Boss refusing resignation letter

[Lou197]

I have worked for a company for about 10 years and have an admin role working for the MD. The company has grown massively as has my role and many people working in the firm don't really know what I do, I started as a secretary but my role has grown so much I am now writing all policies for the firm, managing the risk register, health & safety, IT, recruitment etc. We had a new MD start a couple of years ago, he is lovely but absolutely chaotic which has had a massive knock on effect on me and my role can now be very stressful. I suggested some changes but the MD was reluctant to implement them so although I love my job I resigned as I did not want the stress anymore and was very disappointed my suggestions were not actioned. I gave the right notice but the MD said they did not accept my resignation and asked me to reconsider, said they would implement some of the changes. During our meetings though they did not take any responsibility for the issues or the stress they had put me under, in fact made very lame excuses. I thought about it and just could not face the mountain of work I have to do when I felt so unappreciated and upset I had to resign to get any support offered. So I wrote again saying that I was resigning and my last day is at the end of July. Again they said they do not accept and asked me to reconsider. They have nothing lined up in terms of a replacement so knowing what I do I feel huge pressure to stay on longer, if I were to resign they would have to hire two people as I am doing so much for them, not blowing my own trumpet here but I have just been at the place so long and know how it all works so everything that needs doing gets done very quickly. I am on a good salary, flexible working and have young kids so that is great, and at 48 I am worried I will not get another job on such good terms so it is tempting to stay but I just feel bullied into it and dumbfounded that the MD feels they have power over me by saying they do not 'accept' my resignation. I don't think anything will change - partner thinks I should stay on for a few months to see how it goes but I am just so unmotivated and can't bear going through this leaving process again as I have loved it there it is really upsetting. I have savings for about 6 months so would have some breathing space. Any advice?

The MD needs a short, sharp shock. If you stay, he/she will remain convinced that gaslighting and emotional blackmail work. You've been put upon long enough. This is the MD's problem and he/she can resolve it or not. I would leave some handover notes (only to the level of detail you can be bothered with, given no-one's even asked you for this) and then go. Nothing to stop the MD asking you to return later when it's all gone to hell in a handcart, if that's what you want after you've had some time away from this company.

I don’t understand why you haven’t used their initial refusal to accept your letter of resignation as an opportunity to negotiate much better working conditions for yourself?

You’re probably very good at doing your admin tasks but completely crap at being assertive and therefore poor negotiation skills. Get a friend to help you role play asking for what you need in order for you to reconsider resigning.

Work out what could improve your job and make it enjoyable again as it sounds like a decent place to work overall, if your list of responsibilities was more manageable. After all, it might take a while for you to find something else that would offer the same additional benefits.

They’re going to have to find someone to replace you anyway so why not use that as the opportunity to suggest that alternatively, they could employ a f/t assistant as your junior to enable you to focus on the more important tasks and delegate the less essential parts of the job to your assistant who would also be able to take on some specific responsibilities in due course. Plus of course, a huge increase in your current salary. Win:Win

You don't need their permission. You've given notice so don't come back on the day after your notice period ends. It's not your problem whether they replace you or not.

As said by others you have the balance of power here because they need you more than you need them, however I think you'll have to wield it carefully and strategically if you want a good outcome.
They can't force you to continue to work for them but there may be other ways that they can make life difficult for you going forward if you leave?

You changed your mind once, so they think they can persuade you to do so again. For them, you staying is much easier than them having to find someone (or some people) to replace you.

It sounds as though you are undervalued and unappreciated, if you were serious about resigning then doesn't matter whether they accept it or not. You told them you would be leaving on x date and gave them the correct amount of notice. Just follow up in an email "as per my letter dated xx, my final day of work will be yy."

If you are on the fence and would like to stay and using "resigning" as a lever then you need to enter into negotiations and get some concrete guarantees of what will change that makes the role acceptable to you.

I'm not entirely clear which you want.

Personally I'd go in tomorrow and have a meeting about this.

Tell them you'd love to stay but need X, Y and Z, otherwise you will not be back after the end of the month.

Either they do it, and you stay. Or they don't and you go.

It's up to them then.

Not sure how he has managed to be an MD when he does not undertstand the basics of employment contracts, if you have complied with the terms of your contract wrt to notice period and any other requirement then leave on the day you have stated in your resignation letter. Enjoy....

If their conditions of employment leave them with problems with people leaving then they need to revise/rethinking them. What would happen if you went off sick for a few weeks (heaven forbid) how would they manage?

I agree with @PotNoodleNancy , your employer is banking on you not having the ability to negotiate in your own interests. If you can do this successfully you should be able to get a good outcome.

