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Original poster

What can I do about this young woman I manage?

118 replies

Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:09

Actually she's not that young (40s), but she looks young, dresses young and behaves young- much as I hate the descriptor, she's girly and she sits crossed legged on her chair, as in like a child sitting on the floor

I was told by the (female) CEO that she'd be a problem, shes spend all her time flirting and fluttering her eyelashes. CEO is a very no-nonsense woman who abhors this behaviour and I'm not a fan myself. My predecessor was a man, who according to the CEO "fell for it".

Anyway he told me she's brilliant. CEO is not a fan. I have found her to be brilliant, hard working and full of great ideas. One of those people where you just have to say "it would be good if...." and it's done. She doesn't flirt with me, but is respectful, helpful and supportive.

She's also really good at people, which is where the flirting comes in, she can a absolutely pick the men who will be susceptible and get them to do anything. I'd guess she's done the same with me, the reason for her entirely different approach.

It is annoying though and my boss hates it.

So, do I try to manage her and make it stop, or leave her to get on with what she does so well?

OP posts:
FUBAR77 · 05/04/2024 16:20

She sounds awesome and I’m really not sure what the ‘issue’ is.

You’re paying her to get a job done, which she excels at - does it matter what strengths she relies on?

Itsonlymashadow · 05/04/2024 16:20

I am assuming you are a man?

What is it that you think you should manage? If she is flirting with people and it’s really noticeable then you need to speak to her. It’s unprofessional. You can be good with people without flirting. You can get people on side without flirting.

But on the flipside, you need to also make sure she is recognised for the great work she does do. Actual work. That’s also your job.

what you need to be careful of is how you are perceived. You say she doesn’t flirt with you. Then admit you are one of the ‘targets’ that she susses out and gets to do what she wants. If that what your CEO is seeing, her flirt with you, then you talking anbout how amazing she and you think she is great but with no back up of actual work to prove it, it could be you that’s negatively impacted.

Original poster
Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:21

FUBAR77 · 05/04/2024 16:20

She sounds awesome and I’m really not sure what the ‘issue’ is.

You’re paying her to get a job done, which she excels at - does it matter what strengths she relies on?

I don't think so no, but the CEO, my boss, keeps identifying it as a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:22

Itsonlymashadow · 05/04/2024 16:20

I am assuming you are a man?

What is it that you think you should manage? If she is flirting with people and it’s really noticeable then you need to speak to her. It’s unprofessional. You can be good with people without flirting. You can get people on side without flirting.

But on the flipside, you need to also make sure she is recognised for the great work she does do. Actual work. That’s also your job.

what you need to be careful of is how you are perceived. You say she doesn’t flirt with you. Then admit you are one of the ‘targets’ that she susses out and gets to do what she wants. If that what your CEO is seeing, her flirt with you, then you talking anbout how amazing she and you think she is great but with no back up of actual work to prove it, it could be you that’s negatively impacted.

No, I'm not a man, I thought I'd made that clear.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 05/04/2024 16:23

Let her get on with it

If she has to flirt with men to get them to do whatever she pleases, good for her.

They are suckers and hold all the power most of the time, so why not claw a bit back once in a while?

Original poster
Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:24

What I meant was, she's probably used her people skills to impress me, in the same way as she did my predecessor, but by using a completely different approach. I don't mind that, it's a definite skill.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 05/04/2024 16:25

I’d be asking the CEO what their issue is exactly? She gets the work done, is proactive and good with people. We may not like someone’s manner but if it’s not actually problematic, as in getting in the way of the job, it’s just a personality difference. You can only manage what you see, and if you aren’t seeing a problem I’d not be firing other people’s bullets for them.

LawrieForShepherdsBoy · 05/04/2024 16:26

Protect her from your CEO. Be grateful she’s in your team.

flipent · 05/04/2024 16:27

When I started my current role, my direct report had a bad reputation across the business.
They were essentially terrible at self promotion and we're seriously under resourced. So they put all of their energy in trying to fix problems and keep everything on track, but did not communicate with the wider business, which frustrated people.

It was made clear when I started that I could make whatever changes I needed to in my department.

This person is a huge asset to the company, and with my support and adequate resource they are now widely recognised for the genuine talents they have. But I had to put a lot into personal PR for them across the business.

It is very easy for someone who doesn't see the day to day work to make assumptions and stick to them. So I would be really vocal about the specific tasks they are completing above expectations and start to move the opinion needle that way.

Dinoswearunderpants · 05/04/2024 16:27

You want someone to get sack because they are good at interacting with people?

