Employees's personal tragedies affecting work

[Project2024]

I run a small business. This means every team member has significant responsibilities.

One of the employees has been having personal tragedy after tragedy this year. Since January when he had his first issue, he has struggled to perform. I have given him grace, extended deadlines, given more support and offered to pay for private counseling. The situation has not improved.
In July we had a frank conversation about him needing to pull his socks and try to work through his personal issues- he dwells on them and doesn't seem to be trying to find a way out.

Now things have gotten worse- his mother passed away last week and he has been off work since (as he should)- but I have piles and piles of outstanding work he has not completed that has now become urgent, and I cannot afford to hire an alternative resource. I know when he returns to work after his leave he is going to be in a worse state that we need to manage compassionately.
But how do I balance the empathy and ensuring the business needs are met?

I get where you are coming from but if "compassion" is going to put the business at risk and impact on all the other employees then it may not be the priority for the business owner

@Project2024 is in a Country where she is already being generous to the Employee.

Sounds like they are in a Country where there are zero state benefits and no buffers, where one either works or starves. {Much as UK was pre welfare state}

You can't get blood out of a stone. This poor man is clearly in a position where he is not going to be able to pull his socks up and perform in the way you want him to. So the options to me seem to be long-term sick leave or a period of unpaid leave.

I did not think it would be, and provided it for context only. Thanks for the advice, I have asked MN to delete the comment that details the specific circumstances he is facing.

I know more people are likely to pile on me, but I have also asked myself this question: would the compassion I have shown be different if this was a woman? Would I have considered the passing of a ex-partner and her having to take on full parenting responsibilities to be as tragic and completely overwhelming as I have deemed this?
I am not minimizing the situation at all and understand it has been completely life altering, just wondering as a leader whether this may be a factor in how we gauge situations, and would be helpful to get some personal reflections from other leaders/managers when dealing with their surbodinates' issues.

I don't know where to start with this post.

You should ask for the whole thread to be deleted out of respect for this man and then work on being a better human.

Well I’d have thought so. The impact of the sudden death of the resident parent or a parent doing 50/50 is going to be the same, gender aside.

No i think its a reasonable thing to consider. Its a question often asked on here "how would you respond if a man/woman had posted this instead of a woman/man" When you are in the situation of having to make tricky decisions about an employee which impact the business and have a legal framework, you have to consider all aspects of the situation. I think in this case the OP doesn't seem to have dealt with it any differently because of gender but its always something to be mindful of.

Is it though? Is it really that drastic? Will the company fold, leaving others jobless if this one stricken man is given support?

Or do we automatically put commercial gain above everything else? And should we?

it depends on how much support for how long and what the size of the business is. The issue may not be "commercial gain" but the livelihoods of the other employees and the business owner.

It's hard to not view things through a gendered lens but I'm not sure whether you're saying you think you've been more or less compassionate because it's a man in this case? To be honest though, I think you're at risk of making a complex situation even more complicated by pulling at that thread now. You're in the midst of it and all you can do is try to resolve it in a way that works as best as possible for the person in question and is commercially viable for you. Hopefully this thread has helped with that.

@firebrand123 was wondering if I would have perhaps expected a woman to be more ready to be in charge of parenting responsibilities, and expected her to get on with it sooner rather than I have in this instance. But I get your point.
The thread has been an eye opener for sure, and has also demonstrated the at some people only look at things from a single point of view.
I am giving myself until the end of year before making any decisions. For now I will monitor, support, give clear expectations and offer unpaid time off if possible so I can get an alternative resource.

@Project2024 that may be true, but it's a reality that many men are likely to be less prepared to step into the solo parent role so if you have given him more grace he very possibly needed it (especially judging by how much he's struggling). I think your decision is a good one, I hope you can find a resolution that works as best as possible for everyone impacted by this.

It's nearly always an irritating and irrelevant question and especially so in this case, where the OP is using this man's pain to muse on a thought experiment about her own prejudices. While asking bloody Mumsnet what to do about his employment.

Without going into details, our employees have encountered similar matters that left a huge mark on their personal life. As an employer you always need to have your back up in place in case someone is incapacitated to work for various reasons. In my opinion, compassion with your employee will forge stronger bonds and a better understanding. The question of it would be different is the gender of the person is different, is totally irrelevant. What is relevant is how this person is affected and dealing with his personal struggles. You as a business owner need to involve outside assistance to understand and guide your employee back to a situation he can function in. People have broken down about much less and not everybody can have the same mental load as well. I sense that as you had to deal with some trauma yourself, that you judge his inability against that, but that is not fair for both of you. As such 8 months with multiple tragedies is not too long, he is still apparently struggling to give everything a place and to adapt to the new situation.

@Filamumof9 definitely will have contingencies in place soon. Business still new, and it's really like a new baby, so one has to carefully consider all financial decisions with that context in mind. They say most small businesses fail before 5 years and I am trying to finish year 3 stronger than the last 2- everything considered.

It can be hard on new businesses but it is indeed part of growth, having contingenties in place. As a relative new business, I understand that your business is not currently set up that others can cover for another yet, but that is the best tip re contingenties, make sure that you do not rely too much on the knowledge of 1 person. If they would quit or something else would happen further to them, it is difficult to find a temp replacement to cover. I understand your struggle, but personally I would give him more time and see if he can be guided parttime initially back to work, with assistance of a temp.

OP I don't think it's fair to suggest that this thread demonstrates that some people approach things from a single point of view. Most appreciate that it sounds like a nuanced situation and one that is difficult from a purely business perspective. But some take the view that that business perspective does not trump the need for sensitivity for the human tragedy at the heart of this.