The need to work or not?

[Stumpy54321]

Hi
i recently gave up work with a view to having a bit of a break maybe 6 months or so. Had some health issues and just wanted to reset.
Financially I’m lucky that I am able to do this as I’ve only worked part time since having kids, (they are now grown up and working themselves) I havnt had to contribute to household bills just use my wages as I wanted. I’ve saved quite a bit over the last year knowing I was quitting work. My question is if you didn’t have to work financially would you? Would you miss the work life / home life and interaction with others

Iv had to had to give up work full time to only 16 hours a week. Due to illness. I’m not going to lie, I’m gutted with this. I never thought I would in this situation. 51 and claiming disability benefits. I have always been financially independent but I’m having to rely on my partner more now. I hate it

Of course it will now be a pittance compared to a DH who has continued to work and progress for years. I continued to work and progress and now earn more than my DH.

Not read the whole thread but I think it depends entirely on circumstances.

If you have an independent funding source (very large inheritance, lotto win, or similar) then possibly, but I would NEVER give up work to be dependent on a man.

Regardless of what he says, you will never be an equal in the relationship, and when he decides to have an affair with his secretary, you will lose all dignity and have a big problem getting back into the workplace and supporting yourself.

Of course your DH would never do that to you - but everyone is 'blindsided' when it does happen to them. Given the number of 'lovely', educated, successful, happily MARRIED men that I've had try it on with me in my 20s and 30s, I would never be foolish enough to put myself in a position where I was dependent on a man. I want my independence and the ability to kick his ass out at any point.

I don't have to work but I do (part time) as I really love my job, worked hard for it and don't want to give it up and it breaks my week up. Most importantly though is that I really enjoy it and love the team I work with. If I didn't enjoy it I would consider giving it up if I didn't need to.

I wouldn't give up my job to live off someone else but if I won the lottery I would work but doing something meaningful for myself. So I would set up a charity or a dog sanctuary, etc.

I do understand the different points of view but I personally would not be comfortable living off someone else

I smell jealousy in this

Are you actually attempting to dictate to op how her marriage and home life should be conducted 🤣🤣
Have you never heard of housewives or stay at home mums?
If op and her DH have decided she doesn’t need to work-especially considering her health issues-then no amount of comments from you is going to change that

I can't believe the hard time you're getting here OP. I can only imagine that these posters are younger and still establishing careers and family dynamics. The devaluing of your role raising children and running the home for two decades or so (as well as working part time) is horrible to see here. Our value as a human within a family is so much more than financial. Your marriage seems steady, your dh is fine with the arrangement, and you have access to your own money. Six months off to reset and focus on your health seems like a great plan. If you can't rely on your life partner at this stage of life to help you have time to focus on your health then what is the point of marriage in the first place? It's supposed to be give and take over a whole lifetime. That means supporting each other through tricky situations, times of pressure, health issues etc., and trusting the other person to share their capacities and assets with you, whether that is finances, energy or time. Yes, you are lucky to have it, so enjoy it.

Thankyou. Yeah I was working part time 4 hour days 5 day week I would happily do 2/3days. I keep myself busy enough although it’s nice to have a day of just chilling out walking the dog etc. my only concern is the interaction with others that I may miss

Thank you so much for this. I honestly wasn’t expecting such negative replies to my post and feel the need to defend my marriage and decision.

Would you encourage your daughter to become financially dependent on a husband, because it has worked for you?

I was financially dependent, we divorced, I had to restart my career having been out of the workforce, luckily for me - and to answer your original question - I have been much happier whilst working than during the years I was a SAHM. I get a lot out of the challenge, the sense of reward, and the appreciation from colleagues. But recognise I am fortunate to love my work and have an intellectually stimulating and financially rewarding career. I'm sure I wouldn't always feel this way about work!

However, my experience has taught me that I was wrong to rely upon my husband. I am one of the lucky ones and have been able to restart my career and now outearn him, although he had been a very high earner during our marriage. I will certainly be encouraging my children not to make the same mistake I did.

I don’t think people are particularly attacking your role or marriage, they’re just saying it’s a vulnerable position to put yourself in.

I have a friend currently getting divorced after 40 years of marriage that seemed very stable. She’s nearly at retirement age. He’s being as awkward as he can, despite having millions, saying it’s his money as he earned it all. It’s been a year of fighting so far. Her solicitors fees are £50k so far (with no progress) and he’s stopped all her income and is hiding money left right and centre. She’s going to be ok in the end, I’m sure, but is having a real tough time at the moment.

Exactly.

I’m sure your friend never felt vulnerable either. I’m sorry she’s going through such a tough time.

I commented but not with any nastiness, I said if that worked for them great, but if he left tomorrow would she be ok. I don’t think it’s necessarily we’re all young, I’m nearly 40 and have a good job. However from day dot I’ve never once lived off him, I was always taught rely on no one but yourself. Even on may leave I met my 50% of bills. Anything big I’ve ever wanted I paid every single penny of my own money for it.

My girls will be guided the same, relying on another person is a crazy position to put yourself in. I do think perhaps my generation and younger all now have this approach and honestly it’s a good thing we need our own money not someone else’s. And to live in a house you’ve never put a penny towards would not sit right with me.

Yes, in an ideal world that's all equal and great, provided the husband is doing 50% of all domestic stuff and the mental load. And then stuff happens. When you've raised kids to full adulthood, had challenges of ageing parents, ill health, teenager crises, menopause etc etc, and you've more or less achieved financial and marital stability, your perspective changes. We are all vulnerable to those things - it's not all about financial vulnerability.

Not being financially vulnerable certainly helps though.

Not everyone’s perspective changes.

OK. I don't think the OP is particularly vulnerable though, and she does have health issues and that does often change a person's priorities.

Of course she is if she leaves herself without her own income. Though at least she has some savings.

Well, that's fine, I don't agree but we don't have to agree! It wasn't really what she was asking about and I don't want to derail the thread.

Thank you. The thread definitely has been derailed.

Threads do usually tend to take a life of their own, especially when OP engages with responses.

Like fuck would I work if I could afford not to. But I'm 52 and have been working since I was 14 (part time), and then from 16 full time without a break of more than 3 weeks.