Brother and girlfriend copying my business?

[jimbojool]

I’m feeling really upset and conflicted about something and could use some advice. My brother and his girlfriend have decided to start the same type of business as me—selling women’s fashion, shoes, accessories, and scarves online through TikTok Shop. I haven’t told anyone about my business I’ve kept it to myself and my family because I had a hard year and wanted to keep this to myself and work on it for myself by myself. I only ever shared details about my business with her out of courtesy, for my brother’s sake, so things wouldn’t be awkward in the family when they got together. Now, I feel it’s a bit disrespectful that they’re choosing to do exactly what I do.

I’ve worked so hard to keep my business, my ideas, and my suppliers private to protect what I’ve built. So for her to now step into the same industry feels really close to home, and it’s making me uncomfortable. It’s also hard because I can no longer be open about my business at home, even around my own family, as I feel like I need to keep everything guarded.

To make it worse, my mum—who’s also my business partner—has been helping my brother and even giving him advice, despite knowing how upset I am. When I told her how much this affects me, she said she can’t promise she won’t share certain things about my business with him. I find this incredibly hurtful and disrespectful, especially coming from someone so close to me.

It’s not that I don’t want them to do well; I’ve even suggested they try something completely different. They have no experience in this industry and, honestly, my brother doesn’t even care about TikTok or women’s fashion—it’s entirely his girlfriend’s idea. They’ve only been together for nine months, and while I do like her, I don’t see her as someone close enough to me to justify this.

The whole situation feels awkward and uncomfortable. I don’t want to cause a family rift, but I also feel like my boundaries have been crossed. How do I handle this?

I think it's terrible of your mum to be honest. If it were a bricks and mortar shop would she have done the same? I don't think so.

I've run a business for 25 years and I have had friends set up their own, sometimes similar businesses in that time. I've been happy to help where I feel it doesn't infringe on my business so in terms of finding out about legalities, HMRC, common suppliers in the industry that are so easily discovered it would be churlish not to. However the information came from me so I had control of the info all the time, had anyone been snitching behind my back I'd take a very dim view of the lot of them.

If you market online people are going to copy you, quite literally, I've had to organise cease and desist letters to other businesses for copying interlectual property, 3rd party venues are rife with copy artists, some damaged my business but the worst perpetrator of this is Amazon itself, they even stopped my supplier supplying me so they could sell uncontested, its not uncommon nad I knew it was a possibility but I wasn't prepared for the damage they caused. So having someone copy a business model or even steal your work,
is as old as time but having your own business partner who happens to be your DM is far too close to home in business she should know that her role as mother to more than one child ends where the business starts.

You need to tell your mum that this is a business of which she is a part, and legally she CANNOT divulge information about your business to other people. She is breaking data protection and GDPR rules by doing so.

@MarkingBad yes, I totally agree.

GDPR/Data protection only really covers personal not business information so unless OPs DM is passing on customer details then GDPR doesn't come into play.

However depending on the legal structure the OPs DM may have a legal obligation to not indulge in activities that harm the business, passing on info to a rival business would come under that. However if she is just an investor with no legal status in the company the OP is not easily covered by law.

I think this is awful of your brother, his GF and your mum. Particularly your mum. Is she an investor in their shop too? It sounds like there's zero chance that they would have set up the same shop if there wasn't the option of getting a short cut via your hard work.

I'd just keep your mum as a silent partner now and don't tell her anything. You need to protect your hard work imo.

If your Mum is a director of your company, then I think helping competitors would be a conflict of interest https://companieshouse.blog.gov.uk/2019/02/21/7-duties-of-a-company-director/

You have a "DM" problem, as they say.

I know all that, but the OP's mum probably doesn't.

Tricky one

I'd be pissed off off with my DB and DM too

Kick your mother out of your business, don't tell her anymore about anything you're doing and grow your business yourself, concentrate on you and yours.

I only ever shared details about my business with her out of courtesy, for my brother’s sake, so things wouldn’t be awkward in the family when they got together.

@jimbojool i don’t understand this logic at all, you owed no one an explanation into what you do. I find it bizarre that she needed to know anything at all. What does it matter to either of them what your business is?! Too late now though

I rarely post on MN. Lawyer and business owner here. Also once had a family member accidentally involved in one business and learnt never again.

OP I am sorry for you. First, is mum a co- director or partner?

Legalities aside, let me break this down for you so you can see beyond the betrayal and hurt. I will be as gentle as I can. OP, you don’t own a business; you have not worked (hard) to build ‘my’ business and all the claims you have made. You and your mum, by your own admission did that together: she brought in some money and helped with admin at beginning. That’s it, unless you had an iron clad legal agreement before mum gave money and did admin, you lost everything the moment you took her own without restrictions etc set up and agreed with her.
so no, this your your and your mum’s business. Your mum sees it that way and rightly so. Even I, being literal, saw it that way from the off. Mum being mum, is being naive and just thinking with her maternal instinct by going to your brother and gf. What mum ought to have done once she realised brother was interested, was to come to you and discuss a family business, sort of an association - yes, mum has a say too as it currently is also her business. Then you, co- business owner could have a view and decide there to join hands- it might not be a bad idea; or decide it is not for you and pay back mum and ask her to stop giving you admin and then , you will ,regain a business as sole owner.

you need to determine if your business can withstand brother’s competition.
you need to consider combining with them if that’s the answer, especially if you can’t pay mum back.

basically, if you take money from someone to help you start a business, your ownership is not fully vested in you until you pay them back in accordance with any agreement you made. It’s why, when I set out to do what I am doing, I flat shared etc and poured all my money into my ideas- hard slog but I own everything myself.

I can understand your mum wanting to share what she’s learnt to help your brother avoid some of the common start up mistakes.

Sharing commercially sensitive information like business strategies and suppliers is another matter. She shouldn’t be sharing any information you’re not comfortable with.

The easy answer if she feels put on the spot is, “Your sister handles that side of things. You’ll need to ask her”. Then you can decide what you share.

You're coming across quite bratty. Its upsetting you your mum has helped and advised your brother, well she's his mum too. You didn't invent women's fashion or tiktok.

There are a few things here.

1. What you are doing isn’t unique, niche or new. You don’t own this space and it isn’t crazy to think others will enter into it.
2. Im sure your brother and girlfriend saw what you were doing, liked the look of it and thought they would have a go. No harm done.
3. if you have the same suppliers and are selling the same stuff then your mother is the problem.

Speak to your mum about boundaries. Buy your mum out - if you can’t then you are overly dependant on her and can’t stop her from helping your brother.

It sounds like you are jealous and a bit miffed at your mum. These are the issues to address.

Get her to sign an NDA - she can help your brother but not share hard won contacts/ information etc.

I disagree with most of the posters of this thread. I feel that your brother and sister-in-law have stabbed you in the back and your mother has pushed the knife in even deeper. No one do you feel betrayed – you have been betrayed!

I think you should call a meeting between the four of you. Set them down around the table tell them all to shut up and listen and then tell them straight how you feel. Demand that they stop trying to muscle in on your business and compete with you, and tell your mother in now uncertain terms that she has taken private business information and giving it to a competitor something which can only harm you. Get angry. Stand up for yourself! Don't let these people walk all over you. I am so sick of women being expected to be nice and be kind when people are neither nice nor kind to them.

I agree and most of the people around me have this same outlook. Maybe aswell they know my nature I’m kind and would do anything for anyone but this I feel like they are taking advantage of.

I am not jealous of my mum, she is my best friend.

No it’s more about trust to be honest.

No I don’t think that - jealous of your brother like you said in your post.

This in spades.

Ohhh and how you gonna handle the imminent ban of Tiktoc?

She is not your best friend she is your mother and also your brothers mother she is a parent 1st hence why she has helped your brother. she has helped you as she is your mother. parents are never best friends. if you wnat to succeed you you need to remove your mother from tye business either do the work your self or employee someone. whats done is done with regards to your brothers business. you need to now concentrate on your own business and make it a success regardless of any competition and family goes back to being family with regards to relationships.