Quite frankly, she sounds bloody awesome and possibly a threat you don't like?

As for the sitting like a child, I'm sat exactly the same way in the office. I have restless leg syndrome (not that I'd tell anyone) and literally can't sit 'normally' on a chair for long.

So long as she's not flashing anyone, give her a break.

fedupandstuck · 05/04/2024 16:27

Why is it annoying? Because you wouldn't do it yourself? That's not enough of a reason. If it's because it's unprofessional and has actual repercussions on the reputation of your company, then it's a problem.

If that's not the case, then I'd put forward how effective she is at getting tasks done/goals achieved every time your CEO mentions it.

BabyImReadyToGo · 05/04/2024 16:28

She sounds great. While you say you're not keen on her inter-personal communication style, you acknowledge that it works and gets results. So as her line manager, you must see she's great?

Unless she's done anything specific which breaks her contract, or behaved in a specific way which is against company policy then you can't really do or say anything to her.

If the CEO has such a problem with this woman's style or communications, let her deal with it.

LawrieForShepherdsBoy · 05/04/2024 16:28

I always sit at least half crossed legged on a chair. I’m not trying to be cute.

olivebranch31 · 05/04/2024 16:28

If you don't have a problem don't address it. If CEO has a problem tell her to address it herself.

Original poster
Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:28

Jellycatspyjamas · 05/04/2024 16:25

I’d be asking the CEO what their issue is exactly? She gets the work done, is proactive and good with people. We may not like someone’s manner but if it’s not actually problematic, as in getting in the way of the job, it’s just a personality difference. You can only manage what you see, and if you aren’t seeing a problem I’d not be firing other people’s bullets for them.

I have, she finds the girliness and flirting annoying and unprofessional. I think it offends her feminist principles.

OP posts:
Original poster
Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:29

olivebranch31 · 05/04/2024 16:28

If you don't have a problem don't address it. If CEO has a problem tell her to address it herself.

She has done by speaking to the woman's line manager 🤣

OP posts:
Dinoswearunderpants · 05/04/2024 16:29

Your CEO sounds like the issue here.

BabyImReadyToGo · 05/04/2024 16:29

Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:28

I have, she finds the girliness and flirting annoying and unprofessional. I think it offends her feminist principles.

Show quote history

Then let the CEO bring this up with her and reprimand her as per the relevant company policy and contractual clauses....

fedupandstuck · 05/04/2024 16:30

I think I'd want to know what exactly was unprofessional about it? As in, specific instances that were inappropriate. Your CEO is not helping you out here with these vague issues that aren't quantifiable.

Original poster
Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:30

Dinoswearunderpants · 05/04/2024 16:27

You want someone to get sack because they are good at interacting with people?

Quite frankly, she sounds bloody awesome and possibly a threat you don't like?

As for the sitting like a child, I'm sat exactly the same way in the office. I have restless leg syndrome (not that I'd tell anyone) and literally can't sit 'normally' on a chair for long.

So long as she's not flashing anyone, give her a break.

Edited

Where on earth do you get the idea I want her sacked? I'd be devastated if she left, she's been a godsend to me...except that my boss keeps asking me to address the "issues"

OP posts:
BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 05/04/2024 16:31

Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:28

I have, she finds the girliness and flirting annoying and unprofessional. I think it offends her feminist principles.

Show quote history

But thats a personal issue and the ceo is being unprofessional and oddly enough unfemenist herself to be raising it. If the employer isn't breaching any official codes of conduct then she needs leaving alone.

olivebranch31 · 05/04/2024 16:34

CEO is a feminist but doesn't like girliness or fluttery eyelashes... I'd walk away from this one, as long as she's performing well and not breaking company policy you've nothing to address, don't risk an unfair dismissal case CEO sounds like she'd throw you under the bus!

HanaJane · 05/04/2024 16:35

Is she "flirting" or just very charismatic? If she were male saying the same things would it still be flirting or just being a "good people person"? If she's great at her job I would say leave her to it

Original poster
Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:36

OK good, because my response so far has been to keep giving her credit, publically, for all the great things she's doing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Linedbook · 05/04/2024 16:37

HanaJane · 05/04/2024 16:35

Is she "flirting" or just very charismatic? If she were male saying the same things would it still be flirting or just being a "good people person"? If she's great at her job I would say leave her to it

She really does go all flirty and giggly, looking up through her lashes etc. As a feminist myself, I find it quite amusing educational how she can have some quite senior men in the palm of her hand

OP posts: