Disclosed something too personal at work

[Yogablockz]

I am a senior manager in the charity sector. Last week I disclosed some personal information over email to other members of the SMT. The information is about the health of a close family member, and I disclosed it because I need to step away from some of my responsibilities to deal with this personal situation.

no-one has responded to the email. I realise now I over shared and I am ashamed. I don’t use an email programme that allows you to recall emails, and the disclosure is part of a chain of emails with other information in it.

i am ashamed, embarrassed and also if im honest upset that not a single one of my colleagues wanted to offer a word of support. I am quitting this job but i don’t know how to get through the notice period.

any advice? Please be kind

Do you think you would have felt any shame if your colleagues had been kind and responsive? If not then don't let their inability to show human kindness make you self critical. Their silence is weird.

Is it clear who is to be picking up the responsibilities you'll be stepping away from?

If not, that might be a reason for the silence. They might not want to put themselves up for it.

They may not have read it. Honestly, hardly anyone reads emails these days.

Don't be embarrassed though. It sounds completely appropriate what you sent.

They work for the charity sector and they're that cold?? Honestly, you weren't oversharing, just making them aware of your situation. Good luck to you and your family member. I'd be disappointed in those colleagues if I were you.

thank you for the replies.

i asked my colleagues to help with a shared process that I would normally take a lead on. So they might not want to step up but it’s not quite extra responsibility either.

I don’t know why no one has responded. I can only assume they really don’t like me.

Absolutely this. I’m shocked that not one reached out when you clearly need some human kindness. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. The shame is on them entirely.
sending you a gentle hug

Would you have felt they were inappropriate if they had disclosed similar information to you? I doubt it.

They are very likely waiting for someone else to take the lead for taking ownership of the work you can no longer do or else they are waiting to be told how it will impact them. They may be stressed about taking on the additional work rather than thinking of your personal situation.

Either way, it is bad form that none of them bothered to email you back but I do not believe this is any reflection on you.

@FlamingoFloss @dudsville thank you for your kind words. I am quite shaken by this I think. I realise I was looking for some comfort and now I feel very stupid for looking for that in a work context.

This is really common. Someone I knew had to leave work due to health issues, she emailed them and not one person asked or wished her well. She was really upset by this.
It just seems people can't do it for whatever reason. Please dont take it personally.

Is there anyone among the group who is usually honest who you could talk with on a 1.1 basis?
I don't mean someone who fakes being nice, but someone you can say, "did I over share too much about my family member?".
They may just say no and sorry everyone is just busy.

I wonder if, because you emailed a group, everyone thought someone else would respond to you. Sometimes that happens. Whereas if you’d shared it individually, I expect you’d have received a response from all of them.

Does this also mean that no one is accepting lead on the project either at present? The response was shitty from them. A 'I'm sorry you're going through this, but I can't take it on' would have sufficed. Ignoring it is probably because no one wants to do it. It's insensitive of them and I'm not surprised you're upset- I would be too.

@Yogablockz you really shouldn’t feel stupid - not one bit. You have done nothing wrong - you have showed you are human. I’m going through a tough time with my mum at the moment who has been really poorly - I shared this with several colleagues today both by telephone and by work messenger - all responded positively and offered support. That’s what it should be like - a supportive and inclusive working environment and I am grateful for this. It must be awful to have shared your personal information and to have had nothing but it speaks volumes about them. I’m sure you would have reposnded had one of them shared something similar with you

I'm assuming it's because if they 'didn't see it', they don't have to do what was your work.

Either way, something will have to be done.

I'd speak to whoever you report to and once they've sorted it out, hopefully you'll receive some sort of compassion from them.

I expect nobody wants to pick up the extra work and they can’t offer you support without acknowledging the work that needs doing.

Have you actually seen these people in person OP? If I received a group email like this I probably wouldn’t respond by email, as that would seem too impersonal. But I would definitely have a quiet chat with the sender the next time we were both in the office to offer my sympathy and support.

Are you sure it sent?? Seems very odd response

thank you all. You’re making me feel less like a freak. But I still don’t know how to get through the next few weeks. I wish I could just run away and hide.

What miserable mean bastards your colleagues sound.

You don't need to run away. They are the ones who ought to be ashamed, not you.

I think two things. With an email asking several people if they could do something, no one will offer as they all assume someone else will do it. Secondly I would just go off sick until the end of your contract, if you can. You’re right that it’s uncaring for one of them not to have shown concern. They probably didn’t as they didn’t want to volunteer to help but felt if they emailed to acknowledge your situation they would feel they had to offer.

When my father died and I had to take time off for his funeral not one person mentioned it.
Don’t feel ashamed, they are just being appalling people.

If a colleague sent an email like you did you wouldn't think bad of them at all. It is good to share things like this to help others know they can speak up if they're struggling. I had a couple of bad days at work recently and was speaking to my manager and mentioned I had been sectioned a long time ago due to letting things overwhelm me and she seemed to get a bit annoyed and said she doesn't need to know that, made me feel shit and for days after I was like why did I say that!!! but then I thought why can't I talk about it? You're at work for so many hours a week you got to be your whole self and that involves things going on outside your life.

Hold your head up, put your robot version of yourself up and go through the motions, if unbearable then speak to your GP. I hope you receive support!

Hardly anyone reads emails?? Really ??

Also I don't think you should quit. If it's shame you feel (which is what I did) that will go away over time. If you quit you'll always have the same feelings towards it but if you can can you tough it out and in a few weeks time you'll feel differently I'm sure.