Colleague keeps calling me fat!

[Iwonderwhywhat]

Hi- name change for this post. I manage a team of people and one person who I manage makes lots of comments about weight in general. However, each and every week she makes at least four-five digs at me, about my weight!

I’m not particularly paranoid about my weight (5ft8 and size 20) because I know I have gained over the years and I’m working on it. I work full-time and am a single mum to a child with special needs- I’m really just keeping my head above water.

At work, I’m well-respected and am known for being calm and in control. This colleague makes comments like these two little nuggets yesterday:

• Music plays so I “grapevine” randomly to filing cabinet (used to be a fitness instructor teaching aerobics). She says, “You could do with that exercise…”
• Commenting on how tall someone is I say that yes, they’re about two inches taller than me and hold my hand up to show their height. She then tells me that I don’t look tall because they are lean and I am spherical!

In all seriousness, it’s getting me down and it’s humiliating as it is always in front of others.

At the moment, I just say “ouch” and walk off, not in an aggressive way but just calmly. Should I actually take this further?

That's awful Op. You should have an official meeting and have HR present.

It sounds like you have a good plan, OP. Good luck!

You could even say you've had confidential complaints and your not at liberty to say what the comments were just that they were inappropriate for the workplace lol 😆 she will walk out wondering who it was 😆 🤣 😂. Remind her that she's a professional in a professional place, if she could just refrain from making personal comments to the staff you won't take it any further but if any more complaints are recieved it will be taken up the chain of command.

I'd always have a biting comeback prepared.

"I can always lose the weight, Sheila, but you'd need a miracle to fix that nose"...(insert something she's insecure about).

“Music plays so I “grapevine” randomly to filing cabinet”

you honestly sound like my kind of colleague 😍

I'm shocked she's doing this to her manager.

I'd take her aside and privately tell her that all personal comments on appearance, weight and exercise must stop, it's not professional. Tell, don't ask, you're the boss.

Then if she continued I'd work with HR to document it and set in place disciplinary procedures.

@Iwonderwhywhat I’d be saying something like this at our next 1:1 or arranging a meeting and just politely and factually saying it’s not acceptable and to please stop. Colleague needs to understand how hurtful and inappropriate this is.

I'd have to give her a written warning.
It's so far from acceptable behaviour.
Wtaf.

Next time she does it and she will say "that reminds me I need to book you in for the bullying at work training course as it seems you missed it".

Do however make a note of it and raise it in any reviews she has.

Consider making her read the policies, and then sign and date them to confirm she understood them. Make a point of putting a copy in her file as part of the meeting, therefore drawing a line on the past. If she does it again, you have a clear breach and she has no excuse.

I'm a size 20.
I would say "In case you are wondering I am well aware I am fat thank you - you can stop with the hints now."

Sounds awful. Hopefully you can talk to her about workplace respect and bullying policies and stop her behaviour.

You’ve already had at least three nasty as shit comments deleted tonight. Fuck off.

Next time she does it, quick as whip say, 'I'd like to have a word', take her to a private space and say words to the effect of, 'you keep making remarks like this but it's not professional and I would like you to stop'.

Put the fear of God into her, I say!

So what if you're cuddly? It's probably due to stress (cortisol). But even if it was due to doughnuts, she should stop being a bitch.

Take this to HR as her microaggressions is harassment. It needs to stop. You're professional and well presented. That is her problem: jealousy. Report, report and report until this shit is cancelled. Hopefully along with her.

Stay strong and please take love and hugs xxx

This. Her contract will suddenly get a lot shorter.

She's a bitch, and sounds resentful. I'd be inclined to say something like "Fancy still working at your age, isn't it time you retired?" Why IS she still working, by the way?

Age is a protected characteristic. Weight is not. Op is in a managerial position in respect of the insulter. This is terrible advice.

You should say "your husband doesn't complain when I sit on his face!" 🤣🤣🤣

Look her dead in the eye and say, that's rude. And don't stop looking at her.

This is the Work topic

Loving some of these comebacks! But in all seriousness, imagine she was making these comments about someone else in your team, and you overheard. What would you do? You need to do the same! Don’t let her get away with this. She sounds horrible.

Just make unnecessary comments about her. Ask if she has considered a face lift or pick on something on her that looks a bit cheap.