What can I do about this young woman I manage?

[Linedbook]

Actually she's not that young (40s), but she looks young, dresses young and behaves young- much as I hate the descriptor, she's girly and she sits crossed legged on her chair, as in like a child sitting on the floor

I was told by the (female) CEO that she'd be a problem, shes spend all her time flirting and fluttering her eyelashes. CEO is a very no-nonsense woman who abhors this behaviour and I'm not a fan myself. My predecessor was a man, who according to the CEO "fell for it".

Anyway he told me she's brilliant. CEO is not a fan. I have found her to be brilliant, hard working and full of great ideas. One of those people where you just have to say "it would be good if...." and it's done. She doesn't flirt with me, but is respectful, helpful and supportive.

She's also really good at people, which is where the flirting comes in, she can a absolutely pick the men who will be susceptible and get them to do anything. I'd guess she's done the same with me, the reason for her entirely different approach.

It is annoying though and my boss hates it.

So, do I try to manage her and make it stop, or leave her to get on with what she does so well?

Does your theoretical camp straight man do this to men and to women? Because in real life I’ve only seen this directed at women, and you bet I’ll manage the behaviour out of them. Treating men and women differently, in a flirtatious manner, is unprofessional.

Give your CEO short shrift every time she raises it. “I understand your perspective but I have no issues with her performance so I don’t intend to take any further action on this matter.”
It’s not your responsibility to fret about and seek to change someone’s personality. The PPs suggestion about putting her on training for influencing skills is a good one, but I would seek to avoid ongoing conversations with the CEO about this.

You didn’t even mention whether your male or female so no that was not made clear. I also read that as though you are male

He doesn’t have to be theoretical. He can be the person I was working with 2 weeks ago. Yes, he acts the same way with both men and women, other than with one particularly threatening male manager around whom everyone tends to act differently.

But if I reflect on it then yes, I would say in general I have seen camp men behave more authentically around women and less threatening men. It wouldn’t occur to me to discipline them for their behaviour around women.

I think you just have to have her back and say she's brilliant at her job and you are not finding any issues with her behaviour. You can't stop what she does with her eye lashes or if she compliments someone on what they're wearing. I mean if she's crossing lines and slapping people's arses or stroking their faces then that's a completely different thing obviously. But smiling, eye lash fluttering and general girlyness is not something you should be trying to control IMO.

Good management or 'people skills' does not equate to manipulation!! Was that what you were suggesting?

Good people skills can take many forms. What works well with one will not be best with another. We are all individuals.

I think in this case, if people can see this young woman is manipulative they make perceive it as false and mistrust her. Perhaps that's how your CEO views her.

There’s a man at work who is flirtly, kinda with men as well as women - he’s straight but a tad camp. It’s not sexual but I can tell he likes some of the women - I’d be annoyed if he was my partner acting that way but no professional line crossed. Several women seem to also like him and he plays up to it. It’s only done to those who reciprocate, which I don’t. I presume this woman is similar and the men aren’t unhappy.

The reason I see it as flirting is because if I did the same I’d get into trouble, I’d be seen as a flirt/mistaken as fancying them. However, it would be hard to explain or prove his flirting.

Women can be awful, a female manager said I was getting support from the HR manager because he fancied me. I was 21 and recovering from a sexual assault. I often find men are easier to get along with and women can take longer to warm to me, the autism link is interesting as I have an ASD daughter and can see some traits in me too. I can see the naivety being a big part of it, if so in this case it may be worth giving a friendly warning, if you left the new manager may not be so nice!

I often sit cross-legged on my office chair. That's because my legs are short and often hang in the air when I'm sitting normally and it's very uncomfortable. Maybe do an ergonomic assessment of the office furniture before labeling her sitting style as unprofessional?

I think the best managers recognise that everyone works in different ways and has different strengths. People aren’t robots and if your direct report has found a way that works for her, shes getting the job done and not doing anything illegal, why not just let her get on with it?

There are some deeply misogynistic concepts coming out here.

A man is described as "a charmer, charismatic, with great interpersonal skills" "able to get things done" (positive) a woman is "flirty and flutters her eyelashes" (trivialising, reductionist and patronising).

please check your unconscious bias, influenced by the views of your CEO. They are deeply unpleasant and inappropriate in the workplace and is what holds so many women back from achieving their potential.

Give her your full support in the environment she's having to battle through, she is on your team and you can use your authority positively to promote the success she brings your business

Interesting thread! I've realised I've annoyed people in my time when younger by being too friendly/naive. Didn't have the awareness to manipulate. Female boss hated it, I do get why, I think as women we sre all having to tread that infamously difficult line.

The PR woman I now work with admits to dressing up for a specific role. Luckily she manages not to annoy anyone by her tight trousers, long hair and giggles, apart from our (male) CEO. My own LM is totally besotted though.
She did drop a comment about me when I arrived for a trial day about my LM "having a type" (I'm tall and blond).

Sexism is live and well. I think it is tragic women feel the need to behave like this, what willcthis woman do in 20 yeras time?. I'd say with the op's report it's a case if she's worked out what works and no, CEO does not have the right to dictate her behaviour unless ita blatantly upsetting or unprofessional.

Women can be the worst critics of other women, and it really needs to change.

What is important in the job? Getting the job done? Results? Both seem to be happening with this member of staff. The professional image of the company needs to come from how customers are treated, and customers typically also like good results and service.

If you try and manage this out of her, her productivity will change as she will feel unmotivated and stifled as well as a bit confused, no matter how skillfully you do it.

It sounds like the CEO is struggling a bit with a different approach to her own, and has been always strict herself "making sure she remains professional no matter what" to achieve what she has, and therefore finds it difficult to see someone doing well with a different approach.

I also imagine the previous LM of this person hasn't done her any favours by being useless himself and therefore painting this person badly by being a favourite of his.

Work on your relationship with the CEO so she can see she can trust you and your judgement, let your teams results speak for themselves and keep championing them to be their best selves to achieve these results.

Tell the CEO to stop bullying the woman

Same here. I’m 5’1 with short legs. My feet just sort of hang so I’m always working out what do with my legs.

so It’s a personality clash?

is the flirting inappropriate? Or mild that makes the day go quicker?

Ask her to meet you outside for coffee, and let her know in the kindest way possible that although she is brilliant at her job, the CEO finds her difficult to relate to. If she's that good at dealing with people, she'll get the message and change her behaviour when the CEO is around.

I think you say to the ceo, honestly, x is simply fantastic and my life would be so much harder without her, I’m constantly trying to think of ways to make sure she knows how much I value her. I’m sure you don’t want to lose her either, could you consider how much exactly you dislike her behaviours? Would they be worth losing her? I don’t think so, and I guess I’d honestly have to try and talk you out of it if you did.

but I wonder why her amazing people skills don’t extend to the ceo. Perhaps you could try that - I see how you can work with all kinds of very different people and they just love you, it’s a real talent and I’d like to be better at it. Out of interest what engagement style would you recommend with CEO?

<41 year old professional here wondering if I should giggle more at work. I’ve always assumed it would make me look ineffective and have a negative impact, maybe not!!>

Getting people to do stuff (specifically men) isn't an easy task.

I would be asking the CEO for specific examples.

I would tell the direct report to be mindful of her behaviour specifically when the CEO is around. Just to give her a heads up.