What sort of leave? sick leave, unpaid leave or doing the decent thing and resign

[needavice888]

DS needs currently a lot of help due to MH crisis. I manage work with WFH and going to the office some days (my work can in theory be done fully remote). His MH declined and he is now suicidal and I have to provide 24/7 suicide watch. DS is allowed back some hours into school but that is part time only and I need to take him to reception and collect from there to ensure seamless supervision (secondary school). I am not coping at all with any of it. No idea long this will go on for. could be over in a few weeks, My stress levels are through the roof, I don't sleep, I cannot eat, I cannot focus.

I really dont feel able I can work. Would it be unreasonable to get signed off (been at my workplace for many years and haven't had a sick day in years) or should I ask for unpaid leave given I am not ill (though I cannot really afford it - hence the idea of going off sick,). My friend said I should do the decent thing and resign if I cannot effectively work and dont know when things will improve.

I am not thinking clear and I am one of those who never take time off and always soldier on. So could do with some advice.

Your friend is a bitch. Fuck her!
You get signed off.

You sound just like me before I was signed off for four months due to stress. I reached a point where I was completely unable to work and it took months to get me back on track. I’d make an appointment with your GP and explain how you’re feeling, hopefully they’ll be as understanding as mine was.

Wow with friends like that who needs enemies. She sounds a charmer. I cant believe anyone could be such a pitch to a friend who's struggling

I think you'd be perfectly justified in going off with stress under the circumstances. Go off sick, get a line from your doctor and take work out the equation for a while. Don't rush into any decisions. Concentrate on your son just now & think about work later

Err do not listen to your shitty friend, what a bitchy thing to say!

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You should get signed off with stress, seeing as you are stressed, for as long as it takes. Put yourself and your family first. Your employer will be absolutely fine.

Get yourself signed off for now. You sound unwell. Rest and get better. When you are not trying to work too there may be head space to find a different plan.

If the situation with your son goes on and on.....then you may need a different solution. Does he need inpatient help? Is that an option.

Yup, friend is a bitch. That's not the ' decent thing', that's the bend over and make life easy for everyone except you thing.
Does your work have a decent HR team? If so, ask them. They might have a preference, maybe compassionate instead of sick leave.

inpatient would be best but the NHS doesn't work that way. We are where we are because camhs let us down massively and been told no beds. hence the onus is on me largely.

You are ill, stress is an illness and you need to be signed off before you burn out.
Plus your " friend" is no friend at all !!

My stress levels are through the roof, I don't sleep, I cannot eat, I cannot focus.

You are ill, get signed off.

First reply nailed it.

Your friend isn't a friend. Go and see your GP they don't just sign anyone off work.

This is exactly the sort of thing you should get signed off for, I can't believe your friend told you that you should resign. Im so sorry to hear you and your family are going through this. You have all the signs of stress, and you should get signed off.

You are ill.
You see your doctor and get signed off.
You do not listen to your friend who is doing you a wild disservice to say that. She is actually a frenemy and clearly wants to see you suffer more. Imagine the added financial stress and insecurity on top of what you’re going through. Despicable to suggest it.

Not sure if you need another echo but everyone is right. Get signed off with stress and I really hope things improve for you and your DS x

Another one echoing to get signed off.

I had a similar situation with DD a couple of years ago and was signed off 4 months in total.

Sertraline helped me massively, reduced the overwhelming stress enough for me to feel a bit more pragmatic about how to help her.

Wishing you all the best, it's an incredibly tough situation to be in x

You sound overwhelmed which is absolutely understandable given the circumstances. Doctors today, get signed off. Your employer will not want to lose you and I’d wager will only want to help. I’d share with your line manager the cause of the stress if you feel able to - they’ll want to know how they can help. Are there any services you could access via work to help your DS via PMI maybe? any family members share the load?

I’m sorry you are going through this.

I agree your friend doesn’t sound very supportive.

Don’t resign

Go off sick

Look into ‘disabled by association’ with ACAS so you are aware of your rights when you are ready to return to work

You ARE ill, you are stressed and need to look after yourself as well as DS. You can’t pour from an empty pot.

Agree with PP re GP. They usuallly want you to self certify for a week before they will sign you off. But make the appointment for two reasons - to get signed off and to talk about support for YOU eg referral to talking therapy. You need somewhere to offload and be supported.

I think being signed off will ‘give you permission’ in your own mind to be off work. It sounds like you need the GP to legitimise it but you are perfectly entitled to take the paid sick leave under these circumstances.

And yes, your ‘friend’ is wrong.

You 100% fit the bill to be signed off and a GP should do so easily. Hopefully you'll get a month's note initially to give you some breathing space and take it from there - good luck

Tell your friend zero information about your position in all of this. This is not a friend.
Do you work with her?

Signed off sick. See your gp to sign off with stress.

Don't ever listen to that 'friend'. I'm someone who rarely says sign off sick but this is clear cut you need to sign off and not quit. Work need to support you -and if they don't then use what's legally availabke avenues to use. You will need your job in a few weeks/months time and will be worse off trying to find something new with all this stress to deal with on the side. You will need something you can go back into without the new job stresses hanging over you.

Your friend is awful. Ditch her.

It’s associative discrimination in case OP wants to do more research.

Go off sick OP, most decent employers will understand. Ask your GP for a decent chunk of time, as from experience, it’s more disruptive to employers when the notes are an endless string of 2 weeks. They can plan for your absence far better if it’s a month or two at a time.

This happened to us when dd was 15. I got myself signed off. I genuinely was ill with the stress of it all at the time and couldn't work and take care of her.
I dint believe anyone who knew the circumstances would say anything other than that (your friend is wrong and clearly has the empathy of a brick).

Lots of love to you op and to your DS.

100% Sick leave.

Don’t resign! What a bitch your “friend” is for suggesting that.

My manager had an issue a few years ago when her daughter was seriously anorexic to a life threatening extent.

She was signed off for months and literally no one judged her in any way for not being able to work for about 6 months.

Make a doctors appointment to discuss it & don’t listen to your so - called friend.