AIBU to be refuse to attend overnight work event 200 miles away?

[Eseedeepee]

A few months back the company I work for was bought. The HQ of the new owners is nearly 200 miles away from my office and home. They are expecting me in 6 weeks to attend a 2 day (inc overnight stay) work event at their HQ. I have a 15 month old who I have never spent the night away from. I still BF and cosleep.

AIBU to say I cannot attend? I don’t know if I am being sensitive as I don’t want to leave baby (or if I did it would be on my terms, for a night away with DH!), but then again is it even reasonable for them to request this?

Would love to hear thoughts!

but during a normal week…. how often in nursery?

I think you should offer to go for one of the two days. I would guess this is one of those sort of corporate get together events that achieve very little but socialising.

I missed that but yes, he takes two days off, does fun stuff with the kids in the day and they share the room at night. Simple. That's what I would do.

i’m not sure she can trust this DH with them given her other thread

I would hate this but I imagine your contract will have some general wording about tasks to support the needs of the business (and they can argue this falls into that category) and therefore you can’t easily say no.

Having said that, a colleague had a similar aged dc and cited the Equality Act and protection for breastfeeding mothers when asked to travel abroad for work. The company paid for her dc and dh to go too.

With it being a change in ownership I would show willing and go those time. You don’t want to be thought of as uncooperative or awkward if they decide to restructure and make redundancies.

Just take DS and DH with you if you absolutely can’t be away from him over night.

Having said that, a colleague had a similar aged dc and cited the Equality Act and protection for breastfeeding mothers when asked to travel abroad for work.

Does that protection extend beyond 26 weeks post birth? (I think that's the period for the maternity protection in the EA, but I may be out of date and/or different criteria for BF)

But it won't be a night away for your child, will it? He'll be at home with his father. Plenty of time to get him used to that.

This is a completely reasonable ask imo, and your reasons for potentially refusing are frankly ridiculous, your child will be nearly 1.5years by the time this event comes around. It's not like they will be left with a stranger, they'll be with their father.

If you value your job/career, just go for gods sake. It's not a huge ask. It's only 200miles away, not a different country requiring a flight etc.

If you were my employee, and refused on the basis you had a 1.5yr old child who couldn't be left with their father, I would really be considering your competency as well as you suitability for the company. Harsh maybe, but I bet they'll view it the same way.

how is it going to affect you if you go and how is it going to affect you staying behind? Weigh up your options before you make your decision. Your children have a dad and from the sounds of it a grandparent round the corner so your family will be in safe hands if you decide to go.

I think people have missed that she’s BFg? Take your husband too?

You'd be mad to not make this happen.

Nope, haven't missed that. Expressing and bottle feeding is an option. The child has a diet of solid foods at this stage, breastfeeding is not a necessity. There is 6 weeks to get the child used to bottle feeding if necessary.

If one of the days is a non working day for you then you have a stronger case not to go. That’s fairly pertinent info.

The child doesn't need to breastfeed though. He's not a tiny baby, there are lots of options.

I kept BF my youngest till nearly 3yo but it was mainly for comfort and a top up morning and bedtime once she was properly weaned onto solid food, I don't remember leaving her overnight but there were times when I missed bedtime because of work and it was OK. I did have to express a bit to relieve the oressure though.

I think this is a reasonable request with decent notice.

If it’s a job you value and want to keep I would make the effort to attend. It’s one night, your DC will be with their father, you can still feed on your return and you might actually enjoy a night away once you get there.

With 6 weeks notice I don't think that's unreasonable at all to be honest.

Breastfeeding at 16/17 months isn't a necessity - they are fully weaned onto solid food (or should be).

Most milk/dairy will come from food.

Before covid I was expected to attend meetings approximately once a month about an 8 hour drive from where I live. I have a disabled child and didn't want to be away from him that long. So my husband and son would come with me and we would get an AirBnB close by.
As time went on my husband and son stopped coming with me.
Then covid happened and work finally realised that all meetings can take place online.

Baby is not a newborn and will be fine

Recent arrivals to the thread - one of the days of the event is a non-working day for OP, which I think is an important fact

I had to leave my breastfed co-sleeping baby for one night at 7 months old, 3 night at 11 months old and 4 nights at 13 months old, all for work.

Honestly it will be fine. They manage without you for a night, even several nights, and then they pick up their normal routine again.

Not unreasonable of them. I have travelled a lot for work and have my daughter who is 18 months bf and co-sleeping. I take her with me, it helps that he dad is sahd and we all go.

Yes but to just not feed at night when that is the comfort is distressing for the child and also painful for the mother. I find expressing doesn’t help.

It’s perfectly reasonable to say no…. But given they’ve just bought over your company is it not in your best interests to show face with your new acquiring company?