikTok is not “unique” no matter how carefully you choose the products.

It’s a huge market. Another seller shouldn’t really impact you. And TikTok sales are about having the personality to attract followers and to inspire sales.

This means that their business may look and feel very different to yours, even if you’re in the same market.

Your mum is being fair by wanting to help your brother. You need to ease your mum out of your operation now and ensure she doesn’t have information about your purchases or contacts. That prevents her from being conflicted and means your legwork won’t be handed to your brother on a plate.

You might feel disgruntled that they want to do the same as you but in fairness, you obviously got the idea from seeing someone else do the same. Re-selling stuff on TikTok is new money for old rope - but you still need to have the right skills. They might be shit at it.

I’d also be working on finding new products/contacts that your mum doesn’t know about. Use this as an impetus to keep things fresh and to keep doing your research to stay one step ahead.

As if by magic ......

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cqx98115rqvo