Colleague keeps calling me fat!

[Iwonderwhywhat]

Hi- name change for this post. I manage a team of people and one person who I manage makes lots of comments about weight in general. However, each and every week she makes at least four-five digs at me, about my weight!

I’m not particularly paranoid about my weight (5ft8 and size 20) because I know I have gained over the years and I’m working on it. I work full-time and am a single mum to a child with special needs- I’m really just keeping my head above water.

At work, I’m well-respected and am known for being calm and in control. This colleague makes comments like these two little nuggets yesterday:

• Music plays so I “grapevine” randomly to filing cabinet (used to be a fitness instructor teaching aerobics). She says, “You could do with that exercise…”
• Commenting on how tall someone is I say that yes, they’re about two inches taller than me and hold my hand up to show their height. She then tells me that I don’t look tall because they are lean and I am spherical!

In all seriousness, it’s getting me down and it’s humiliating as it is always in front of others.

At the moment, I just say “ouch” and walk off, not in an aggressive way but just calmly. Should I actually take this further?

God, yes. It's offensive and hugely unprofessional.

“Give it a rest, Sheila. You’re being rude.”

You need to up your 'ouch' to a 'That was rude and unprofessional, please stop making digs at me' - and if she doesn't, take it further.

what a dick!

I would send her a message (teams, email etc) and ask her to stop as she’s been personal and hurtful

do it factually and don’t engage

she is an absolute dick to discuss appearance !

Since you are their manager, I might be tempted to try a
"that was both rude and unprofessional, please keep that sort of comment to yourself in the future"
if it continues then consider some kind of official measure

I would give the following responses:

1. Lets be professional.
2. My appearance has no impact on my ability to do the job.
3. Please only make constructive comments related to work.

Yes you should take this further. She is completely unprofessional and bullying

Well, you could always try the line 'And you're ugly, but at least I can lose weight.' Satisfying, but not recommended.

HR. This probablyis covered under bullying/respect at work.

“Kate, why do you think it’s acceptable in the workplace to make personal remarks about appearance?”

’oh colleague, so is ok to comment on appearances? Ok then, so I’m a bit fat but guess what ? I can lose weight but you’ll always have a face like a slapped arse.’

Thank you. She is being really unprofessional.

I’m still thought of as an attractive woman (ha- glad this is anonymous) and I look really presentable and fresh for work. Maybe she senses that I’ve always taken pride in my appearance and feels she has “something on me” in a strange way because she doesn’t say this to other colleagues.

I don’t look huge anyway! No rolls of fat or inappropriate clothing. I appreciate, however, that that is absolutely besides the point!

I’ll let her know in no uncertain terms that she needs to stop. I just find it all very embarrassing!

OP manages the person so trading insults is not the way to go.

I have certainly dished out a few retorts in my head!

This is bullying. You need to have a framl conversation with her, possibly with HR present as this is bullying. Verbal warning in the first instance. If it doesn't stop you move to move on to further disciplinary actions as per your policies.

Usually jealousy that causes these types of remarks anyway. She must be massively insecure. I remember a colleagues constantly picking on me for my weight - I weighted 9 stone at the time! And went through the next 5 years believing I was large. These women need a swift dealing with. Absolutely tell her in no uncertain terms one more jokey comment and she'll find herself in HR.

I know someone like this, she is totally obsessed with exercise and her own appearance. It's quite sad, overtakes her life. I wouldn't want to work with her and would have to say something clearly and directly next time.

I’m 44 and this woman is 68. I absolutely hate to go there (once again, glad this is anonymous) but it makes me wonder…

I have been the person obsessed with exercise and it is only circumstance (and grief) that led me to put weight on. I’m certain i have never judged anyone on their ability to do their job or their worth as a person in relation to their weight though!

We work with some big men and she never utters a word about their weight- misogyny?

Next time just say 'I'll pretend your not fat shaming your manager this time, but i might not be so kind about it if you decide to dig again'

"Margaret, I've noticed you keep commenting on my appearance. I'm flattered, but you're really not my type"

Thank you all.

The “not my type” comment is very close to being something I’d say!

Next time you have a 1:1 with her you need to tell her frankly and directly that her comments are inappropriate and need to stop. You might also want to document the ones that were made already - what exactly was said, the date and rough time, who else witnessed it.

Why haven't you done the above already?! You're her manager. This is very simple to address. You tell her to stop, and if she doesn't you formally discipline her. You literally have all the power here.

You’re right. Without outing myself, we work in an organisation where there isn’t really HR and she is on a casual contract. I do manage her but she is a bit of a slippery fish!

Urgh, I'm sorry OP. This would really bother Me in your position! Next time, do come back with that sharp reply, then get yourself off to HR with all comments documented so far!

You are the manager.

1. there is no way she should be talking to you like this, and 2. it will damage your authority with the team - if X can talk to Iwonder like that & gets away with it, so can I'.

And never mind you - What's she saying to others in the company?

One to one conversation: X - making comments about people's appearances stops today, it makes you look rude & unprofessional as well as causing others to feel uncomfortable at work.
Here is the bullying & harassment policy, I'd like you to read it & then we will draw a line under today and move forward as a fresh start.
But if personal remarks happen again, it becomes a formal matter. Is that clear?

FGS don't listen to the posters suggesting smart retorts, were not 14 & this is your livelihood.

Then it's even easier. End her contract.

You can talk it through with whatever you use for HR advice if needs be, but you should also just tell her to stop right now. That is your job.