LIne up another job and then go.

You're an employee, not a slave. You can leave if you want and when you want.

It sounds like you have the sort of skills that are in demand. Find a new job, give notice and tell them exactly when you are leaving. Make it clear that it is not negotiable.

You're not ASKING him to accept your resignation, you're TELLING him you are resigning and your last working day will be 31st July. As long as the notice period is as per your contract here's nothing for him to accept/refuse!

But in your situation I would have secured another job first. If he's so chaotic you could have a problem getting him to actually respond to a request for a reference from your new potential employer

They don't believe you. Have you threatened to leave before (before the instances you have written about) as if you have then they may just assume you are crying wolf as usual. Interesting that you've not started looking for other jobs, that suggests to me that you aren't ready to go and they can obviously sense that as well. Which I can understand but you need to decide what you want to do.

All good advice thank you. Yes they have agreed to give me more money, a new title so it is clear to all what I do and some structured meetings so the directors are aware of risks etc. I have copied HR Manager into my emails, but they cannot start the recruitment process without the say of the MD and they are not sure of what they will be recruiting for as my role is quiet complex so he needs to be on board. But I am just so tired of it all and as one poster said it is messy so feel it is easier to walk away. MD is away until Wed so I am able to go in tomorrow and start to think it through and make sure handover notes are in place just in case I decide to leave. I have a meeting with him on Thursday.

Send a reminder the week before you leave, another on the day to say goodbye to everyone. Keep a copy of your emails so you have proof you handed in sufficient notice.

I have secured references from my previous MD and the FD of the firm so not worried about that.

Have not threatened to leave before but I have been there a long time so it is difficult to walk away.

Personally I'd ask for a big pay rise, a proper title and an assistant of your choosing - sounds like you've got a chance to get what you need here and you can call some shots

What would it take @Lou197 for them to persuade you to stay - promotion (with a much higher salary & better pension), new job title, authority to make decisions and have them carried out, company car, longer holidays, a suitably qualified assistant of your choosing?

If some or all of those would make you change your mind and agree to stay, then go back to them and say that you have done what they asked about reconsidering your resignation. You have considered it, and in order to stay you have decided that if they want to keep you, then they themselves will have to reconsider your role and come up with an offer you find acceptable.

They have been backed into a corner, you know that, and they know you know. Use that lever if you want to.

In the meantime, your resignation and leaving date still stands.

It’s really not. You need to work on your boundaries- clearly you have let them
take the piss and are continuing to do so.

You have resigned, how they replace you is your problem, if they haven’t started the process before you go that makes absolutely sod all difference to you, it’s not your issue.

If you stay now you have absolutely no chance of being taken seriously- start afresh some where new.

You're way to enmeshed with it all.

You have resigned, presumably in the appropriate way, with the appropriate notice. Be more business like about it. Stop worrying about the job title of your replacement hire, or how to define that role. This is not your problem.

Unless you are using it all as leverage.

Just stick to your plans. It's only difficult because you're being too empathetic and worried.

(this all sounds a little harsher than I'd intended! I get that you're conscientious, but seriously, if you were hit by a bus tomorrow, their business would still run. I promise you.)

You sound unclear about what you want to happen "in case I decide to leave".

You've handed in your notice stating your last day is xx July. Them recruiting has no bearing on that. They've offered you various things, but you feel it hasn't actually changed the fact the role is not what you want. So meeting on Thursday, you say thanks but the original resignation stands and your last day is xx.

If that's not the case, and you'd happily stay if x,y,z were in place, then you go into the meeting on Thursday and state that. Thank them for the changes so far, but for you to reconsider you also need .... and you need to have that in writing before you will rescind your resignation.

If nothing happens on that, you simply leave on the date on your letter.

Them not recruiting a replacement is not your problem. You don't owe them anything.

Really I want to leave but as others have said I could work this to my advantage for a few months until I find something else, but I don't want to work with the MD if this is the way he operates.

Consider if you dont leave now then the stress will probably make you ill sometime in the near future. Just because you have been there a long time is not a reason. I left a company after 25 years after a change in management was doing my head in. Got another job and moved onto bigger and better things and better money, never looked back.

He doesn't get to refuse it, you are not asking permission to leave you are notifying them of your intention to leave - what does your contract say about notice? I would send it again by email so that you have a record of it, work my notice (whatever that is) and then leave. TBH the whole 'refusing to accept' your resignation shows how little respect they have for you.

The only occasion I hav, so the employee can be sacked rather than resign.e ever heard of when a resignation has been refused is when disciplinary action that is likley to lead to dismissal is taking place