What sort of leave? sick leave, unpaid leave or doing the decent thing and resign

[needavice888]

DS needs currently a lot of help due to MH crisis. I manage work with WFH and going to the office some days (my work can in theory be done fully remote). His MH declined and he is now suicidal and I have to provide 24/7 suicide watch. DS is allowed back some hours into school but that is part time only and I need to take him to reception and collect from there to ensure seamless supervision (secondary school). I am not coping at all with any of it. No idea long this will go on for. could be over in a few weeks, My stress levels are through the roof, I don't sleep, I cannot eat, I cannot focus.

I really dont feel able I can work. Would it be unreasonable to get signed off (been at my workplace for many years and haven't had a sick day in years) or should I ask for unpaid leave given I am not ill (though I cannot really afford it - hence the idea of going off sick,). My friend said I should do the decent thing and resign if I cannot effectively work and dont know when things will improve.

I am not thinking clear and I am one of those who never take time off and always soldier on. So could do with some advice.

@needavice888 I've been in this position. Get signed off work and tell your sons care team that you are unable to keep him safe and you need them to consider admission.

HR person here. You go off sick and do not feel guilty. When you are feeling better then you can always do a bit extra when busy as a payback.
Hope things sort themselves out soon.

Get signed off as effectively your own mental health is suffering and ditch your friend she is an absolute cunt. Wishing your son the best 🙏

Do NOT resign. I can’t remember the exact amount but by law you’re entitled to a number of unpaid days of leave for each child aged 18 or under. Find out that number and use it if you need to!

Your son is unwell but so are you. I think you should seek support from your GP and be signed off for a month and then review. Please don’t feel you should give up your job of many years at this point. Depending on your firm’s sickness policy you might be able to have the time off that you need and return.
You probably aren’t thinking clearly at the moment and sick leave will give you a breathing space.
I hope you and your son recover and become well.

Speak to your HR or if you have a company helpline. Get it all out in the open and see if they can offer you any options.... Parental leave or something that allows for your family circumstances.

And, get the support of your GP.

The best we would be able to do is 5 days special leave. Most organisations aren’t as generous as us. Parental leave is for children under 18 (rules are set by HMRC, not employers). She’s best getting signed off with stress. It’s true and if her company has a decent sick pay policy (and not just SSP) then that should cover her for a decent period of time. If the GP says no (unlikely) go and see a different one. Make sure that when you are returning to work it’s don’t as a phased return and that your employer will provide ongoing support wrt appointments, short notice wfh etc.

DONE not don’t

This is the reason the option exists to be signed off. If it becomes apparent you won't ever be able to return they'll work with you to build a plan. As a manager, I would rather a great team member took the time and came back than just quit.

I already used my unpaid parental leave. (one of the other DC has also complex needs so needed a lot over the years to get through school holidays).

what leave is 'special leave'?

Speak to your GP. I am sure they will sign you off.

Get signed off.
Also phone the DLA phone line and ask them to send out forms. Once you fill them out it will be backdated to the date you phoned them if sent back within 6 weeks.
DLA is needs based, so you will receive money to support him based on the level of care he requires compared to other children his age, rather than being diagnosis based.
There is a section for someone who knows him such as a teacher to fill out as evidence, and you can send any accompanying proof such as doctor reports, MH reports so on.

First post nailed it as others said

At this exact minute, looking at YOU alone. Get signed off. YOU are unwell. THEN. When you start to improve, consider special leave etc if still required and to protect your hopefully recovered health.

Your friend is at best wrong, and at worst malicious.

If I was your friend I would be driving you to the doctor.

There is also carers leave

Please please get yourself signed off. You are ill and exhausted.

I hate to be the lone voice of disagreement but the law already allows for a situation where your child needs urgent care and you cannot work - it’s called parental leave. Look it up online.

Your job has to be held open for you. You are unpaid so your employer can afford short term cover.

You only need to give a week’s notice. Your employer can’t say no as long as you are eligible in the first place.

You could take four whole weeks parental leave in a block. That may be enough to get you back on your feet.

For the loss of income - credit cards.

HR person here.

OP, you aren’t fit to work.

A very wise person once told me “nothing in your life works without you in it. You must prioritise your health and wellbeing above all else.”

Take the sick leave. Use the space to focus on yourself and your children and reassess when some time has passed. This is too much for one person to manage.

No it doesn’t.

parental leave is planned and agreed in terms of length and timing.

emergency leave for dependents isn’t, but is expected to be short term - a day or so. Not weeks and months.

Most organisations have a range of circumstances under which they will allow special leave. Maybe called compassionate leave or similar

@needavice888 You’re entitled to 18 weeks’ unpaid parental leave for EACH child and adopted child, up to their 18th birthday.

You can have 4 weeks per child per year.

Employer can only postpone yur request and then only if it causes SERIOUS disruption to their business, can’t just decline. I doubt you are that critical to the business are you? Few people are.

I did mistype earlier it’s 3 weeks not one week notice you have to give, but if you said to employer it’s that or being signed off sick they might agree to waive the notice (I would).

erm, yes it does. It’s one of the few types of leave the employer cannot do a huge amount about - they need a really strong reason (“serious disruption”) and then only allowed to postpone. They cannot reject a request if the requestor is eligible. So if the requestor wants four weeks in a block, she asks for it, then onus is on employer to explain why short term cover cannot be arranged.

Although it’s 3 weeks notice not one week as I originally thought (a kindly employer waived the notice period for me when I was on brink of collapse over a medical problem, because I was a valued employee and he was, well, a decent human being luckily enough 😄)

@NaanAnaan

The OP seems to be well aware of parental leave.

I already used my unpaid parental leave. (one of the other DC has also complex needs so needed a lot over the years to get through school holidays).

And you remain wrong in your terminology. Parental leave is planned as you’ve just confirmed above. it’s not really an emergency if you know about it 3 weeks in advance.

emergency leave for dependents is for circumstances which could not have been foreseen and is very short term. Certainly unlikely to be agreed at 4 weeks a year even with the most compassionate of employers.

The OP is concerned about money and under intense stress. If she falls over, her whole family suffers. This HR professional says sick leave is absolutely appropriate.

Oh you poor soul.

You are ill. You are mentally exhausted. As anyone would be.

Get signed off sick.

Don't make your families lives any harder because of your arsehole of a friend.

I have no parental leave left... I took my full entitlement for the year already.

There are far too many people that use the stress card to get signed off. You are not one of them! Get yourself to your GP and get signed off.
And distance yourself for a very long time from your 'Friend'!