The need to work or not?

[Stumpy54321]

Hi
i recently gave up work with a view to having a bit of a break maybe 6 months or so. Had some health issues and just wanted to reset.
Financially I’m lucky that I am able to do this as I’ve only worked part time since having kids, (they are now grown up and working themselves) I havnt had to contribute to household bills just use my wages as I wanted. I’ve saved quite a bit over the last year knowing I was quitting work. My question is if you didn’t have to work financially would you? Would you miss the work life / home life and interaction with others

We were in a good position financially when we had children so I chose not go back to work after having them. I thought I may go back when they were all at school but our financial situation got even better so I chose not to. I’ve never missed it. I’ve really loved being at home with our children, youngest is now a teen, and it’s allowed me to do things I wouldn’t otherwise have done. We have everything in place though so if anything happened, we are both financially secure.

None of us can look into the future for the good or bad. I always try to stay positive rather than live with what ifs.

Thank you. This is the kind of answer I was hoping for. Do you feel like your sponging of you DH? Do you feel vulnerable? I never felt I have been but going by others replies I should!

Yes I’d still work, me and my husband are a partnership, so unless we can afford for both of us to be unemployed it wouldn’t be an option I’d explore at all.

One can’t see the future but stats of certain scenarios are easily available and it makes sense to consider the most likely ones such as divorce or ill health.

Staying positive doesn’t pay the bills if your marriage breaks down. It might not be romantic but it’s realistic that not all marriages last.

I feel very secure knowing if anything happened, I would be absolutely fine because I don’t rely on him financially.

I’ve never felt I was sponging, no. We are a team and I took care of other parts of the puzzle. Childcare being the main one. By the time our kids were old enough, my working would have made no material difference to OH. If it had meant he could also reduce hours, then I would most certainly have felt that fairer and any refusal to get back to work in those circumstances would have been wrong imo

I suppose I just look back with more experienced eyes and realise that when half of marriages fail, I’d have been up shit creek if I’d been in the other ‘half’!

Yep!

My mum was in her early fifties and her husband left her, half the house and some of his pension was nowhere near enough to buy a property where she was living, it also meant she had to rent for a year while she found work as not only did she need to work to pay the bills etc, she needed employment to secure a mortgage. She had lived in the area for over forty years, so not only was she miles away from her very elderly mother, she was miles away from all her friends as well, where as before she would see them on a very regular basis. She’ll have a mortgage well into retirement.

Haven’t had a full time job for thirty years. Dh and I are a team and he worked and I stayed at home with the children. We lived overseas for 25 years so it was a slightly more complicated situation. Dh retired at 53 and I work very part time as an exam invigilator. We are both charity trustees (different charities) and I also volunteer in a charity shop. Plenty of mental stimulation and frankly nowadays most people get on my nerves so full time work would be quite the challenge.

Not at all. My husband is so lovely that he would never let me feel like this. He has always referred to it as our money, everything is shared and he would never question my spending. He’s always been very mindful of making me feel secure.

He would have been fine with me going back to work if I had wanted, but over the years he has said that he’s glad I chose to be home with our children instead.

On the odd occasion someone has commented negatively about me not working when he’s been with me, he has shut them down and praised my contribution to our life. We’re 25+ years in, together since we were at uni and it works great for us. We both feel very lucky.

I don't have to work but I do.

I enjoy my job, it fulfils me and contributing financially makes me feel good.

Thank you. This is pretty much how I feel. If it works for your family then it’s a good thing. I would also work if I needed to without hesitation. Live is for living and enjoying your family time not thinking too much about things out of our control.

Also never felt I was sponging off dh. He could not have done the job he did without me being at home. All money is shared although not in joint accounts for tax reasons.

Thank you. Same as me. DH does shift work. I went back part time also shift work late nights and early morning around his hours so couldn’t get childcare and didn’t want to either really. Each family is different and we do want works best.

I quit teaching for a while after my mum died, taking a lower paid job in the NHS a few months later. I really struggled with my self respect while I was underemployed and returned to teaching within two years. I wouldn't choose to quit work unless neither of us had to.

You shouldn’t feel either of those things. I cannot believe the responses you are getting here.

You and your DH have chosen how you contribute to family life and it works for you both.

As you get closer to retirement, I would check your state pension contributions are fully paid up and look at your wider pension situation. What would your personal annual income look like as a pensioner? Just for peace of mind really as I’m sure from your posts it would never come to that.

So when you say you have no outgoings, you don't contribute to energy bills, council tax, groceries, clothing, keeping your car on the road, socialising, gifting or holidays.

I could never be that dependent on someone else, regardless of whether or not they were happy to do it. It's really hard to respond to this post without being judgemental.

It isn’t all out of our control though. It’s completely in someone’s control to make themselves financially vulnerable.

I was a SAHM and don’t have to work for the income but I did go back to work as soon as my youngest started school. So glad I did, I hadn’t realised how isolated I had become. I had very little adult interaction apart from DH. At times I did feel a bit like I was losing my mind at home alone with the DC. Now I exercise every day as part of my commute. I have lots of genuinely good mates at work. I contribute to a team and every day is different. At home every day felt like ground hog day. I didn’t realise how much confidence I had lost when at home.

Oh and fwiw I didn’t feel financially vulnerable but I did have my own money when I entered the relationship and held onto that in my name only, so although our household was reliant on his income, I knew that worse case scenario (he left me for someone else) I would be ok.

I buy my own clothes and any birthday / Christmas presents. Also car running costs. As I have said I have saved quite a bit that will last well into retirement. But I didn’t ask my question to see who can make me think I could be vulnerable or have been sponging of dh just wanted to know if people would work if they didn’t need to!

Thank you. Yes that’s all ok. And thank you for your positive reply. I have never felt vulnerable or been sponging. I feel every household works the best they can and what works best for them.

Thank you. I have worked all my adult life initially full time then part time. The last few years I have saved, not because I feel vulnerable but as I am close to retiring and I know that will help

No, assuming I had won the lottery or something. I get zero enjoyment from work and only do it to pay bills

We could happily exist on just DH's salary, but I work and have a very demanding, pressured career - I'm a specialist in what I do, enjoy the challenge and take a lot of identity from my career.